Page 43 of Hemlock

I fight the twinge in my cheek, knowing now isn't the best time to distract her with my need to smile.

When she speaks again, her voice is back to normal, making it a little easier to control my reaction.

"I know it's not ideal, but I also know that if you keep coming around, then I'm going to convince myself that maybe you like me a little too, but yeah I fucked up and caught feelings."

"That's your secret? That's what you've lied about?"

"It wasn't a lie when I said it," she mutters, looking down at her fingers as she tangles them together in front of her body.

Her face changes when she looks up at me, and I don't realize I'm smiling until the tip of one of her fingers traces the curve of my lip.

"That's fucking devastating," she says, stepping in closer to me.

The smile fades as quickly as it showed up, and instead of making her upset, she chuckles. I'll be damned if it isn't the most precious thing I've ever heard.

"I'm going to get a drink," she says, taking a step back, as if she somehow understands that I need a minute to myself to wrap my head around what she just told me. "You want one?"

I shake my head, hand reaching up to cup her face.

She bats my hand away. "That's the shit that's going to convince me that you like me. Quit being nice."

"I'll be mean to you later," I promise just as I drop my hand.

"You'll be here when I get back?" The concern in her voice claws at a soft spot inside of me, and I see the vulnerability in her eyes.

"Right here," I promise.

I watch the sway of her hips as she walks toward the bar until I sense someone else's attention where it shouldn't be. I look toward the bathroom to see a man in green, who I don't know, glaring a hole in my direction. Several people shuffle around, the bar growing more crowded, and when I try and find the guy again, he seems to have disappeared into thin air. I walk along the perimeter of the bar, but he's nowhere to be seen.

Then I spot Zara, looking forlorn, eyes shining with what appears to be fresh tears, and I'll be damned if she doesn't think I made her a promise and then left. Is this how she acts every time I have to ghost? Fuck me if that doesn't hit me in the chest like a shotgun blast.

"Hey," I say when I step up behind her.

She spins in my direction, relief in her eyes. "You moved."

"It's getting crowded in here. Wanna leave?"

She shakes her head, lifting a bottle of water to her lips and taking a long pull on it. Of course, I'm entranced by the way her throat works on a swallow.

When a couple gets up to dance, she rushes forward and takes a seat on one of the stools, patting the one beside her. I eye the stupid thing, knowing it's in one of the worst places, making it impossible to see both the hallway and the front door at the same time, but I take a seat anyway, loving the smile it brings to her face.

Music rolls from the jukebox, the atmosphere in the bar jovial and excited as we near midnight. But time still crawls by.

I notice the girl first, but instead of watching her leave the bar, I watch Zara's face when she spots her, wondering exactly what the relief I see flowing out of her body means when she sees the girl leave the bar.

I turn to face her, the question on my tongue when the bar erupts.

"Ten, nine, eight..."

Zara stands, the countdown lost in the roar of the crowd, and I stand in front of her.

I swear I see every resolution the woman has ever had reflected in her eyes, and if I allow myself a little ego, I'd say that some of them involve me.

I know it's going to happen. It's how you ring in the new year, with a kiss, a promise of sorts. For the very first time in my life, I want to make a promise. Not one of vengeance or retribution, but one of something more personal. I don't know how things will work out. I have no fucking clue if it's even possible to make things work between us, but as I lower my mouth to hers, I vow to fight for what this is.

I'm jostled, finding it nearly impossible to keep from toppling on top of and crushing Zara.

I turn to see who the fuck had the nerve to interrupt such an iconic moment in my life, and that's when I feel the sear of heat in my side.

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