Page 99 of The Darkness Within

“Damn, look how hard you are. I don’t know where it came from, but it would be a shame to waste it.”

I place kisses on his eyelids, and he laughs before opening them, staring at me with the warmest brown eyes richer than the finest chocolate. “It’s amazing what forgiving yourself and being forgiven can do to your body.”

“Maybe don’t tell that to people. You’ll put me out of business,” he teases, stealing a kiss from my lips. We’ve woken Valor, and he begins to lick Brewer’s chin. “Nash, move your damn cat,” he orders, laughing, “so I can suck your impressively hard cock.”

Fuck, “Move, cat!” Scooping him up, I plop him gently on the floor and turn on my back, peeling my boxers off and spreading my legs. Morning blowjobs? That’s all the motivation I need to try to overcome my struggle with ED. I want to wake up like this every day.

The first thing I feel is his warm breath ghost over the sensitive, swollen tip of my cock that’s peeking out of its hood. A shiver runs through my body, and I groan, dropping my head back on the pillow. His teeth lightly graze my cockhead before his lips close over the crown, gently sucking it from its sheath into his mouth.

“Oh, shit.” I’m going to enjoy the fuck out of this. “Do that again.”

I can feel his tongue sliding over the underside of my shaft. The slurping and sucking noises he makes are so loud and filthy, I have to raise my head again to watch. His mouth is full of saliva that coats my dick with each pass, making it shiny with spit. He pops off my cock, stretching the string of saliva connecting my tip with his lips before licking it back up again.

“Fuck, Brewer.”

The sight of my dick disappearing into his mouth, his swollen, wet lips moving down my shaft, over each vein and ridge, has my balls drawing up tight in no time. They grow warm against my body, and the muscles in my thighs quiver and twitch.

“I’m close. Real close.” My neck strains, but there’s no way I’m not watching him swallow my load. “I’m gonna fill your mouth and watch you swallow every drop.”

“Mmmm,” he moans, increasing his pace. He’s really going to town on my dick now, making a mess of it, making a mess of himself, too. Spit drips down his chin and lands on my balls, and when it slides down my taint, over my hole, I bust open in his mouth, squirting thick ropes down the back of his throat.

“Now swallow,” I demand, bucking my hips to feed him another inch.

He takes it all and swallows the entire load, and then goes back for seconds, sucking lightly on my over-sensitized cock to make sure he didn’t miss a drop.

My head flops onto the pillow, and I sigh with contentment. “Can we do that again?”

“Nope, we’re gonna get dressed and go to a meeting now.”

“A meeting?! This early?”

“They’ve got coffee and donuts,” he promises with a grin, winking at me.

I don’t care if they have a personal chef and a breakfast buffet, it’s a disappointment after Brewer’s mouth. But an hour later, I’ve got my cat slung across my chest, a paper cup of shitty-tasting bitter coffee in one hand, and a stale donut in the other. But I’ve got Brewer beside me, and that counts for everything.

“Hi, I’m Nash, and I’m an addict. It’s been a long week, and it’s about to get longer, but I keep surrendering, and I keep getting humble and asking for help, and knowing that I’m not alone makes it a little easier. I have faith, just for today, that I’m gonna get through this.”

“Thanks for sharing, Nash,” the meeting moderator says. “Keep coming back.”

“Here, let me help you.”

Brewer takes the towel from me and turns me toward the mirror as he dries my body. When I stepped out of the shower, my hands shook so badly I could barely towel myself dry. The blue eyes that stare back at me from the mirror look scared shitless, not the eyes of a brave warrior about to receive a medal for heroism.

What the mirror doesn’t show is the heartburn clawing at my chest, the anxiety churning in my gut, and the tremor in my hand that’s now spreading up my arm, making my shoulder ache with tension. It doesn’t show the giant oak tree that’s taken root in my mind. I remember clearly where the roots lead, how they spear down deep into the earth, loosening the dirt so that it makes an easy grave. Each leaf on the tree represents a memory, a moment in time in the twenty-two days I spent in captivity with my best friend.

I can’t shake that tree or the memories today. I feel as if I’m standing directly underneath the limbs, and the leaves are falling on my shoulders, big, thick leaves, burying me under a pile of rotting foliage.

“We could stay here, crawl back in bed and watch a movie. Or we could go to that Thai place for lunch that you love and then go for a walk in the park.”

Brewer laughs. “Wow, you hate walking in the park. You’re pulling out the big guns, aren’t you?”

“Brewer, please.” His eyes find mine in the mirror, and his reflection stares back, pinning me with compassion and empathy.

“It’s going to be fine, Nash. I know how much you don’t want to do this, but you’re going to do it. You’re going to hold your head up high and walk in there, and accept that award. It’s the very least they can do to reward your sacrifice.” His hands rub over my shoulders, squeezing. “And if you still want to walk through the park when we’re finished, I’ll be more than happy to escort you.”

Snorting, I shake my head. Fuck the park. Fuck the Thai food and the movie. I just want to crawl back into bed and bury my head under the covers.

“You’ll be there with me, right?”

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