Page 57 of Chasing Home

“You’re disgusting,” Bryce grunts, shoving Poppy by her arm.

Poppy pokes her elbow. “As if you’re some saint. I’ve seen inside your nightstand.”

“You’re one to talk. I think you have an actual clinical dildo addiction. I know a therapist if you want their info.”

“At least I haven’t been pining after?—”

Bryce cuts Poppy off with a hand to her mouth. Her glare is sharp like the tips of an iceberg. Poppy rolls her eyes, seemingly unbothered by her best friend’s annoyance.

Is that because they have complete trust in one another? And if so, how did they open themselves up to the possibility of that? Maybe I should be taking advice from them.

Anna touches my forearm from the seat beside me, drawing my attention away from the two bickering friends. She’s the newest one in the group outside of myself, and as such, I’ve always felt more of a pull to her. It’s hard sticking your nose into a friendship that’s been so solid for so long without feeling like a hang around. While none of these women have ever made me feel like that, Anna’s the one I’m most comfortable with. It’s like on some level, I trust her to be more accepting of me. I’m not as intimidated by her.

“Does Johnny being twenty-two actually bother you, or are you using it as an excuse not to give in to the feelings you clearly have for him?” she asks, keeping her voice low, the question only for me.

The bluntness of her question hits me square in the chest. “It’s one of the many excuses I’ve been using.”

“There are always a million excuses as to why we shouldn’t do something. That doesn’t mean that even a single one of them is worth using. I get why you’re reluctant. Poppy does, too, when she’s not bickering with Bryce. We’ve both experienced falling for someone when there are other forces at work that make it feel impossible. It’s daunting not knowing what comes next, but I can tell you without a doubt that it’s worth the risk, whether you stay or go.”

She gives my arm a comforting squeeze. A reminder that she’s here for me. “If I hadn’t given Brody a chance because I knew that he was supposed to go back to Nashville, I wouldn’t be as happy as I am right now, with a life that I could only hope for in my wildest dreams.”

“I knew that Garrison was going back to Toronto, but I fell in love with him anyway. And it was the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life to let him go, but he came back. Even if he hadn’t, the heartbreak would have been worth it for the time we got together,” Poppy adds, her eyes warm with understanding as they dart between Anna and me.

Bryce nods, but in the same way that she can seem to read me, I can read her. Maybe it’s a shared talent we both have. Something that comes from being so guarded and defensive.

It’s the stiffness in her shoulders and the twitch in the left side of her jaw that give her away. That make it obvious she isn’t as believing as the other two are.

I let it go. “So, you’re saying I should what? Demand he kiss me?”

“God no. He has to work for it still. Keep him on his toes, just don’t close yourself off to the possibility of something happening between you yet,” Anna says.

It’s easier said than done, but something tells me every one of the women at this table has thought that and pushed past it. I just have to follow suit.

It’s my turn to be brave.

19

AURORA

I’ve never believed in coincidences. Those once-in-a-lifetime occurrences spoken about on the news. Like the unbelievable tale of an old man winning the lottery after finding a five-dollar bill on the street and deciding to purchase a ticket for the first time in his life that I heard being told on the radio station Eliza had playing this morning.

It wasn’t a coincidence that he found a five-dollar bill that day of all days or that he used it to buy a lottery ticket. It was simple chance. A spur-of-the-moment choice he made that paid off in the end.

Some days, I wish I believed in terms like fate and coincidences. It would make it easier to blame bad decisions on a sleight of hand from something bigger than ourselves instead of taking responsibility for our own choices. Hell, maybe it would make me hate Lee Rose less than I currently do.

If the universe called him away from my mother, then how could I possibly blame him for leaving?

Anger flushes my chest as I lean against the side of the house and heave an exhale. My phone weighs a thousand pounds in my hands. The number punched in and ready to dial mocks me. Doubts run rampant through my head until they’re all I believe.

She’ll tell me to get lost. That I don’t matter and shouldn’t have even attempted to come to Cherry Peak. That she couldn’t ever want a sister like me.

My eyes burn at the thoughts, each one puncturing a pin-sized hole in my chest. The breeze is hot, simply blowing the muggy air into my face, even as I stand out of its full grasp, protected by the walls of the house. I’m hiding back here, behind the garden shed Eliza uses to store the tools for the flowers along the porch.

I didn’t want anyone to hear me when I called Wanda. If Eliza knew, she’d offer me some sort of wisdom, and I can’t deal with that right now. It isn’t wisdom I need but a swift kick in the ass.

“It’s not every day I see a woman hanging around back here. Don’t tell me my brother has driven you into hiding.”

The woman speaking to me is unfamiliar but gorgeous all the same, with round blue-grey eyes and hair the colour of ripe cherries. She smiles kindly at me, and the dimple on her left cheek has my eyes growing wide at how similar she looks to Johnny.

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