Page 47 of The Game She Hates

“Ortiz,” Coach’s voice breaks through the tension, drawing all eyes to the front where he sits, his gaze fixed on me. “It is with great pride that I announce you as the new captain of the Glaciers. Your hard work, commitment, teamwork on and off the ice, and recent improvements in your chemistry with the team have demonstrated your dedication.”

Excitement, and a touch of nervousness surge through me. It’s official—I’ve been chosen to fill Tyler’s shoes.

What an honor!

Everyone applauds, including Trent, though his expression remains stoic, but maybe that’s just his face. After all, I need to get to know the guy better outside of our tiffs.

“Tyler.” Coach turns to our retiring captain. “Thank you for your years of dedication and leadership. Your legacy is woven into this team’s fabric.”

Tyler nods, pride and nostalgia flickering in his eyes. I can easily tell he’ll miss being on the team but he’s chosen his family—a man with his priorities in the right order.

Coach moves on to brief us about the press release. There will be many questions for me, but the first person I want to share this big news with is the one who thinks kissing me was a mistake.

31

Pearl Davis

“Did you pray about it? What is the Holy Spirit nudging you to do?” Beatrice asks gently. Despite the patchy connection, I know what great lengths she has gone so that I can hear her voice. When I emailed her about feeling lost and needing a mentor’s opinion, she immediately responded with reassurance. She promised to make the trek into the city just to have this conversation with me. Unfortunately, Fynn had to stay back in the village to teach Sunday School. With a 12-hour time difference, it was already Sunday in Cambodia while it was late Saturday night for me.

“I’ve been asking God to remove Zane from my life since the first time I met him. I knew he’d be trouble for my heart. I knew it then, and yet, I still let him get closer. Now, I feel like God is punishing me for not going with my first instinct.”

“Have you considered that your restlessness may be stemming from not seeking God’s will in this matter? It seems to me that you told Him what you wanted and never took the time to listen. But prayer is not just about asking the Lord for what we want. It’s about presenting our requests and asking for His will to be done in our lives.”

“But he’s an unbeliever!” I say, my words tinged with a hint of pride. I quickly attempt to soften my tone, adding, “God’s word makes it clear whom we should and shouldn’t be yoked with.”

“You’ve already mentioned that honey, but from what you’ve recounted, Zane doesn’t seem to be leading you away from God. It makes me wonder if you could be the light in his life. I don’t mean that you need to jump into a romantic relationship with him, but you and Robyn can invite him to be part of your church family. You just need to make things clear to him.” Suddenly, a light bulb switches on in my mind.

He’s attended our church. He’s allowed me to share my faith in our conversations without pushing me away. He even mentioned that one of the things he admires about me is how I live out my faith by loving others.

And that kiss had so much self-control and restraint, and it definitely wasn’t my doing.

I hadn’t delved past “we kissed at the wedding” with Beatrice. She didn’t need to know all the details of the best kiss of my life.

“I’m afraid to get hurt again, Beatrice. Clay asked me to be a light in his life, but it turned out to just be an excuse to get into bed with me. By the time I realized his true intentions, my heart was already fully invested. I’d rather die than go through that again with Zane.”

Tears fill the corner of my eyes. Thinking the best of people has caused more damage to my heart than good. And although every fiber of my being tells me that Zane is different, I’m still too afraid. The thought of him hurting me is my biggest fear. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and I’m certain the pain would surpass all the heartbreaks I’ve endured if he were to break my heart.

“Don’t say that. The guys you’ve dated in the past pursued you for the wrong reasons, and I admire how cautious you’ve become. It shows you’ve learned. But now, fear seems to be guiding all your decisions. And why haven’t you told Zane all this? Keeping him at arm’s length without giving him a valid reason is probably why he keeps coming back,” she urges in her motherly tone.

I sink onto my bed to lie on my back, prop the phone on my pillow and put it on speaker. My gaze drifts up at the ceiling as I voice my fears, “I fear that if I explain to him that the only reason I can’t date him is because I can’t be with someone who doesn’t share my faith in Jesus, he might just claim he does to win me over. Just like he attended church at the drop of a hat.”

“Once again, acting out of fear isn’t the same as exercising caution. After Clay, you have more discernment now. Remember, you can always ask the Lord to help you discern his true intentions.”

I rub my eyes, feeling more confused than ever. All I wanted out of this conversation was clarity, but even Beatrice isn’t helping, much like Robyn.

Who will?

“Honey, remember, God is never without a plan. Trust Him in every aspect of your life and that includes your love life. Release the grip of past hurts and your preconceived ideas of how love should find you. Your wisdom is admirable, but relying solely on it won’t suffice if you’re seeking to honor your Savior.

“Coming to Jesus with humility for guidance might seem daunting, but remember, your future isn’t a mystery to Him. While you may believe you’re guarding your heart, God’s care for you surpasses your own understanding. Trust Him. The Holy Spirit will never mislead you. Whether it’s parting ways with Zane or letting him into your life, peace will accompany the path God leads you on, even if you have to make a hard decision.”

She concludes with a prayer for me and hangs up, leaving me to ponder her words.

The hardest part of all this is that Beatrice is spot-on. I haven’t once prayed for God’s will. I’ve only asked and begged for Zane to vanish from my heart and life. And despite my efforts to distance myself from him, the peace I’ve been chasing still eludes me.

I close my eyes, still lying on my back, and whisper softly, “Jesus, I realize now that I’ve been approaching You with my own plans, driven by fear rather than faith. I haven’t sought Your will for my relationship with Zane. Today, I surrender control to You. Show me clearly whether Zane should remain in my life or not. I want to trust You with my heart and not rely solely on my past experiences, though I acknowledge they’ve served their purpose. Lord, lead me where You will.”

In my prayer, something became clear. After Clay, I stopped trusting the Lord in matters of my heart. He was the first relationship where I felt peace because I wasn’t constantly trying to compromise my values as I had in past relationships.

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