Page 21 of Naughtying Up St. Nick

So I tell her everything, starting with what happened with Jesse all the way to this morning when Harlow said we were over. Just repeating those words hurts. Min stays silent through it all. She just nods occasionally, and her eyes light up with anger when I talk about Jesse. But it’s only after I’ve talked myself out that she speaks.

“First, I really can’t believe you took that prick at his word. He just wanted to fuck you, Cal. He didn’t want a relationship.”

“I know,” I mumble. I think deep down, I always knew that. It was just easier for me to believe I’d done something wrong than to think that the first guy I chose to sleep with could be that much of a jackass.

“I’m sorry,” Min says. “What he did was horrible.”

I shrug. “Is it weird that my fight with Harlow this morning made me feel worse than what happened with Jesse?”

“No. You feel more for Harlow than you felt for that prick.” She studies my face like she always does when she’s choosing her words carefully. “He gets you in a way other guys haven’t, and you care about him.”

“Yeah, but he made it clear at the beginning of all of this that it was only going to be until the New Year.”

“So? People change their minds all the time. And it’s not like this morning was a real fight, Cal. He said what he wanted to say, but you didn’t. If you don’t want to lose him, you need to be honest. And even if he doesn’t feel the same way, you deserve to have the chance to say it.”

I know she’s right about everything, but I don’t know if I’m brave enough to be that honest with him. I was able to give him my body, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to risk my heart too.

Twelve

Harlow

As soon as I leave Cal, I want to go back and apologize. I know I didn’t mean half of what I said, but I also know it was the right thing to do. Just like back in high school, I know Cal is meant for bigger things. He’s not meant to spend his life with someone like me.

I find Jacklyn in the back office, furiously going through security cam footage.

“It’s just a bit of spray paint,” I say. “I can’t believe you’re taking the village down a day after Christmas because of this. You can just cover it up.”

Jacklyn throws me a murderous look. “It was one of those brats, I know it.”

I press my lips together so I don’t respond. The chances are it was some teenagers, but I’ve known Jackie long enough to know nothing’s going to get through to her when she’s like this.

“Who are the ones who would do something like this?” she asks.

“None of them. They’re little kids. They’re not here to scope out the best place to graffiti. Besides, most of them were here with parents and wouldn’t have had the time to even consider doing something like this.”

“Most of them came with parents. What was that foster kid’s name?”

“Jacklyn.” My voice is sharper than I’ve ever used it with my sister. I can’t believe she would blame this on George. “He’s nine years old. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You’re the one who brought up parents.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake. He was with his social worker. It wasn’t like he was running around like an animal in the woods.”

“What’s his name?”

“It wasn’t him.”

“Then tell me his name.”

“No,” I snap, anger flooding through me like a tidal wave. “You’re not going to accuse him of something he didn’t do. You’re not going to mess up his life like that.”

“Well, if you think a little bit of graffiti isn’t a big deal, then it won’t mess up his life.”

“Like stealing a paper isn’t a big deal?” The question is out of me before I can stop it. I hadn’t meant to ask it or even bring it up. But she’s talking about George exactly like how she talked about me back in freshman year. I know she’s not responsible for everything that happened afterwards because I made my own decisions, but it still hurts. Probably more than I should let it go.

“You’re still holding onto this?” Jackie scoffs. “It was ages ago. Just let it go.”

I should. It’s what I’ve always done when I realized she didn’t care about what she was doing. But I think of Cal and the fierceness in his voice when he told me that it was okay to still be upset about it.

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