Page 75 of Gunpowder

“Fuck the games, fuck chasing our goddamn tails, fuck Isaac. I’ll torch every fucking street in College Point until I smoke him out.”

“Boss, there are innocent people in—”

“Let them burn,” he growled, flattening his palms against the table. “If it’s between our own or some fucking people we don’t even know, then I’m gonna pick our people every time. We tried to play nice and look where the hell that got us.”

Blair didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. Whether any of them agreed with that kind of collateral damage or not, there was no disputing that they had been getting their asses handed to them left and right. Even Reymond, who seemed to be taking just enough time packing his medical bag to remain present for this conversation, didn’t interject, though Blair thought that was less because he agreed with Felix’s plan and more because he knew better than to get in the middle of it. From what he had learned of Reymond and the odd closeness that Blair had started to notice between the two of them, Reymond would try to talk to Felix later but everyone in the room knew speaking against him in front of Incindious was suicide.

“What’s the point?” Julian asked softly.

Apparently, some people in the room didn’t care.

Felix looked up with the fiercest stare Blair had ever seen him direct at one of his friends. “Excuse me?”

“What’s the point of beating Phantom if we become even worse than they are? But I mean if that’s what you want, go ahead. Go be the ruthless, cold blooded monster everyone on the outside thinks you are, just because outgunning Phantom is easier than outsmarting them.”

Felix’s blunt nails scraped the table as his hands clenched. “Jules. You’ve been through a lot. Take a walk.”

Julian looked prepared to say something else but Blair stopped him short with a hand on his elbow. “Come on, let’s get some fresh air.”

He threw Wren an apologetic look for leaving him, but Wren just waved him off and sat down on the couch with his phone. Blair allowed himself a moment of relief as the doors to the bar fell shut behind them; at times like this, he was glad Wren was fearless. Anyone else would probably feel like a piece of meat in a den of wolves if they were an outsider left with Felix, let alone an angry Felix.

“I’m not trying to hurt him,” Julian said as they reached the end of the block.

Blair stopped. “I know. I think he knows, too. He just doesn’t want to hear that right now.”

“They show it differently than us.”

“Huh?”

Julian’s eyes were fixated, unfocused on a sign across the street. “When they’re scared. Felix, Spencer, even your Wren, they don’t show it the same way we do. They don’t let themselves feel it because they’re big, tough morons, so they freak out when you make them face it.

“Felix can’t bury himself again. Last time he refused to deal with something, he was a teenager with so much pent up anger that it ate him alive until he burned a building down with someone inside it and went to prison.”

Blair had been following Julian’s gaze, but hearing that, his head snapped over to look at Julian again. “Someone was inside?”

“Yeah, that’s why he was tried for arson. Felix said he didn’t know but he already had a record by then, so the judge thought he needed to do time.”

Well, that explained the five year sentence. Blair had always thought it to be excessive before. “The boss is angry, he wants revenge for everything Phantom has been doing to us, to you. It’s not just blind rage. One of his best friends is hurting and he wants to make someone pay for that,” Blair said, running the toe of his shoe between two panels of the sidewalk. “He isn’t going to be mad if you sit out the rest of the fight. We all want you to be safe. And it’s like you told me not long ago, you didn’t want the wars and the violence, you just wanted to be with your friends. I’m sure they know that, too.”

“If I’m not there, who’s going to keep Felix from spiraling out of control? Spencer? He’ll only do that for as long as it’s the most tactically sound decision.”

I don’t think anyone can do that now. But he wasn’t going to say that, especially with the tremor evident in Julian’s hands and the way his eyes had misted over. “We’ll figure it out. There’s no such thing as a gang being on the right path but we can at least keep him on a better one.”

“Thank you.” Julian put a hand on Blair’s shoulder. “But I’m not going anywhere. I’ve been with those two idiots longer than I’ve been with the same family my whole life.”

“Well. I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything different.”

Julian smiled. “Come on, let’s get back.”

Most of everyone else had cleared out by the time they returned. Felix was sulking on the couch, leaving Doc and Wren at the bar talking to Spencer. Reymond was leaning across the bar to say something to the blond and Blair didn’t have to see Wren’s face to know he was rolling his eyes at their friendliness.

Blair put his hand on Wren’s back and asked just loud enough for him to hear, “You ready to get out of here?”

“Been ready since I walked in the door,” Wren said, getting to his feet.

Blair said his goodbyes and they walked outside together. The thing he’d ordered online was in his pocket, feeling so much heavier against his leg than it actually was. He rocked nervously on his heels when they got back to where their respective vehicles were parked side by side. “You wanna head back to your place?” Blair asked, trying to sound casual.

“Sure.”

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