Page 38 of The Game She Hates

I sense the sincerity in her voice.

“I wish my feelings didn’t have to complicate things. I know you weren’t thrilled with our seats. You were probably getting used to great views with Zane’s tickets.”

The last two games, Robyn managed to score VIP tickets from Zane. I’m really ruining things for her.

“What do you mean? Watching a game with you was on my bucket list.”

“Come on, Robs. It can’t be that important to you.”

“We’ve practically done everything together except this. Just think about it.” She’s right. We’ve done so many things together, except watch hockey.

“But listen.” She clears her throat, “I understand your reservations about Zane. You’re worried he’ll turn out like Clay. But he’s different. Despite all the silence, he’s been patient with you. He’s still here and he watched you from a distance like he was scoring just for you. And despite all the attention he gets from other women, he hasn’t given in to any of them. I’m just saying that you’ve always been all about real love and romance, and it seems like Zane might be embodying that.”

Robyn is usually the one stopping me from getting into relationships. Her admiration for Zane as her favorite player might be the one speaking.

“You told me he keeps a really low profile, so who knows if he really isn’t giving in to these fans of his. Anyway, whether his feelings are real or not, we can’t work, and you know that. He doesn’t believe in God. Our whole worldview is different. ‘Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness.’ 2 Corinthians 6:14. God breathed this word for me and for my situation. I can’t turn a blind eye just because Zane is basically eye candy and has all these great qualities.”

“The fact that he came to church makes me think he’s not that apprehensive about knowing God. Maybe give him that opportunity. Invite him to church again. You never know how and when the Lord will reveal Himself to people.”

“No, it’s too risky. I’ve had my fill of turning my dating life into a conversion project. I need to guard my heart above all else. I know my soulmate is out there, praying, asking God to bring his future wife and hoping I’m ignoring the wrong men that come looking like Zane. I can’t keep investing in relationships where faith misaligns.”

Even after saying this, the thought of another guy entering my life doesn’t quite sit right.

Goodness!

How do I have it this bad for a hockey player, of all professions. And not just any, but a wildly popular one.

It’s ironic, really. Here I am—someone who prefers to blend into the background, remain unnoticed and unseen, always occupying the last row in school and church to evade unnecessary attention—now pining for everyone’s celebrity crush.

My heart couldn’t have orchestrated a better prank if it tried.

During dinner, Robyn gave up trying to convince me to talk to Zane. I know she understands me, her relationship with Jesus also comes first and she’d do the same if she was in my shoes. Not that I can imagine her catching feelings for a man. All the years I’ve known her, she only knows how to scare them away. I wish I could be more like her, and keep my heart under wraps instead of wearing it on my sleeve.

After my shower, I head to my room. Robyn’s working on her project, finally having found her groove again with her team. I feel for her, I could never be in an industry as harsh. At least she knows how to stand up for herself.

I, on the other hand, have the best career in the world, rivaled only by pediatricians.

Working with children who are navigating different challenges as they try to find their forever homes has always been my dream. When I sense even a glimmer of affection from a child’s family, I make it my duty to help the child see it too. As someone who once lost hope before finding Beatrice and Fynn, I refuse to let these children miss out on the chance of an amazing family or have to bear the weight of their heavy baggage alone. It’s not their fault. They didn’t choose the life they’ve been dealt.

I pick up my devotional, hoping it will lull me into sleep, when my phone vibrates in my drawer, causing my heart to skip a beat.

It’s around the time when Zane would typically call, but it’s been a few days of silence. Part of me is relieved he’s stopped calling since I wasn’t picking up, but another part of me has ached at the absence of his name on my screen every night.

My feelings are frustratingly complex.

I stretch my arm and open the drawer, surprised that I even forgot to silence my phone before I went to bed, something I always do. Maybe, a part of me did hope Zane would reach out.

The message from Zane pops up on my screen:

Zane

Thanks for coming to the game. You have no idea how much I needed that.

My heart swells at his message, and I’m tempted to pour out my feelings to him. I wouldn’t mind watching him play for the rest of his career. Seeing him on ice was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life. My eyes were glued on him, following his every move with ease, more effortlessly than when I watched him play on TV. He was amazing and a hundred times hotter than I already knew him to be.

But I bottle it all up inside. Each conversation with him threatens to unravel my true feelings, and I can’t contradict all the days I’ve dedicated to avoiding him. It would seem as though all my suffering was for nothing—and probably his too.

Jesus, help me discern what to do with my heart. I’ve tried everything I know, but I’m at a standstill. All I want is to honor You in my relationships and bring glory to Your name. I know Zane can’t be my person because he doesn’t know You. Help him find You, Lord. I know I’m asking for selfish reasons, but I know You care about him even more than I do. You care about everyone’s soul. Please save his. Amen.

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