Page 72 of Romancing Rem'eb

Rem’eb shoots Chalath another scowl, but his shoulders relax a bit. My mate turns to me and offers his hand. “I have a headache and wish to lie down in the tent. Will you join me?”

Getting to my feet, I put my hand in his and give the others a weak smile. “Anyone’s welcome to stay here if they don’t want to come back with us. I can send a search party for you later.”

“Harsh,” Colleen mutters as we head off.

I don’t care if it’s harsh. If they don’t think I’m capable, I can send someone else after them later. They’ll be fine as long as they stay close to the base of the ship. I’ve got bigger worries—namely what’s going to happen with Rem’eb and me. This is a conversation we need to have.

So why is my gut clenched so tight? He said he wanted to stay with me.

I’m just not sure it’s the right answer because it screws over everyone else for our happiness. I’m not sure I can live with that.

When we’re alone in the small tent, I pull my boots off and then curl up on the furs as he peels off his outer layers and then does the same. He sits across from me, crossing his legs, and then reaches for my hands. When he talks, he pitches his voice low and soft so no one else can eavesdrop. “We are here, my Tia. I can understand all your words now. Speak your feelings to me.”

My mouth goes dry. I lick my lips, thinking. I’ve wanted to say so much to him for weeks, and now that I can, my brain empties out. “I wanted to tell you how I feel,” I begin. “That was my goal for you to get this language from the ship. I needed to say everything I could to you before you left me.”

“I do not think I can leave you now. Not with a child on the way.” Rem’eb gives his head a little shake. “I knew it would be difficult, but with every day that passes, I think of waking up without you at my side, without seeing the face of our child, and I realize I am far too weak to let that happen. I care for my people, but I will give up everything for you, my mate.”

Tears fill my eyes. “But you shouldn’t have to. I hate that this is a them-or-me situation. Even if I win, I don’t feel like I’m truly winning. Someone else is going to suffer for my happiness.”

“Then you do not want me to stay?” His expression is tight, as if he’s holding back agony. “Is it because of I’rec? And the messages you sent to him?”

The messages…I stare at him in surprise. Is he jealous? “I’rec resonated to someone else before I even knew you.”

“That does not mean your heart has moved on.” He looks uneasy, his fingers twitching against mine as we hold hands, as if he wants to clutch me tighter.

I shake my head. “There’s nothing between me and I’rec. Our entire relationship was messy. Do you know I was sent away from the Icehome tribe? I was young and I flirted with all the single guys…and they flirted back. The attention was so nice. God. For the first time, I felt like the center of the universe. But then they also got jealous of each other and started fights, and so I was sent away because they decided that guys that hunt and contribute were worth keeping and I wasn’t.” My voice grows bitter and I realize that yes, I’m still resentful of the entire situation. I haven’t forgotten, haven’t forgiven. “I went to Croatoan and lived with strangers, and they were so lovely and kind to me. They didn’t make me feel like I was a problem. Like I was some beach Jezebel.”

And yet they still weren’t my people. Everyone at Croatoan was friendly and wonderful, but they had all known each other for so long, had bonds together that I couldn’t possibly understand, and no matter how much they tried to include me, I still felt like the odd one out. I was the only unmated woman, the only unmated person of my age, and the only stranger. No matter how I tried, I still felt like the odd one out.

It’s why I returned to Icehome. I wanted to see if it felt more like home than being at Croatoan for four years, or if I’d always feel like the one that didn’t belong.

“It was wrong of them to reject you,” Rem’eb tells me fervently. “Any male would be proud to claim you as his mate and have you at his side.”

I shake my head. I don’t know if he’d understand about my childhood of boarding schools, of summer camps away from home and nannies because my parents were never around. I never lacked for pretty clothes, or the newest phones. Just…attention. Affection. Maybe that’s why I need it so badly. Maybe that’s why it hurts so much when Rem’eb doesn’t see me. “Then why haven’t you asked me to go back with you? To your people?”

Rem’eb’s expression is stunned. His mouth falls open. “I…I did not think to ask. I did not realize you were waiting for me to ask you.”

“I didn’t realize I needed you to ask until just now.” I shrug. “I guess I needed to hear from you that you wanted me.”

“I do want you. I want you more than anything.” Even as he holds my hands, he lifts his others and cups my face. “I cannot bear the thought of one morning without you by my side, and that is why I have not asked you to return to my people with me. I would never let them put you behind a wall.”

I give him an encouraging smile. “Then you take down the wall.”

Rem’eb hesitates. “That is my goal, but it might take time. Some will be resistant to it. Some will worry that the sickness will spread again. That we are making things unsafe for the very females we seek to protect.”

“Did anyone ever ask these women if they wanted to be behind a wall?” I shake my head, playing with his fingers. “People are allowed to choose if they want to be with their mates or not. Maybe some will want to stay behind the wall, but others will want to be with their families. They will want freedom. No one deserves to be shut away because they’re a problem.”

“Like you were?” he asks softly.

I nod. Maybe I have more in common with the women there than I thought. “Things are changing, too. Like Harlow said, we might be able to send messages back and forth through the pod—the Oracle. Even if we can’t, we can send runners back and forth. If you have an outbreak of sickness in your village, I know Veronica would come and help out.”

He considers this. “She is the dragon’s mate? The one with the special khui?”

“She’s a healer, yes.”

Rem’eb nods thoughtfully. “If she comes to our village, I am not certain my people would ever let her go.”

His worry makes me chuckle. “Have you seen her mate? They can try.”

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