Page 1 of Dead End

Halloween Night

The bus rolled to a stop in front of a shifty-looking archway. It was rickety and rusted over, and I could barely read the writing. Beneath it was an old black and blue-striped ticket booth with a bored-looking teenage girl inside. The traveling carnival was small and, in my opinion, not worth the thirty-minute ride to get here on a smelly, squished charter bus full of rowdy basketball players.

But Maddie made me promise I’d come with her since it was Halloween, and Sunset University, where everyone finally started college courses last month but me, was going out for the night. The basketball team coach took out the big guns before the season started and bribed them to bond with a free trip to the carnival. At one time in my life, I’d have been excited, but now this trip just seemed like a chore. She said I needed a little fun in my life, but something told me Maddie’s version of fun did not align with my own right now.

I filed behind her closely, watching her blonde head bob down the aisle of the bus while she bounced on her toes in anticipation. I honestly couldn’t see what the big deal was. We’d gone to carnivals just like this one when we were kids. They came through the state every year around this same time. There was even a huge pumpkin patch and a hayride set up for the children every Halloween.

Back in high school, my mom and dad had never let me go to things like this, so when I snuck out, it was usually with Maddie and the guys I’d known since we were just little kids. One of the guys would drive, and we’d all gorge ourselves on candy, sodas, and weed until we puked our guts out, only to do it all over again the next year.

I stumbled forward when something pushed me from behind, causing me to slam into Maddie. “Oh shit!” she yelped, but then laughed as I mumbled a half assed apology.

She snorted, shaking her head as she righted herself and kept shuffling forward. I turned around, eyes already narrowed at the dirtbag behind me. I didn’t even have to look to know who it was. I knew he was there, looming over me as usual. I could smell his familiar scent, how sad was that? Not cologne, but something like leather and aftershave.

Jason. One of four guys on this planet who I loathed with every fiber of my mortal being.

Our eyes connected, and I had to reel in a flaming blush at the fact that I had to crane my neck so far back to do so. My pale skin couldn’t hide an ounce of the rushing blood to my cheeks. Jason was tall and more than easy on the eyes. It pissed me off. He had mocha brown hair, smokey gray eyes, and a smile with two small dimples on each side. His skin was the color of almonds, and there was not a blemish to be found. I hated him. I hated those dimples. I hated the way those eyes stared at me in such revulsion nowadays, when I could so clearly remember a time when they were dancing with laughter and affection. A mean smirk curled his full lips.

A throat cleared behind me, and I whipped back around. Maddie was standing at the front of the bus, waving me over with a pressing look in her brown eyes. The line was blocked up behind Jason and me, waiting for my stupid ass to get moving. I heard him chuckle, but I turned away in shame and practically sprinted off the bus into freedom.

“Sheesh, what was that?” Maddie asked, looping an arm through mine. We walked towards the ticket booth, following the herd. “The sexual tension coming off you guys is getting thicker by the day.”

I shoved Maddie, grumbling under my breath. She was right, though. But I was almost one hundred percent sure the sexual part of that tension was coming from my side only. The last makeout session with him flashed through my memory without invitation. Jason could barely stand to breathe the same air as me these days, much less touch me.

“I think you’re reading too much into it. I’m the school leper, remember? Nothing’s changed just because we graduated.” I bit the inside of my cheek at how bitter I sounded to my own ears.

Maddie winced, and I felt bad for being snappy with her. But we both knew it was true. After my parents died and I went off the rails, the school and everyone I used to hang out with treated me like I was some sort of walking fungal infection.

“He’s a piece of shit, Toby,” she said with a soft smile. My chest warmed at the nickname she’d given me when we were six years old and met for the first time in the lunchroom. She used to have trouble pronouncing October, but even after she got over the lisp, the name Toby just kind of stuck.

“True.” I shrugged, pretending it didn’t bother me one bit. “Let’s get this over with.”

I tried to let Jason’s heavy stare roll off my shoulders and enjoy the rest of my night. I could feel him watching me, just like he always did. He loved putting me on edge and thrived on making me uncomfortable. I acted like I’d forgotten about the encounter. We only had to tough it out for a few hours before we could go back home. Maddie and I were planning to spend our Halloween in my living room watching horror classics and eating our weight in candy with my two aunties, and I was looking forward to forgetting reality for a while.

She dragged me into the throng of people heading into the carnival. There were bales of hay stacked in piles everywhere, and lit jack-o-lanterns smiled at us wherever we looked. Clowns, mimes, zombies, and Halloween characters dressed in spooky outfits were juggling, telling jokes, and making balloon animals. The music was loud, and the sun was setting soon.

Maddie made a beeline for the cotton candy cart. I shook my head. That girl could pack away food better than any linebacker I’d ever met. As the head cheerleader in high school and for the university team, she didn’t really seem to care about dieting. She honestly had no need for it, given the fact that she weighed one-ten soaking wet.

She offered me some, but I waved it away. The lingering heat of the day was oppressive enough; I didn’t need to add the stickiness of woven sugar to the sweat already beading on my skin. It was Halloween, sure, but for some reason, my phone told me it was nearly eighty degrees outside. A crime against nature, if you ask me. Fall was supposed to be crisp and smell like decaying leaves. This was just a travesty. This year just brought one unwanted surprise after another.

It was sunny out, even as it descended over the horizon, and I’d worn my wide-brimmed floppy black hat to keep it at bay. It matched the black lace dress I’d sewn myself, and I actually felt pretty in it. When I showed up this morning for the bus, my former friends snickered at the ensemble, calling me witchy, spooky, and pale. Sometimes, I wanted to knock their teeth in for being assholes. They were correct, I suppose, but I drew the line at the Twilight jokes. Besides, I knew I looked good. Screw those girls. They could go fuck themselves with a broomstick.

I stood there awkwardly with one earbud in, wishing I was back home in Sunset Hollow, having some spiced cider with the aunties. I wanted to take these heeled boots off, snuggle up in a onesie, and eat my weight in chocolate. But no, I had to pretend to be a normal human today and make my bestie happy. Life was unfair sometimes. Or maybe I was just being pathetic. Yeah, we’d go with that. Maybe Maddie was right. Maybe I needed to get out of my head for a little while.

There was a time not too long ago when I was exactly like the other girls on the squad, who sneered at me as they walked by. I sneered back, but I stuck my tongue out, making them roll their eyes and flip their hair before sauntering off. Fuck, they were bitches. I hated knowing I was once one of them—bottle blonde hair to my butt, skin covered in fake tan, hair and nails done to perfection, and dressed in our high school’s cheerleading uniform.

None of it was me. Never had been, if I were being honest. Something shifted after the accident. Something fundamental, and I’d woken up the first day of summer before senior year feeling like a completely different person. My headspace was no longer filled with parties, plans, and people. I’d spent the whole last year of high school being exactly who I was meant to be.

My hair was now my natural dark orange, bluntly cut a few inches below my collar bones, and I’d let that fake Barbie tan fade away, leaving me ghostly pale. It was cathartic to throw my cheer uniform in the trash and set it on fire, along with all the bright clothing that I never felt right wearing.

I could practically feel my mom rolling in her grave. She hated Halloween when she was alive. In fact, she hated all the fun, spooky, gothic things that I loved. She despised anything considered alternative. Both she and my dad claimed they couldn’t understand my fascination with dark or macabre things and always said I took too much after the aunties. Mom had usually worn pastels and kept her hair blonde instead of the dark orange that ran in our family. Dad had worn suits a lot, and they’d never shown even an ounce of eccentricity.

Sometimes, I really wondered if I was adopted. But I couldn’t have been, given the fact that I was the spitting image of my two aunties and my mom. The orange hair and icy eyes were too alike to question.

The summer after the accident, I stopped answering texts and calls from any of my friends. I stopped going places and doing things. I stopped being social and caring about who slept with whom and trivial social bullshit. It just didn’t mean anything anymore. Gradually, my circle of friends grew smaller and smaller, until no one was left but Maddie. She was the one person who, despite all my changes and weirdness, would never abandon me. I was incredibly grateful for it.

The sound of low laughter broke through my foggy brain haze while I waited for my best friend, and I turned to find a group of guys passing us on our right. My stomach clenched just like it always did when they were around. Maddie waved at them limply while she choked down more cotton candy, heading back towards me, but all four basketball players sneered my way.

“Hey, pumpkin head, where’s your booth?” Michael stepped forward, smiling wickedly down at me. “This is a sideshow, right? You’ll fit right in.” His dark blond hair was combed neatly and shaved tight on the sides, making his sky-blue eyes pop. He was another handsome bastard, but he was an asshole, too.

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