Page 52 of Swiping Right (and other disasters)

“Our savings?”

“I’m so sorry,” said Chrissie, sobbing. “I have been utterly, utterly stupid. I have been taken in by a conman. He said that it would all be ok, we just had to let go. But that these possessions would be kept safe in case we should ever need them.” She pulled another tissue from the box in front of her. “He lied.”

Their savings. It couldn’t be. Could it?

Kiera pulled out her phone. She had to see this for herself. She opened the banking app. There it was. Just twenty-one pence remained in their joint savings account. Chrissie left the room. Kiera could hear the kettle go on again. Her ears were buzzing. She couldn’t work out if she was angry or upset. Probably both. But none of her thoughts made any sense any more. Her phone buzzed in her pocket for the hundredth time, and again, she ignored it.

Chrissie put a cup of tea in front of Kiera. She didn’t say a word. Mr Chips walked into the room, having woken from a nap in the hallway. He looked up at Chrissie, walked over, gave an experimental sniff, and then trotted over to Kiera, where he settled on her lap. Kiera was glad of his warmth.

“He always lied,” said Kiera, disgust dripping from her voice. “I was an earthly tie too, wasn’t I?”

Chrissie cradled her own face in her hands. “No. I mean not like that.” There was a pause. “He influenced me.”

“No kidding,” said Kiera, her words sounding harsher than she had intended.

“I don’t know why you even came to get me,” said Chrissie, lifting her head. “I really don’t deserve it.”

“Perhaps,” said Kiera, her voice softer now, “but I don’t think you deserve what’s happened to you, either.”

Chrissie nodded her head slowly, and continued with her story, explaining how Lucian had brought the group together more and more often, explaining to them that they were a true family. They could take each other to places no one else could go. He began to plant the seed of leaving Birmingham and going out into the world to be free. Plans were made, and slowly the group members began to detach from their old lives. Lovers were lost, jobs were left, houses abandoned.

“To start with, it was fun,” said Chrissie. “We had a house in the hills in Shropshire, miles from anywhere. The table was always full of amazing organic food, the surroundings were incredible. Lucian would tell us ‘the Goddess will always provide to those who seek her’. I don’t know where he got all this stuff from, because he never seemed to go shopping or anything. And none of us thought to question him or what he was saying. It was like being in a trance or something. He had promised us the good life, and here it was.”

“But…” said Kiera, expectantly, because she could sense it coming.

“We spent two weeks there, absolutely convinced we had reached some kind of nirvana. The days were filled with meditation, dance, food, drink. And then we moved on, to an even more remote place in the Welsh hills. This time it was a bit more basic, but Lucian said that we had to roll with the plans the Goddess had for us. He’d been right about everything so far, or so we thought. The food was still plentiful, although less lavish than it had been before. We settled into a rhythm for the next few months. There was a farm nearby, and we would take it in turns going there to get supplies. Other food would appear, too, which presumably Lucian had organised. But there was no contact with the outside world. We had handed him our mobile phones, laptops, all technology. There was no wifi. We were utterly alone.”

Chrissie talked about the moments when she had wondered what was going on in the outside world, but Lucian reassured her that they didn’t need to know, that the rest of the world was asleep and they were the only ones who were truly awake. He would tell them to trust in him, that he could take them where they needed to be. He said that the more trusting they were, the more they would be rewarded. He encouraged them to ask fewer questions, to take time in their yoga and meditation practice, to be at one with their environment.

“The winter was so cold,” said Chrissie. “There was never quite enough wood for the fire. Lucian said this was our chance to be at one with nature and our ancestors.”

They had moved again a few months later. This time the location seemed yet more remote and the accommodation more rudimentary. Once more, this was presented as a test, as a way of enriching their spiritual selves. Anyone questioning what they were doing was berated for not trusting in the way of the Goddess, for not trusting in Lucian himself. He told them that trust was its own reward, and if they were suffering in any way, it was a reflection of their own weakness and lack of trust in the process.

“I had long since stopped thinking about what the process even was,” said Chrissie. “I just wanted to get to the next day, to be the best follower I could be. I tried not to question, even when the food became more scarce, and life became harder. I thought if I could be the perfect acolyte I would ascend to a higher way of being. I genuinely believed I could reach a state where I didn’t need heat or food or comfort. That was what Lucian said we should aspire to. He knew this because he himself had reached that point.”

The longer Chrissie spoke, the angrier and more dismayed Kiera became. There was something dispassionate about the way she talked of this man, a man who had abused her. The strongest accusation Chrissie had made so far was that he had lied.

“One day he said he was going away for a few days. He said it was another test. He didn’t say how long he was going for, but he said we needed to show that we could maintain the process without him. He said we mustn’t leave the grounds of the place we were staying. If we could show that we could do that, we would be rewarded; we would move into a new place and live the life of plenty we had dreamed of.”

It was at this point that Chrissie had realised they were all losing weight. The lack of food was beginning to have an impact. Her relationship with Athena had become challenging, because Athena wanted to leave Lucian and the ‘True Family’. But Chrissie was afraid they wouldn’t get any further in the process if she left. Lucian had told them they needed to do this as one. That was the only way.

The days were long and empty without Lucian, who had not been losing weight in the same way the others had. The group began to break down and bicker. The food was running desperately low and somewhere between fatigue and hunger, relationships were being tested.

“I told them this was the whole point, that we had to show we could deal with this without turning on each other, or breaking any of the rules. But Athena had had enough. One day her and one of the others, Hari, snuck out in the early hours of the morning before we were awake. They left us a note saying they had gone for food. We panicked when we realised they were gone. We knew this was bad. So bad.”

And Chrissie was right, it had been bad. Kiera listened as she described the moment Lucian had returned later that morning to find the group reduced in number by two. Others had tried to defend Athena and Hari, explaining that they’d only gone out to explore and would be back soon. Lucian lost his temper that day for the first time, throwing furniture, breaking crockery, roaring at them for abandoning him and the process. Chrissie was terrified, cowering in the corner, apologising all the time for something she had not done.

“Lucian locked himself away in his room and wouldn’t talk to us for hours. He always had his own room, while we would share – four or five of us to a room. And then he burst out of his room and left the house. He stood outside the front door with his arms folded. Athena and Hari were back.”

Chapter Thirty-Eight

The doorbell rang, causing Chrissie to jump. Kiera stood to go and answer it, checking her phone as she went. The notifications were too numerous to make sense of. Her car was outside. Whoever was at the door would know she was in. She had to face up to what she had done, even though she still didn’t really know exactly what that was. She opened the door.

“Hi, Kiera,” came a voice that Kiera had known for so many years. She was relieved it was Lou. “What’s going on?”

“It’s complicated,” said Kiera. “You should come in.”

Lou’s mouth didn’t drop open when she saw Chrissie, as Kiera had expected. Her lips tightened, and Kiera immediately had the sense that she was being disapproved of.

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