Page 47 of Don't Quit the Day Job

"Did you poison this?" I hold up the coffee cup and sniff.

"No, I would never do that to you, Mr. Spector,” she says demurely, and my eyes narrow as she steps forward, a serene smile on her face. "I just want to let you know that I want to be the best, most professional assistant you've ever seen." She holds her hands together. "Is there anything that I can do for you, Mr. Spector? Or do you need any sugar for your coffee?"

I take a sip of the coffee. Surprisingly, it's not that bad, so I shake my head.

"Why are you here so early?"

"Well, when I got your email last night, I decided I can let this go one of two ways. I can appreciate that my boss wants a bagel for breakfast and get it, or I can email him and tell him to stuff the bagel up his ass. I decided to go with the former."

I can't stop myself from chuckling. "I'd like to see you try and stuff a bagel up my ass."

"Would you?" She breaks the demure smile off her face, her eyes sparkling as she smirks. "Because I can pull that bagel out of the bag and have you bend over if you want."

"Really, Lila?"

She blushes lightly. "But I would never do such a thing," she says in her Stepford wife voice again.

"What is up with your outfit and the way you're talking to me?"

"I have no idea what you mean, Mr. Spector. I am the epitome of a perfect legal assistant, and while I may not have the experience, I am going to do my very best to be the sort of assistant that you deserve and need."

"Are you like an AI robot? Did the world change overnight and create AI robots that look like real people and I didn't know it?"

"No, Mr. Spector," she giggles. "It's me, Lila Haversham and I?—"

"Lila." I hold my hand up. "You were annoying as fuck yesterday, but this shit is even more annoying."

She bites down on her lower lip. "But I thought you wanted me to be the perfect assistant."

"The perfect assistant doesn't talk like a robot and act like a Stepford wife. I hired you because I think you can eventually learn to do a good job and..."

"Because you want to..." She grins as I glare at her.

"Go ahead. I want to what?"

"You want to do a good job at your firm," she says quickly.

"Okay, because if you were going to say I want to sleep with you one more time..."

"No, sir. You are a professional. You would never sleep with your assistant, would you?"

"No, I would not," I confirm.

"And I'm a professional too. I would never sleep with my boss. Especially not one that looks like you."

"Excuse me?"

"I mean you're handsome in an obvious way, but I like men that are distinguished looking and have a little bit of uniqueness to them. You're like a carbon copy frat guy."

"I'll have you know I was never in a frat."

"Well, you're just like a carbon copy of a generic, good-looking guy. Yeah, you could go to Hollywood and make it as an A-list star, and yeah, a lot of women probably want you, but that's not what I'm attracted to. Like sure, you may have a six-pack, but ew. Who really wants to be with a guy with a six pack? All six packs do is make you feel self-conscious about your own body."

"Is that your way of telling me you don't have a six pack, or is that your way of telling me you want to see my six pack?"

"No," she says, shaking her head. "I don't want to see your six pack."

"Good," I say as I step around my desk and come to her. I take another sip of the coffee and swallow slowly. "Because there's one thing you should know, Lila."

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