Page 9 of Echoes of Eternity

“What now? Come on. You know the stress I’m under right now. Why are you crying?”

“Ryan! Look at yourself!” She pointed to the mirrors on the sliding doors of the closet. He looked over and saw his reflection. Red-faced and leaning over her. He relaxed a measure and sat on the bed beside her.

Touching his forehead, his voice softened. “I’m sorry, Emily. I don’t know what came over me.”

“What’s going on? Is something wrong with the grill? You were done with the digitalization of the business like a week ago. Right?”

He shoved a hand through the air. “Yeah. It’s just been a mess. There’s a lot of unknowns Jason and I are trying to sort out right now.”

“Unknowns?” Emily adjusted her seat on the bed to face him.

“Yeah. For instance, we found these drafts that were being sent out every month for years from the business bank account. But we had no information attached to it other than bank account numbers and routing numbers. We figured out most of them. Like one was for an orphanage my parents have been supporting in Africa, and another was for a church in Buffalo and another for a little church in Vermont.”

“Your dad was a good man, Ryan. I know it’s got to be a lot of pressure to take care of his baby, A.K.A. his grill.”

Ryan laughed lightly and smiled. “Yeah. It’s a lot of pressure. There’s just so much going on with this business, and . . .”

Moving closer to him on the bed, Emily rubbed his shoulder. “And what?”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he shook his head as his chin dipped. “I feel lost. I feel so disconnected from God and there’s this dark tinge over everything in life right now. I feel like I can’t get close to Him . . . I’m not as strong as you.”

“I’m not that strong either Ryan. I break down at least two or three times a day since we got back.”

His gaze met hers. “Really?”

“Yeah. I do it in private. Sometimes it’s just hearing a song in the car or when I’m folding laundry. It hurts so bad and seeing you hurting makes it hurt more.”

He sighed and nodded, wiping tears. “It’s all terribly difficult to deal with and that’s without even mentioning my brother and my mom. I want to be there for them so bad.”

“You want to move there, don’t you?”

He shook his head in a few quick successions. “No. Yes. I mean, I don’t know. You love your job, we love our church family, and our life is here in La Jolla.”

Hearing the front door slam, Emily grabbed Ryan’s hand as he leapt from the bed at the sound.

“Please, Ryan. Let me be your helpmate?”

He took a deep breath and agreed. Walking together, they met Elizabeth as she turned to go into her bedroom.

She slammed the door in their faces, and Ryan bit his knuckle.

With a low voice, Emily came in close to Ryan. “She’s a teenager who got caught sneaking out. She’s mad. We don’t need to stoop to her level and show our emotions.”

Ryan, tight-lipped, folded his arms and turned to her. “Okay. How do you propose we do that?”

“Pray.”

Ryan’s face softened, and he lowered his gaze downward as he dropped his arms. Leading the two of them in a quiet prayer, he took her hands into his own.

“God . . . here I am again, begging You for help. I know I’ve been knocking on Your door a lot more lately . . . I . . . I need You now just like I needed You this morning, yesterday more times than I can count . . . and last week, and the week before that. Over and over again . . .” Pausing, Ryan wiped his eyes as he sighed heavily. “Please, Lord, help me . . . Strengthen me, Lord. I keep failing over and over again.” Giving his wife’s hands a squeeze, he continued. “Strengthen us. Help us, God.”

Concluding the prayer, Emily stopped him before they went into the bedroom.

“I miss him too, Ryan. Know that I’m not trying to be difficult or make things harder for you. I’m just trying to be your helpmate.”

“I know, Em. And thank you.”

They went into the bedroom.

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