Page 79 of Deadly Secrets

“Some of my best memories happened in this house,” I confessed. He searched my face, trying to find something. Regret, maybe? What could it have been but never was?

“What happened between you two?”

Too much was what I wanted to say.

“I think somewhere down the line, we became more than friends, but after what happened between my dad and William, my father made it his mission to forbid me from seeing Ander. While I was in Switzerland, we tried to stay in touch through letters, but…let’s say the mail got lost before they reached their destination.” I changed the subject. “Tell me more about your father. What was your relationship like?” I wanted to know more about Zayn and what made him, well, him. He always carried this I don’t give a fuck attitude about himself, but the truth was that I began to witness a side of him that I never expected to see. He was full of passion and cared about the people he loved.

“He was the best man I’ve ever known. He would come to every single tournament and take me fishing on the weekends. My mom absolutely adored him. That’s why I struggled to understand what she saw in William or how she could be ready to settle down with another man so quickly.”

“She seems happy.”

“I think so too. I stopped overanalyzing it when I realized my attitude was negatively affecting her. The last thing I want is to have the only parent I have left resenting me.”

He’d never been so honest with me, and I appreciated that he was opening up to me on such a delicate subject.

“She loves you, Zayn. I can see that much.”

Zayn gently raised his hand, tucking away a stray strand of hair that had slipped from my ponytail behind my ear. The gesture was so sweet and caring that my body shifted toward his until his palm touched my face, and his thumb stroked my flushed cheeks with light movements.

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are, Sienna?”

My blush deepened, but it wasn’t because of the workout this time.

“When you say those things, it’s hard to resist you,” I admitted.

“Believe me, it’s taking me a lot of restraint not to bend you over the sofa right now and fuck you senseless.”

My pussy throbbed. I hadn’t had sex since Thanksgiving, and my body was now betraying me. Four weeks was a long time when I was constantly surrounded by the hottest guys I’d ever hooked up with in my life. Maggie said I was a lucky bitch, but my conscience was working overtime. No matter how I looked at it, any decision I made would hurt someone.

“What do YOU want, Sienna? Forget about what I want and what Noah wants.”

And what Ander wants…

He saw what was going through my mind.

“I wish it were that simple,” I answered.

“It is. We have talked about death and grieving. A little talk about your feelings and what you want is light conversation at this point.” He chuckled.

Could I be totally honest with him? Would he think I was a little slut for all these thoughts I had in my head about having sex with them? Maybe at the same time? I was already carrying a significant weight of guilt for not mourning my parents in the way society deemed appropriate. The truth was that my heart still ached from the loss. However, these guys had unexpectedly entered my life amid this emotional chaos. Their presence, how they seemed to care about me, had breathed new life into my world, offering a glimmer of hope within the shadow of my grief.

“Don’t judge me, okay?”

“Never.”

I took a deep breath before saying, “I really like you and Noah.” For now, I opted to exclude Ander from the conversation, as managing the situation with two candidates in the running was challenging enough. “Not only because of the way you make me feel…physically. I mean, the sex has been amazing, no complaints here, but the way you are, too, especially around me. You show me that you care about me, about my well-being…keeping me safe. I can’t think about a scenario where I choose one and not the other…so I’ve been wondering what it would be like…you know… to be with both of you.”

Zayn’s eyes widened.

I knew it. I shouldn’t have opened my mouth.

“What do you mean by ‘the both of us’? At the same time?”

A grin slowly appeared on his face. I nudged him away with my shoulder, hoping to prevent his smug expression from leading to any teasing or jokes.

“You know what I mean, asshole. Yes.”

“Interesting choice of words.”

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