Page 74 of Hemlock

"I don't know. I wouldn't want you working at the bar. I'd like it if you lived here with me. We'll fight and probably often over your safety. You'll probably feel smothered. I know for a fact that it'll end up being more than you can even picture despite all that I'm telling you. Work will pull me away. You'll be in the house with other agents because that's just how the organization works. A space of our own isn't anywhere in the near future."

"Will you have to get close to other women the way you did me?"

"Fuck no," he growls. "I have to have a different approach, but work would take me away for days or weeks at a time. I can't sit by the phone and answer it every time it rings because it compromises my cover. You'll be lonely at times. That much I can guarantee."

"Sounds intense."

"I'm asking you for a lifelong commitment," he says, curling a finger under my chin so I'm looking into his eyes.

This makes me pause. We aren't talking about playing house and seeing how it turns out, and I can only imagine what it's taking for him to make these confessions. He's always so closed off and quiet, always angry looking as if he's just waiting for the next disappointment in life to kick him in the gut.

"It's a lot to think about," I tell him, knowing this is going to be the biggest decision of my life. "I can't make that decision right now."

He nods as if he knows I won't be able to stay like he thinks I'm just putting off the inevitable.

"Can I have some space while I think?"

He stands from the bed, pulling me to my feet, but instead of leaving the room, he holds my hand and guides me from the room to another door.

"This room is yours for as long as you need it," he says, shoving open the door and revealing a room that's not much different from his.

Then he walks out, leaving me to think about how one choice will change my entire life.

Chapter 37

Hemlock

Knowing she has to walk downstairs to leave, I don't feel too anxious leaving her in that room alone.

As much as I would've liked her to just jump in my arms and insist on spending the rest of her life with me, I know that could end up backfiring. I need her to really think about what she wants rather than making a hasty decision now because I wouldn't survive her leaving later. It would already be nearly impossible to watch her go if that's the choice she makes right now.

Three pairs of eyes lock on me as I enter the kitchen, and I know each of them probably wants an explanation or to know what happened between the two of us, but I'm not as willing to share my personal business as Kincaid and Hound might be. I completely understand the Band of Brothers thing, but I never really got the urge to talk about myself, and today will be no different.

Hound chuckles and shakes his head when I walk toward the refrigerator without a word.

"We get nothing?"

I grab a bottle of water before turning to face them.

"I left New Mexico for a reason," I remind him before looking at Kincaid. "No offense."

"None taken," he says with that familiar easy smile.

The conversation we had earlier went from me wanting to crawl back to New Mexico because of how I feel about Zara to him offering me the presidential position here in Tennessee because this is a better fit for me. Needing to still have that connection to the club made the choice very simple for me. I'm not exactly sure what leading this branch of the organization entails, but I'm willing to work as hard as I have to to be successful here.

"Where's Ace?" I ask after a few seconds of silence, wondering if I'm going to have to work on my demeanor now that I'm a leader.

Fuck, I probably should've asked to read the fine print before agreeing.

"He left," Kincaid supplies, but I can tell from his tone that there's more to it than he just went home.

"He isn't too happy about the changes being made," Hound explains.

I nod my head. I knew the man wouldn't be happy, but maybe he just needs a little time to wrap his head around the new direction this part of the club will go.

"How does it look if ICE backs out?" I ask, wondering if this branch of Cerberus is dead in the water before it even takes off. Talk about the shortest presidential term ever.

"If Ace and ICE pull their assistance, then we use Max back in New Mexico to find jobs that need to be done," Kincaid explains. "We've always turned down most domestic jobs because we wanted to put some literal miles between our work and home. I always felt a little safer when someone who might have wanted to hurt the club had to pass through customs to get into the United States."

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