Page 81 of The Darkness Within

“Wow, I can’t believe how fancy this place is.”

“I know, right? I feel like I should be dressed nicer,” Nash jokes, as if he doesn’t look mouthwatering in his fitted, dark wash jeans and the dark heather gray T-shirt stretched tight across his chest. It worked out great that he decided on McDonald’s, since we have Valor in tow. I don’t think he would be appreciated at a fancy steakhouse.

Unfortunately, I’ve eaten a lot of McDonald’s, but this place is like nothing I’ve ever seen. A stone-covered fireplace with rocking chairs, live violin music accompanied by a pianist. A raised roof with chandeliers and columns! It’s nice enough that I don’t feel so bad about it being our first official date.

“You know I would have taken you anywhere, don’t you?”

“I would have been happy with gas station hotdogs. As long as we’re together.”

Gas station hotdogs?! “You’ve been hanging around McCormick too much,” I tease, drawing a laugh from him.

When we’re seated with our burgers, fries and shakes, Nash picks up his burger, but pauses halfway to his mouth. “I don’t know what you have in store for us tomorrow, but I’m already feeling inspired. I want to give Violet the most beautiful garden, filled with all the things she uses in her cooking. Tomatoes and peppers, herbs, and some root vegetables. But I also want to make it serene and pretty with flowers. Maybe some edible flowers? I have to research that. Maybe some flowers that attract butterflies? She could sit under her covered porch and watch them.”

“I hope you’re going to keep her company on the porch. What Violet needs more than a garden is someone to share it with.”

“You’re right. And I’ve already committed to visiting on a regular basis.” He takes a sip of his shake, and my eyes are drawn to his throat, watching it slide as he swallows. “It was hard to talk about G, but I felt so much lighter when I left. I need her memories of him. I need her to share them with me. All the bad shit that comes to mind when I think of him feels like I’m dishonoring his memory. I don’t like remembering him that way. He was so much more than that. I need her to remind me of that, to remind me of the man he was beyond his captivity. I’ve reduced his life to the twenty-two days we spent together in hell, but that wasn’t who Victor Gutierrez was. Not to me, he wasn’t. He was funny as hell, always laughing and cracking jokes. He cooked the best burgers.”

Nash looks down at the burger in his hand and then lays it back on the wrapper untouched. When he continues, his voice sounds shaky. “He sucked at keeping our place clean, and he sucked at paperwork and inventory. But damn, that boy could shoot. He could hit critical mass on every target, no matter how far away it was placed. He loved Star Wars movies. He loved grocery shopping at the PX, even though he hated to cook. He ran the fastest mile in our unit, but he always slowed down so he could talk to me.”

He’s getting choked up as he talks. I can see the moisture gathering in his eyes. “You know, you can talk to me about him anytime you miss him.”

Nash pulls a fortifying breath into his lungs, trying to study his emotions. “You can talk to me about Eric, your buddy you lost. I think…” He plucks a fry from the packet and chews it quickly. “I think I want to see about creating a position at BALLS to do what I’m doing for Violet. She can’t be the only widow or widower in need of help around the house. I could build handicap accessible ramps for their houses. I could fix things, or coordinate contractors and handymen to come and fix things. Maybe even just pay them a visit, sit with them and share a meal. Maybe they need someone to share their memories with like Violet does.”

How can my heart continue to grow bigger and bigger to fit all of my feelings for this man? At some point, it’s surely going to burst.

“I’ll look into it. We don’t have anything like that, but I can talk to the board about creating it and even see about making sure it’s a paid position.”

Nash hesitates before speaking, like he’s choosing his words carefully. “Does it bother you that I don’t have a job? You’ve accomplished so much since your contract ended. You have fancy degrees and shit.” His quick summary of the years it took me to finish my schooling makes me laugh. “You have a real job, a proper job. I have a few dollars invested in a food truck with a guy who can burp the entire alphabet.”

“Yeah, Nacho has many hidden talents besides just cooking,” I agree with a chuff. “And no, it doesn’t bother me at all. Let’s be realistic about your limitations. After what you’ve been through, there are only so many types of jobs you could be productive at. I think you’re doing an amazing job figuring out what those are, and I think it’s important for you to keep busy and find an outlet for the creative ideas you have, for your knowledge and experience, and for your skills. But you don’t have to push yourself and you don’t have anything to prove, not to me or anyone else.”

He picks up his burger again, finally taking a bite. When he swallows, he says, “You’re wrong, Brewer. I have everything to prove to you. And I swear to Christ I won’t let you down.”

Spending time with Nash is so easy that it passes in a blur, and it’s not until we’re walking back to my car that I realize we have no plans but to head back to the hotel. Every time I think about going back there and getting into bed with him, images of the night he touched himself in front of me come back to me. My head is filled with memories from that night. Watching his hand disappear inside his sweats, the way it moved up and down, pulling the fabric tight over the outline of his erection. I imagine how warm and hard his cock must have felt in his hand. I can still see the look in his eyes, the heat, the need, the way his tongue snaked out to lick across his bottom lip, tempting me to suck on it.

Yeah, I can’t go back to the room just yet.

“We should go for ice cream, walk around the town.”

“We just had chocolate shakes,” he points out, sounding confused.

“Coffee then. Come on, we’re here. We might as well check it out.”

From the expression on his face, I can tell he doesn’t give two fucks about coffee or checking out the town, but thankfully, he’s willing to go along with my diversion. But I can only drag him to so many places before his suspicion turns to irritation.

“I don’t want to sound like I’m not enjoying myself, but my leg hurts. Between the hike earlier, and now this urban crawl, I’ve got to rest it.”

Damn, how irresponsible of me. Of course he’s hurting.

“Brewer? You wouldn’t be avoiding going back to the hotel with me, would you?” His eyebrows are raised in question, and a playful grin twists his lips.

Busted.

“Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Nash chuckles, like he can see right through me. “I didn’t think so. Because the Brewer I know doesn’t avoid uncomfortable situations. He confronts them head-on.”

He steps closer to me, gripping my hips like he did in our room earlier, and pulls my body into his, until our hips are fused and his soft bulge presses against mine. His scent always makes me want to bury my face in his chest and just breathe him in.

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