Page 48 of The Darkness Within

“Maybe, but it doesn’t make me hate myself any less.”

Fuck these Bitches. I’m not ready to share.

Riggs gives me a pointed look. “Well, if that’s all, we’ll wrap it up.”

The second it’s over, Stiles descends like a nagging mother. “Hey, Sommers, how’s retirement?”

“All I do is run from one group or meeting to the next.”

He frowns. “You haven’t had any fun yet?”

“Define fun.”

“Shit, Defcon Five, Bitches! Give me a hand.”

What the hell does that mean?

McCormick asks, “What’s your idea of a good time?”

Blacking out and sleeping for three days straight. “My best friend and I used to hit up that place in Fayetteville, the one that does kids’ parties, with the go karts and mini golf. We used to try and run each other off the track, play arcade games, and they have these loaded fries that are to die for.”

“Sounds like a fucking plan, brother,” McCormick exclaims.

“I’m in,” seconds Stiles. “Jax?”

“Hard pass,” he grumbles, shuffling out the door.

“Pussy.” McCormick calls out, “Wardell? Aguilar?”

West Wardell turns to his partner. “You feel like getting your ass kicked on the track?”

“We’re in,” Brandt Aguilar declares.

Yay. I guess I’m going on a field trip with the Big Brother Bitches. I can think of worse ways to spend my day. But…

“What? What’s that look for?” Stiles asks, probably thinking I’m backing out. I am.

“What if I have a…”

“A flashback?”

“Brewer calls them setbacks.”

“Brewer can suck my—” Stiles chokes when McCormick jabs him in the ribs. “So the fuck what? I could have one, too, or McCormick, Aguilar, or Wardell. Shit, have you seen his? A real doozy. It’s no big deal. We’ll just talk you through it until it passes.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it, man. It’s as simple as that. I wouldn’t pass up loaded fries on the off chance I might have a ‘setback’.”

Maybe it really is that simple.

“Let’s ride. We’re on bikes, so you’re riding with the lovers.”

They seem to take it in stride. I wonder if they ever get tired of being teased. Folding myself into the back seat of their Jeep, I tune out their banter, getting lost in my thoughts. A heaviness in my chest makes my next breath more difficult. The dark thoughts crowd my head, blocking out my rationality, erasing my earlier optimism.

“What’s that look for?” Brandt’s eyes find mine in the rearview mirror. I shake my head, but he won’t let it go. “Say it out loud. Sometimes, we gotta snitch on ourselves.”

Hell. “I feel like…I don’t know, like I’m betraying my best friend.”

---