Page 33 of Swiping Right (and other disasters)

“Me too,” said Kiera. Her phone pinged with a notification, and she checked it quickly.

“I’m bored…” Abi had typed, adding a winky emoji then a kiss emoji. This was new. Kiera pocketed her phone, planning to respond later.

“You’ve gone red,” said Clodagh, talking through a full mouth.

“Have not.”

“Oh my God, you’re sexting!” she said, having swallowed her mouthful.

“Am not.” Kiera took a sip from her drink. “Yet.”

“Knew it!” said Clodagh, a note of triumph in her voice.

“Well, I think that might be where this is going.” She offered her phone to Clodagh. “Look.”

“‘I’m bored’ in the middle of the day,” said Clodagh, delighted. “A total classic. What she means is she’s on her sofa in her pants and wants a thrill.”

“Now there’s an image I wasn’t expecting,” said Kiera, going red again, and giving up trying to ignore her propensity to blush.

“What have you got on this afternoon?”

“Oh, a boring meeting.”

“Perfect opportunity for some fun,” said Clodagh.

“I hope you don’t do that sort of thing when you’re working,” said Kiera, disapprovingly.

“Well not when I’m with patients, of course not! But boring meetings are another matter.”

“How is it that you’ve done all this stuff, and I’m completely clueless?” asked Kiera, half joking, half serious.

“Because you’re a little innocent flower and you live on a sparkly cloud. I’m sure we can change that, though.” They both laughed.

The meeting was predictably boring. It was scheduled to run for two and a half hours, and Kiera knew that after the first half hour it wasn’t going to get any better. She tentatively took her phone out and checked her emails. No one seemed to notice. In fact, everyone else appeared to be looking at either a laptop screen or a phone themselves.

“Not as bored as me,” typed Kiera in response to Abi’s text. Three dots appeared straight away.

“Doubt it. What you up to?”

“I’m in a boring meeting with about twenty other bored people talking about boring things.”

“Oh, I bet you’re being all important and high-powered. Mmm.”

Kiera smiled to herself, although when she looked around the room, she couldn’t picture anyone really being described as important or high-powered, least of all her. She could go along with it, though.

“Yes, that’s me! So, what are you doing that’s so boring?”

“Nothing, really. Just chilling on the sofa, eating custard creams and wondering what you’re up to.”

Kiera almost asked her if she was wearing nothing more than pants.

“Custard creams, huh? Very retro. I’m more of a bourbon girl, myself,” typed Kiera, wondering if she was in fact drifting into a Victoria Wood sketch rather than a flirty text exchange.

“Classy. Send me a pic of you in that room.”

“Now?”

“Go on, bet you can do it without anyone noticing.”

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