Page 41 of Heartless

“She chose Reed,” Nadia said quietly.

“They chose each other, I guess. I mean, I still don’t know how I feel about that, since he was a real asshole to me growing up.” Marnie turned to me, and her unease was written all over her pretty face. “I feel really bad, Vail. I know you and Reed were together, and he told me Jasper wants an alpha triad with him and Callum. I don’t want to get in the way of any of that…”

I took her hands, smoothing out her clenched fingers. “There’s nothing to get in the way of, Marnie. The triad thing was before, when Jasper thought I wanted to be with Callum.” I didn’t bother hiding my distaste at that idea. “I promise, you have nothing to apologize for. I know I’ve confused you all, bouncing between the guys…” My breath caught, the thought of him never waking up so painful, I could barely speak. “T-the truth is… it’s always been Jasper.”

The other girls came in close, a circle of reassurance. “He’ll be okay,” Nadia whispered in my ear. “I can’t believe in a world where he finally finds love, and doesn’t get to experience it with you.”

I nodded and we were all teary for a bit, before settling down on our pillows. It was comforting to hear their small nighttime sounds, but sleep wasn’t the escape it used to be. Darkness might have once teased me for impersonating a corpse when my head hit a pillow, but ever since we’d arrived at the caves, the only thing waiting for me on the other side were nightmares.

Since the cabin, they were always the same. My heart hammering in my chest as I moved through shadow and light, soft fur brushing my skin a moment before sharp claws raked my flesh. Like always, I was running through the cave tunnels, chasing a wisp of a wolf’s tail that was always out of reach. It was gold, like it had been dipped in sunlight, and I knew it was Jasper. But there was something behind me, too. Something that ate up the tunnel floor with powerful strides, its breath a meaty wind on the back of my neck…

I sat up in alarm, the dream slithering away like an oily skin. My heart was beating so loudly in my ears, I thought it would have woken the entire cave, but the other girls were unmoving lumps in the darkness. I knew I wouldn’t be able to settle again, so I pulled on my sweats, and carrying my Vans, tiptoed through their sleeping bodies.

My feet carried me down the tunnels before I’d even laced my shoes. And every step echoed with how desperately I wanted to see Jasper. I knew it was probably because of the dream – I didn’t need a shrink to tell me I was terrified he was slipping away. But I also knew our wolves were at a stalemate. Everything Theo told me said that having three animals in a relationship was a complicated balancing act. And the fact my two had never really come to an understanding was only making it harder on Jasper’s wolf, who was caught in the middle.

I didn’t know how to fix that, but bringing Jasper out of his own nightmare had to be a good start. Except my feet bypassed the rock pool room altogether and took me straight to the cave’s front chamber. I wasn’t really sure what had brought me here, especially since it was even spookier in the middle of the night. A gas lamp burned like a lone beacon in the darkness, but an icy draught was blowing in from the cave mouth, strong enough to hurl wild shadows against the walls. I shivered, cursing my wandering feet. It was too cold, too dark… But maybe some of that dream still had me in its claws, because despite that desperate need to go back to Jasper, I found myself picking up the gas lamp and standing in front of the faded drawings on the wall.

On my previous visit, I’d had the misfortune of Pearl’s company while I studied them. But under the warm glow of the lamp, with nothing but shadows at my back, I could pick out details I’d missed. Pearl had used the cave drawings to illustrate how ruthless the pack could be, especially when it came to alpha females protecting their males. But she’d also told me the story of Marrow, the first of the Skin Kings. I hadn’t known the truth about my bloodline at the time, so it had just sounded like a scary story about a mythical monster. But as I studied them now, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.

In the main drawing, Marrow was depicted as a half-man, half-wolf figure, like the picture Theo had shown me in Estella’s journal. But instead of the Disney-style congregation of animals, he was standing over a pile of shattered bodies. I’d thought they were a mixture of men and other wolves, but as I looked closer, I saw a long tail that was more pointed than it should have been. My breath caught, my finger lifting to trace the creature’s rounded ears. As a heavy feeling settled in my stomach, I picked out other anomalies I’d missed. Like feathers on the arms of a dying man, and even a mane rippling in the wind as another tried to flee. Pearl had said that this was the moment when the blood claw was formed. When pushed to the edge by their enemies, Marrow had developed the deadly weapon and passed it on to every alpha after him. I could still hear the smug satisfaction in her voice as she told me the pack then took their rightful place as the top predators in the land.

By putting every other kind of shifter under their blood claw.

I took a step back, taking in the scene of carnage with new eyes.

But was I really surprised? Everyone knew history was written by the victors. Theo had said as much, and I knew from my classes at the academy that the wolves had controlled the shifter narrative for centuries.

It still left me with a tight feeling in my stomach.

Secrets and lies. How many other shifters were suffering because they had to hide who they really were? Or worse, didn’t even know the truth about themselves, because there was no one to turn to for guidance? I suddenly felt a wave of nostalgia for Sin, the crazy shifter who’d tried to rescue me on the Frost Moon, and warned me about my cousins. She’d called us freaks and outcasts, dreaming of a place where being different was the norm.

I shivered. So many people in the dark. And all because the truth was fading to dust on a cave wall, or banished under glass in a rare book room.

But would it be any better if they did know? It wasn’t like discovering my parents’ secrets had given me much comfort. The more I uncovered, the harder it was to accept they’d chosen to hide me away, to keep me in the dark. As I studied the faded images of the fallen creatures – the voids, according to their victors – I was reminded this wasn’t just about me. Didn’t my parents have a responsibility to tell the truth simply because so many others were suffering? If anyone could make the wolves listen, wouldn’t it have been my mom, a descendent of the first Skin King? And if anyone could back her claims up with hard evidence, wasn’t it my dad, with his countless notebooks and years of working in the pack lab?

It made me wonder about my cousins, Lucas and Elijah. Had they already been on this journey, and that was why they’d started a refuge? I brushed a finger over the round ears of the fallen panther. Could my cousins be different, too? Or had they just discovered the Skin King’s true legacy and decided they owed something to the lost and the broken? Mr. Wentworth, Theo and even Sin had called them dangerous, but I was learning that until I saw the truth with my own eyes, I couldn’t know anything for certain.

I wanted to meet them. No, I was going to meet them. As soon as Jasper was back on his feet, I was going to find a way to get in touch. And if they’d let me, I’d go visit their refuge. Maybe there were others like me, duds and voids who had grown up in the human world. Maybe I could ask Theo to come, and with his books we could prove that the freaks and outcasts were just a different kind of shifter.

Just as the plan took root in my mind, I felt a sharp tug in my stomach. Urgh. Was it that time of the month again? I didn’t relish the idea of asking Liam to add sanitary products to his next shopping list. But being Clan Luna had to be good for something…

I gasped as the tug came again, twice as strong. For a moment I panicked, remembering the way the Wolf Fire had worked on me at Hunter Moon. It had hit me out of the blue; a low, painful clenching in my belly that I mistook for my period. But this was higher, up under my ribs, and even as I rubbed my breastbone, I felt the jabbing sensation again. Was I having a heart attack? No, not a stabbing pain, but a pulling one, like a hook was lodged deep in my chest.

I had a sudden vision of myself in my panther form, a collar around my neck and a shadowy hand clutching the lead.

I really need to get some sleep.

But even as I tried to take another step towards the tunnel, my body jerked around to face the mouth of the cave. Cold air blasted my face, and I staggered sideways, my feet tangling in my trailing laces. My left shoe came off, and I tried to grab the wall to steady myself, but I was suddenly shuffling forward, my arms snapping tight to my sides.

What the hell?

I tried to turn back, to call out for help, but my spine was rigid, my legs locked tight. Every impulse crushed, except for my ability to leave the cave.

Another wave of cold air washed over me as rock turned to snow under my feet. I was still wearing one shoe, and I stumbled as I searched in vain for Liam’s guards. There was always at least one on rotation, but all I could see was the dark tree-line and the faint glow of the crescent moon behind a bank of cloud. I tried to dig my shoe deeper in the snow, to hamper my progress or to leave some kind of track for the guards to follow, but the pain in my chest gripped tighter. A warning that I couldn’t fight whatever had me in its grasp.

I whimpered as my body was yanked sideways and I hit my hip against something buried under a snowdrift. A picnic table, I realized in a daze, a moment before I saw a gleam of metal between the trees. My panic skyrocketed – it was a definitely a truck - before rough arms encircled me from behind and I was lifted off my feet.

I was slammed against a hard chest, his fingers biting into my unmoving limbs as he plowed through the snow. Everything inside me screamed to kick or buck my way free, but whatever power had dragged me out of the cave still had me in its grasp. I managed to tilt my head enough to see a black mask stretched tight over his head, and my heart stuttered. But the more I tried to struggle, the more my chest ached. I desperately tried to reach for my panther, to drag her out of me the way Trey and Callum had done, but the pain was suddenly so intense, I nearly blacked out. He carried me the last few feet to the truck, dumping me in the front seat without a word, and circling the hood. When he climbed inside, he didn’t even glance my way, just slipped the key in the ignition and reversed back through the trees.

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