Page 95 of Don't Quit the Day Job

"Yeah." She hands me the clothes. "Change into these, and when you're done, let me know. I'm going to put you into that box over there."

"Oh, is that the cake?"

"Yeah. When you hear me tap on it four times, that is my signal to you to jump out and do a little dance. Okay? I'll point out the bachelor to you when you get out."

"Okay. That sounds easy enough. I hope I don't mess up."

"You'll be fine," she says. "You're a natural. You're an actress. Pretend you're on Broadway."

"I suppose," I say. "The case of The Billionaire Bachelor."

"Or you could pretend that you're in a murder mystery a la Agatha Christie."

I giggle. "I've been watching this British TV show called Death in Paradise, and I guess I'm just thinking about different cases from that show."

"Oh my gosh. I love Death in Paradise. Have you seen Beyond Paradise as well?"

"No, not yet. Is it good?"

"It's so good. I just love Humphrey. It's a little bit more depressing than Death in Paradise, but it picks up. I'm so excited for more episodes."

"Oh, I can't wait to watch it." I smile at her. "Maybe we can have a murder mystery marathon one day."

"Oh, definitely. I love British murder mysteries. The cozy ones though. Not the dark ones. Have you seen McDonald & Dodds?"

"Oh, yeah. McDonald & Dodds is cool. Sometimes I just think to myself, what is she thinking? But then I'm like, I'm not British and I'm not a detective solving murder mysteries, so maybe I just don't get it. She's a great actress though," I say.

"Yeah, she is." Skye gives me another quick hug. "Okay, change. Get into the cake, and then the party will get started."

"Sounds good."

I quickly take off my clothes and put on the coconut bra and the black thong and straw skirt. Nothing feels comfortable, but I suppose that's how life goes. I get into the box and I'm glad I'm not claustrophobic because it smells weird and it's dark and it's very warm. I hope I'm not going to be in here for too long.

After about five minutes, I feel the box being moved into another room, which is much louder. I can hear music and conversations, but I can't quite decipher what anyone's saying. I wait for the taps and think about what I'm going to do when I get out of the box. What sort of dance will I do? Should I sing?

My mind drifts to Max. I feel happy. It's weird how happy. I shouldn't feel this ecstatic, but knowing that Maria's his sister has just taken a burden off of my shoulders. Not that he's my boyfriend, or that we're going anywhere, but the fact that he's been texting and calling me has to mean something.

I hear the four bangs on the side of the box and take a deep breath before I push up and jump out. The room is full of eligible, good-looking bachelors and I just start dancing around. I hear the Sabrina Carpenter song Please, Please, Please playing, and I move my hands to the beat of the rhythm. My blonde hair bounces up and down and I feel the coconuts shifting back and forth. They're barely holding my breasts in. I hope to God they don't slip off.

I move to the right and dance around the room singing along to the song. I spot Skye pointing at one guy and I head over to him. He has a huge grin and red lipstick all over his face. I'm wondering who gave it to him. He certainly won't be getting any of my lipstick on his face.

"Are you the bachelor?" I ask as I stand in front of him. I speak in my best Marilyn Monroe tone and he grins.

"The one and only. I'm Jeremiah Crestview."

Jeremiah Crestview. I try not to giggle. What a name. He definitely came from money with a name like that.

"Well, Jeremiah, why don't you have a seat and I'll give you a treat."

Skye looks at me with wide, happy eyes, and I shrug, happy at the little rhyme I've come up with.

"Oh yeah, baby, take those coconuts off," he says as he sits down.

Another guy sits down next to him and I'm guessing it's his best friend. I start moving back and forth in front of them, shaking my ass and the coconuts without getting too close. The song changes to an Adele hit that I don't really think is appropriate for a bachelor party, but I'm not going to tell Skye that as she chose the music.

"Baby, shake those coconuts like your mama wanted you to," the bachelor says, and I try not to raise an eyebrow at him. He's a little bit of a jackass.

I decide to step away from him when he reaches out to pull and tug on my straw grass skirt. I see that there's a small little table and decide to get on top of it and dance. At least then they'd be getting a good view, but I wouldn't have to worry about them trying to touch me.

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