Page 18 of Father Figure

Damn, I can’t believe he was thinking about me.

But then again, I was thinking about him, so it wasn’t completely bizarre.

No, it was totally fucking bizarre!

Before I could finish berating myself, the bathroom door opened, and Nicky, now fully dressed, tiptoed into the room. I hastily wiped my hand on a balled-up T-shirt on the end of my bed.

“Sorry, I lost my balance in there. Must be the rough seas.”

We were anchored in the bay where the water was calm and smooth as glass. Nicky climbed up the ladder on the end of my bunk to get to his bed, and I caught a glimpse of his skinny, bare legs.

“Sounded like you’re gonna be bruised up tomorrow. Maybe we need a bigger bathroom? Did you at least wash your hands?” I enjoyed teasing him. He was finally at an age where we could laugh at these things.

“Oh, God,” he whined. “You knew what I was doing?”

“I think every boat docked in Carlisle Bay knew what you were doing.”

Nicky hung his head over the side of the bed, his dark curls flopping all around his face as he hung upside down, peering into my bunk. “Can we pretend like you didn’t hear anything?”

“Which part? All of it, or just the last part?” Yeah, Nicky, I heard you say my name. Twice. I didn’t say that last part to tease him, more like pushing him, daring him to tell me why.

Two bright spots appeared on his cheeks. Was it possible he wanted me to know? Was Nicky developing an interest in me?

“Promise me things won’t be weird between us.”

“Nicky, things will never be weird between us. It’s perfectly normal to fantasize about things that you know will never happen.” Hopefully, I stressed that last part enough for it to sink into both of our heads.

“Is Sam coming back tonight? It’s getting late.”

“Sam is probably buried balls deep in some local boy right now.”

“Doesn't that bother you?”

“Why would it? Sam doesn't belong to me like that. We're friends first, then business partners, then lovers. We established our priorities a long time ago. He's always been there in the background, he'll always be there by my side, but Sam doesn't come first in my life. The sun doesn't rise and set on his shoulders for me.”

His entire face was starting to turn red from hanging upside down, and I patted the mattress next to me, inviting him to come sit. Nicky climbed down the ladder and perched on the side of the narrow bed.

“I hope someday I meet the man who can change all of that for me. The man who was meant to be the love of my life. But I promise it's not Sam. I love him, but I'm not in love with him.”

Nicky touched the shell necklace hanging around his neck. “I want that. I want to be somebody's sun someday. I want to be first.”

He bit his bottom lip, and I was reminded again of just how soft and sensitive he could be. It was in the dreamy look in his eyes, and the wistful note in his voice.

I slid my hand over his bare thigh and squeezed. “Someday, you’ll find the right man, and you’ll be his sun.” Sun, not son, Cass.

“What if I already found the man I want, but he doesn't want me back?”

He said man, not boy, not guy. Someone older, more experienced, and more mature than he was. Was he talking about me? Impossible. He couldn’t be. He fucking better not be.

“Come here. Can I just hold you?”

“Yeah.” Nicky curled up in my arms, spooning his back to my chest. He barely took up any room at all.

I buried my nose in his hair and breathed in his tropical-scented shampoo. I’d always felt the need to protect Nicky, from life, from bullies, from accidents. Did I now need to protect him from myself? How was I supposed to do that? Not even ten minutes ago, I had my hand down my pants with his face on my mind.

“It feels so good to have you in my arms like this.” I didn’t even deserve to touch him. “You know what you deserve? Someone who isn't afraid to give you what you want. That's what you deserve, Nicky.”

“Cass? Are you afraid?” His voice sounded small and scared.

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