Page 96 of The Darkness Within

He lets his tears fall, heedless of the other patrons in the bar. For a grown man not to care who sees him fall apart, he’s got to be in an incredible amount of pain.

“Will you bring me home?”

His voice sounds so small, so afraid, and I stand up and swallow past the lump in my throat, and somehow, I find the courage to voice the second hardest thing I’ve ever had to say. The first was when I admitted I was an addict for the first time.

“You found your way here, you can find your own way home. When you’re ready.”

“Brewer, wait!”

Just keep walking. Don’t look back. Do not turn back, Brewer!

That motherfucker actually walked out on me! I can’t blame him. I deserve far worse. For months, I’ve begged him to take a chance on me, to trust in me, and at the first sign of trouble, I let him down.

Fuck it, I have to admit that I let myself down.

He’s absolutely right. I don’t get to take the easy way out and bail on the people I made promises to. That’s not who I am or who I’ve become. Brewer taught me the tools I need to face down my demons. I’m done running, I’m fucking exhausted, and as scary as it is to confront the people I’ve hurt, I’m ready.

Fishing my phone from my back pocket, I pull up my email and fire off a letter of apology to my warrant officer, Burgess. I prefer to do it face-to-face, but I have no intention of ever seeing him again, so this will have to do.

Next, I shoot Mandy a text.

Is it too late for me to drop by?

Mandy:

It’s never too late for you.

Shit, that right there is why this man deserves an apology. He’s been nothing but good to me. Better than good. How the hell am I going to get there? I left my car parked in the driveway at home. I just started walking and never looked back. I’ll have to take an Uber.

Twenty minutes later, the driver drops me off at his door.

“Where’s your car?” Mandy is waiting for me before I even knock.

“Long story. Can I come in?”

“Sure,” he says, stepping aside. “You don’t look so good. Can I get you something? Water? Soda? A week in rehab?”

With a snort, I shake my head and plop down on his couch. “I’m not using, though I came close. But an angel saved me.”

“You look like you need to talk, so talk. I’m listening.”

I guess I caught him off guard, stopping by at the last minute. Mandy is dressed in navy blue sweats and no shirt. The scars that cover half of his face continue down his neck and over his shoulder, ending part way down his back. It’s a reminder that I’m not the only one facing demons. I just seem to be running away faster than anyone else.

He catches me looking at his body. “I’ll just go grab a T-shirt.”

“No.” I hate that I made him feel self-conscious, even for a second. “I’ve just never seen them before. I didn’t know how bad it was, not that it’s bad, but—”

“Relax, I know what you mean. Are you sure you don’t need me to put a shirt on?”

“I don’t ever want you to be anything but yourself with me. I guess that’s why I’m here. You’ve seen me at my worst and, I don’t know why, maybe you’re just really fucking lonely and desperate for friends,” Mandy snorts, “or you’ve got some sort of savior complex, but you didn’t turn away from me. You welcomed me with open arms. Maybe you’re a total fucking narcissist.”

This time, he laughs out loud. “Yeah, you’ve got me all figured out, Sommers.”

“I didn’t know that I needed you, but you’re exactly what I needed. I was just so lost and afraid. You were there for me at my lowest. You were still there when I hit rock bottom. Maybe you saved me that day, I don’t know, but I’m always gonna be grateful to you. I need friends like you in my life, Mandy. I don’t wanna be alone. I’m just sorry that I wasn’t good to you from the start.”

Instead of placating me, Mandy opens his arms and hugs me so tight he threatens to squeeze the breath from my lungs. “As long as we don’t ever talk about why I couldn’t go into your bedroom.”

My shoulders shake with silent laughter as I recall how I freaked him the fuck out that day he came over to fix my wall. I bet if he knew I had a Gutierrez lump buddy in my bed, he wouldn’t be hugging me right now.

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