Page 44 of The Darkness Within

As I feared, we’re bombarded with well-wishers, which always happens when someone picks up a white chip. Then again, as much as it might unsettle him to be the center of so much attention, Nash needs to know that he’s supported. He needs to know he’s not in this fight alone.

“Welcome, brother. I’m Alex. Here’s my number if you need someone to reach out to. Hit me up, we can catch a meeting together sometime.”

He dodges several hugs by sticking his hand out to shake.

“Welcome, man, we’re glad to have you join our family. If you ever want to grab coffee after the meeting and talk, I’ve got two good ears that work.”

Nash just nods like he’s in a daze, deflecting the well wishes instead of absorbing them. He’s overwhelmed, and I need to get him out of here before things turn bad.

“Thanks, guys, we’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good to see you, Brewer.”

“You, too, Alex.”

“You know those guys?” he whispers as we head to the car.

“I’ve been coming to this meeting almost every week for twelve years straight. I’ve made some friends along the way. It wouldn’t hurt you to make a few as well.”

“I don’t need friends. I’ve got you. What was all that bullshit at the end? ‘It works if you work it, so work it, you’re worth it’?”

“Everyone needs a reminder.”

We climb into the car, and Nash buckles his seatbelt, blowing out a tired sigh. “I don’t know, you really think all of this kumbaya circle jerk bullshit really works?”

Choking back a laugh, I try to look serious. “I know for a fact it works. That’s how I stayed clean this long. But like anything, it only works if you work it. If you don’t want it, nobody can do it for you. Would you like to go for coffee? We can continue this discussion.”

He rubs at his chest, his face pinching. “Not really. My stomach is off, and I’m battling heartburn so strong I feel like it’s going to melt a crater in my chest.”

“Then I’ll take you home, and we’ll get you some meds and something to settle your stomach.”

We pass two miles in silence before Nash blurts, “What was all that bullshit about taking an inventory?”

“That man was talking about the twelve steps of recovery. They’re the same no matter what twelve-step program you’re in, no matter what you’re recovering from.”

“And what are they? Levels of achievement I have to unlock?”

“No, smart-ass, it’s not a video game, more like written exercises you do with your sponsor. They’re designed to help you with self-awareness and reflection. You’ve got to get honest about how you ended up here so you don’t repeat history.”

“Aha, and what’s the first step?” He sounds so skeptical.

“Surrendering.”

“Well, I did that tonight when I picked up that white chip, so what’s the second step?”

Laughing, I shake my head. “It’s not that simple. You have to surrender again and again. You don’t rush through the steps or you’ll miss something. Sometimes, it can take up to a whole year to finish them.”

“A year?! Come on, Brewer.”

“Think of it like pulling back a curtain, revealing more of the truth little-by-little. Some steps are harder than others and take longer to complete, but the first step is the most important. Trust me, you want to nail this one.”

“So how do I know when I’ve nailed it?”

“I’ll let you know. That’s my job as your sponsor.”

“When can we start?”

“Whenever you’re ready. We go at your pace.”

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