Page 114 of Don't Quit the Day Job

"Sorry, I was busy."

"I know. It's okay. So how's everything going?"

"Max, I think I have to quit," she says abruptly.

"What?" I frown into the phone.

"I know that I'm your assistant and I know that we're dating and all that, but I've always wanted to be an actress and I just got a role for a movie and I want to take it. You understand, right?"

I take a deep breath. "Yes, I understand."

"This is not how I expected everything to go. Plus, I know you want to follow your dreams, right?"

"Sorry, what?"

"You know, in D.C., becoming a Supreme Court Justice and everything."

I know I should tell her that I wasn't in D.C. I know I should tell her that she's my dream, not becoming a Supreme Court Justice, but I don't want to hold that over her head. I don't want that to be a determining factor in whether or not she takes this role. I want her to succeed. I want her to make it as an actress.

"Are you going to come back?" I ask.

"Yeah. I mean, I'll be back, but I'll have to practice my lines and get ready for this role and I just don't know if I can do that and work for you at the same time."

"That's okay," I say. "When are you back?"

"Tomorrow evening."

"Send me the flight information and I'll pick you up."

"Oh, no, you don't have to do that. I don't want you to have to keep going back and forth to the airport."

"Lila, send me the flight information and I'll pick you up."

"Okay," she says softly. "Thanks."

"Congratulations, by the way. I'm really proud of you. You're really going to be a big star one day, Lila."

"You don't have to say that, Max." Her voice cracks slightly.

"I'm not saying it just to say it, Lila. You're special, and if I've never said it before, I want you to achieve every single one of your dreams. I will always be your biggest supporter."

I want to tell her that I love her. I want to tell her that I'll always be by her side. I want to tell her that I'll wait forever for her, but that's a conversation I need to have in person. That's a conversation where I have to touch her and look into her eyes so that she can see how true and real my feelings are.

So instead, I just hang up and sit in my chair and stare at the door because I don't know what I'm going to do if she tells me that she doesn't want to be with me. I don't know what I'm going to do if she tells me that she wants to focus solely on making it as a star. I don't know what I'm going to do if she tells me she doesn't want me in her life anymore.

My heart breaks for a few moments. Everything I thought I knew about life and destiny, about dreams and goals and making it was wrong. My job doesn't matter. The amount of money I have in my bank account doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is being with the woman that I love. The only thing that matters is getting to hold her in my arms and kiss her and tell her how much she means to me. And I hope, I pray that I'm not losing her. I look at the ring that I've gotten for her, and I hope and I pray that one day it will be on her finger.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Lila

My flight arrives thirty minutes early and I decide to walk to a coffee shop and get myself an espresso while I wait on Max. I'm giddy with happiness that I landed the role of possibly my lifetime, but a part of me feels nervous and sad. I don't want to leave New York. I don't want to move to L.A. and I don't want to end things with Max like this. But when I'd received his text message saying that we had to talk, I had a feeling that he was going to tell me it was over. I had a feeling that he'd been offered the job in D.C. and was going to tell me he was going to move.

It broke my heart. I just didn't know how to think or to feel. I didn't know how my life could be upended by someone I hadn't even known for six months.

I drink my espresso and think about calling Zara or a Skye or Juniper, but I don't even want to talk to anyone. I just want to sit in my feelings. I can feel tears starting to roll down my cheeks as I sit here. I'm sad. I shouldn't feel so sad. I should feel happy. I’m about to achieve a milestone that I've been thinking about since I was a little girl. I finally landed a role in a movie. I was going to be the star of a film with a producer that had actually worked for big studios and they wanted to submit to Sundance and to Cannes. If everything goes well, I could become a real name in the industry. It could lead to real roles that pay a lot of money and could very well set me up for stardom.

But as I sit here holding my cup, I realize I don't care about any of that. I didn't get into acting to become famous. I went into acting because I love the creative ability to be different people and live different lives and soar into different worlds. And maybe part of that was because I didn't have my own life. I didn't have my own love. I didn't have my own dreams other than acting, but now I do.

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