Did I actually just speak to my mother about ejaculation? My head must really be spinning out of control if I forgot myself so easily.
"I apologize," I tell her and make to get up, but her hand on my shoulder keeps me firmly in place.
"I know you're desperate to be done with this whole thing," she says, "but can you not find any grace in your intended?"
Lottie comes to the front of my mind—if she ever left it in the first place—and I catch my breath. Up until she told me who she really was, I would have told Mother that I could find more than enough grace for Lottie. That I looked forward to providing for her and to being her husband and king.
She is more than I could have hoped for. She is kind and sweet. She is beautiful beyond compare. And she is opinionated, as frustrating as that was in the beginning. She is unlike any woman I've ever met.
And her kisses?
Oh the shadows of them, of her feel all over my body, the feel of me inside her body was so much more than I could have ever imagined.
She is one of a kind.
"No," I answer my mother and shake my head, hoping Lottie will clear from my thoughts. And she does. Momentarily.
"I see." Mother takes a deep breath and looks to the royal crest carved into the wall.
A tightness forms in my throat. It's like poison. Like acid that wants to burn me, burn my words, my rejection.
"Well, there are solutions. If your bride is not agreeable." I turn to look at Mother and she purses her lips before she continues. "As long as you sire an heir, you can send her to the Convent of Ays. She can have her freedom and you yours."
I grimace.
"Force her into nunhood?" If my throat felt toxic before, it's positively radioactive now.
I can't imagine committing such a crime to Lottie. Forcing her to dedicate her days to celibacy and our Gods. Forcing me to live apart from her. Apart from her eyes, her lips, her breasts, her flesh.
I can't stomach the idea. I can't fathom ever doing such a thing. Yes, she lied to me but she doesn’t deserve that. I don’t deserve it either.
Spending all those days by her side, I dared to dream. To think being married wouldn't be so bad. That, in fact, it can be absolute bliss. That I can have her and she can have me, without obstructions, without limits, for the rest of our lives. That it is possible to… to find absolution in her heaven.
"No," I say, sharply.
My tone makes Mother jump, but before she can inquire further, the doors swing open and Lottie storms in, all red and flustered.
"You big, fucking idiot! Do I mean nothing to you? Do the past few days mean nothing to you? You abduct me from my planet, lock me up in a room, force me into marriage and I said nothing?—"
"Well, not nothing." I rise from my seat just as Lottie smashes her hand to my chest, pushing me back.
"Don't interrupt me! Despite everything, I gave myself to you. I allowed you to touch me, to kiss me, to fall for me..."
She allowed me to fall for her? Who does she think she is to make such a claim?
"And I allowed myself to fall for you and the minute I tell you the truth, you forget all about me? Huh? What is wrong with you? Do I only mean something as long as I'm a princess? Huh? And what did you expect me to do? To let a bunch of brutes abduct a Crown Princess and cause an international, interplanetary crisis?"
Interplanetary? That's laughable at best. Earth couldn't hurt an alien fly if they tried.
"I was doing my job and protecting my boss. If you can't understand that then you really are the biggest asshole I have ever met, and trust me, coming from a human woman, that says a lot considering all the asshole men our world is littered with."
She keeps slamming her hand on my chest and although it barely registers, the impact of her touch paired with her words feels like a punch in the gut each time.
I try to focus on that, that movement, and not her face, her eyes, her gorgeous pink lips. I try to focus on her hand and not how drakking sexy she looks when she's angry. How absolutely feral. And how terribly hard this whole outburst makes me.
"Well? Are you going to say something? Asshole?" she huffs when I don't respond to her.
"I take it this is your bride?" Mother says and Lottie seems to realize there's another person in the room and turns to her.