Page 109 of Don't Quit the Day Job

"It's about an audition for a part I think you would be perfect for."

"Oh, really?"

Yeah, I would go, but Kingston is a jackass and he says I can’t take any time off right now, so I thought it would be perfect for you, and I know Max would give you the time off."

"Time off for an audition?"

"Yeah, the role's in L.A., but?—"

"Oh, I can't go to L.A. right now, Skye."

"What do you mean you can't? You don't think Max would give you the time off?"

"It's not that. It's just that…I just don't want to go right now. L.A. is so far." I press my lips together. "The fact of the matter is, I don't want to leave New York. I don't want to be away from Max. I love spending as much time with him as I can, and I know deep inside that I'm postponing my dream, but it doesn't feel like a dream anymore. It's not what I live for. I don't wake up in the morning picturing myself winning an Oscar or Golden Globe anymore. I don't wake up in the morning reciting monologues from Shakespeare. I don't wake up in the morning thinking about anything other than how happy I am to be with Max, and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but right now I don't care. I don't even want to think about it. Thanks for letting me know Skye, but I don't think I'm going to try for it."

"Okay," she says. "Well, that sucks because I really think that you might've got the role. And while it's not a huge part, I think the film director has plans to submit it to Sundance and?—"

"Hey, I got to go, okay?" I hang up because I don't want to hear about all the opportunities that could come from this potential role. I’m grateful that she thought about me, but hearing about the role is stirring something in me that resembles want and right now I don’t want to want anything else. “So what were you saying about this weekend," I ask Marie.

"Did you just get an audition that you turned down?" Marie’s eyes are narrowed and she’s scowling at me.

"I mean, I didn't get the audition. My friend just thought there was a role I might be interested in auditioning for, but I'm not going to. So what were you saying?"

"Oh, I was going to ask you what you wanted to do this weekend."

"I'm not sure. I can ask Max what?—"

"Max isn't going to be in town," Marie says, shaking her head. "I think he's going to D.C., right?"

I stare at her blankly. This was the first I'd heard about it. "What do you mean he's going to D.C.?"

"I think he's going to interview for a job. You know that his goal in life is to become a Supreme Court Justice eventually, and I think there's a job in D.C. that has opened up that would help him to start achieving some of those goals to become closer to a nomination."

"What?" I stare at her, realizing that I hadn’t taken the conversation I’d had with Max about him becoming a Supreme Court Justice seriously. The conversation had gone in one ear and out the other. I’d assumed he was just talking about dreams he didn’t actually think would come true; much like me telling people I wanted to win an Oscar. "He's moving to D.C.?" I stare at her and she looks nervously at me. My heart sinks as she twitches. How had I not realized how serious he’d been about his career goals?

"I mean, he didn't tell me that he's moving to D.C. I just assumed that because he's going to D.C. about a job that if he got the job, he would move there." She looks at me nervously. I mean, it's a long ways away, and I mean, I know he wouldn't just want to leave me in New York by myself. So maybe he has other plans, but…

“Oh, I'm sorry. You look devastated."

"I'm just confused. He and I have been together…I mean, we haven't been together for a super long time, but we've been together for a while and I thought we were in this really close, loving relationship, and I didn't know he had any interest in moving to D.C. I didn't know he was going for a job interview. I didn't know he was going to be away this weekend. Does that mean he's not even serious about our relationship? Am I just a placeholder in his life?" I press my lips together and Marie looks panicked. “Please don't blame yourself. I needed to know this.”

"No, it's not anything. Please, Lila. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought anything up."

"No, it's okay. Maybe I just realized that I'm giving up dreams and aspirations for Max, but he's not doing that for me, and he's not even thinking about me and what I want and my goals and dreams and our lives together. How could he not even tell me?"

"Maybe he's planning on telling you tonight?"

"Maybe," I say.

The door opens then and Max walks in, a wide grin on his face.

"How are my two favorite girls?"

"Good," Marie says quickly. "I'm just making strawberry milkshakes. Do you want one?"

"No, thanks," he says, shaking his head as he walks over to me. He pulls me into his arms and gives me a long deep kiss. "Hey, you."

"Hi," I say, kissing him back passionately. I love the feel and the smell of him. He smells like home on a warm summer night; familiar and relaxing.

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