Page 46 of Red My Lips

I need oxygen.

Walking out of the suffocating building and stepping outside, I feel like I can finally breathe again. My feet carry me purposefully through the door and towards my car, my body needing to be in motion with all of the emotions I’m keeping barely contained.

Gage keeps pace with me easily, I can feel him right behind me. His presence is both intrusive and annoyingly comforting, which grates on my already fraying nerves.

My head is spinning with so many unanswered questions and so many what-ifs.

Another dead end, another useless lead. I know law enforcement’s interest in my brother’s case is going to dry up, and probably soon. This failed experiment just used up some of my goodwill with the city, and I’m leaving empty-handed. No death certificate, no body.

No hope.

It’s fucking maddening.

“It wasn’t Tommy,” I mutter to myself, shaking my head.

“No, it wasn’t.” Gage’s deep voice has me halting mid-step to look at him. His dark gaze clashes with mine, holding me captive.

“How did you know?” I think back to what he said back in the exam room. He’d never met Tommy before, so how would he know it wasn’t him?

“You. I saw it in your eyes,” he replies. “What were you looking for in his belongings?”

I turn back around to continue my stomp back to my car. I have to keep moving, or I’ll go crazy. “My brother wears a gold bracelet. It’s this tacky Cuban link monstrosity that he never takes off. It has a pair-of-aces charm on it. Tommy’s convinced it’s good luck, he calls it ‘the ace up his sleeve.’ He hasn’t been without it since he won the damn thing in his first real poker game.” I let out a humorless laugh. “On his very few good days, it was the reason for his winning streak. On all the other days, it was his ticket out of a slump.”

“You didn’t get answers today, but you will someday.” I whirl on him, all but colliding with his chest from his proximity. All of the emotions building inside me have come to a head, my eyes blazing like a volcano on the brink of eruption.

“Those are just words, Gage. Not everyone gets pretty answers tied up in a bow. In fact, most of the time, you’re left with nothing but the possibilities of what should’ve been while living with everything that isn’t.” I push on his solid chest, only to find him movable as a mountain. He takes a small step back to give me some room, his eyes never leaving mine. “The reality is, this is all I’ll ever get—maybes and some days.”

I’m not going to keep getting my hopes up just to be let down over and over again. I can’t. It’s like my brother is still in my life with the way I’m being jerked around. Nothing but disappointments and frauds—like father like son.

“I have to get out of here.” I reach for my car door but pause before I get in. “I’m going to Lana’s. Since I know you’re gonna be following me.” Sliding behind the wheel, I peel out of the parking lot and make my way through the city to the one person I really need right now.

My best friend.

“I know, baby. I was looking forward to seeing you tonight, too, but my friend really needs me. We can go out another night.” Lana coos into the phone, looking at me and rolling her eyes at the needy man on the other end of the phone. She smiles at whatever he says next. “Yes, it’s Jill. You remember Jill, right? She’s having a family emergency, and I need to be here for her right now.”

She’s already been here for several hours with me. I arrived at her apartment a complete mess. We talked about what happened at the Medical Examiner’s office today, and I cried. By the time we moved on to other, less dark and twisty, topics Lana decided to cancel the date she had planned with a music producer we met a few weeks ago. I told her it wasn’t necessary, but she insisted. And not so secretly, I’m happy about that decision. We’re gonna make tonight a full-on girl’s night sleepover.

“Oh, thank you, baby. Are you sure? You’re so sweet.” She flashes me a wink, making a smile tug at my lips. “Yes, I’ll call you tomorrow. Bye, handsome.” Lana ends the call and drops her phone on the counter before pulling me into another hug.

“He’s having Carbone delivered to us,” she says, making me laugh. If anyone can get a guy to send food from one of the nicest restaurants in the city after canceling a date last minute, it’s Lana. “Okay, now that that’s done—let’s get comfy and open a bottle of wine.”

I follow her into her bedroom and head straight to her dresser. Pulling out a pair of her cozy pajama sets, I start to change. “What, no Christos tonight?” I ask, pulling the little shorts up. Lana reaches into her drawer, pulls out some silk pajamas, and starts to undress.

“Nope.” When she doesn’t explain, I flash her a look that says I can read her like a book.

“Care to elaborate?” I ask knowingly. Lana tries to shrug it off, but she knows me better than that.

“He’s been on edge about some business deals and has to sort out a few things for the next couple of days. I figured it was better to give him some space and stay out of it.”

“Is he putting you in danger?” I ask, scooping my hair up into a messy bun on top of my head.

“No,” she says none too convincingly. I narrow my eyes at her.

“Are you sure about that?”

“Please, Jill. With the guys we date, are we ever not in a little danger?” She has a point. “I’m not with Christos, so his mess won’t touch me. Besides, with your guy around, it’s like we have our own security detail. He’s probably parked outside right now, watching the building.”

That’s also true. He followed me all the way here, the sound of his sexy motorcycle echoing in the distance at every turn. If he’s not still outside right now, chances are he has eyes on me somehow. He’s always watching.

---