Page 21 of Screw Christmas
“Well, I didn’t this year.”
His face fell for a moment before perking up again, a gleam in his eyes that I knew all too well.
“I’m not going out for more if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“I know where they are.” Rushing around the counter, he practically ran across the living room and into my bedroom.
“Excuse you! Where do you think you’re going?” Leaping from the sofa, I proceeded to chase him into the room, stopping at the doorway, my eyes widening in horror as he pulled open the nightside table drawer.
God, why did he have to go into that drawer? I groaned inwardly, hanging my head knowing what he was about to discover and not able to stop it at this point. All I could do was brace myself for the humiliation. Why didn’t I just throw the damned thing out a long time ago?
Chuckling, he grabbed the dildo inside the drawer and pulled it out spinning to face me with a triumphant grin on his face, the kind of expression you’d expect on an adolescent boy once they discovered the beauty of free porn on the internet.
“Looks like my dear sister—”
“I’m not your sister.” I corrected. Calling me dear sister after what we’d done last night on several surfaces of the house turned my stomach. We may not be biological, but him using that term felt weird.
“Is quite the little sexual deviant,” he finished. “Who needs a man anyhow when you have this next to the bed?” The little flesh-colored dildo wiggled in his hand as he shook it. “And you’re going old school—no batteries—classic babe.”
“Yes, well. How about you just put it back.”
He looked down at it and frowned. “It’s kinda small. Got a little bit of length to it but narrow as hell, it’s like the dildo starter dick. Couldn’t handle a real dick?”
Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms over my chest. “I can handle anything you can throw at me, Dylan.”
“Not sure if that’s an insult or a compliment.”
“Insult. And for your information it’s not a regular dildo it’s a Clone-a-Willie.”
Giving me a funny look, he looked back down at the thing and gave it another wiggle. “What the fuck is a Clone-a-Willie?”
“You and your partner go and buy a mold set; the guy gets a mold of his dick and makes a dildo of it. That’s my ex’s dick.”
“I’m holding your old boyfriend’s dick? Jesus!”
I barely had time to react and duck out of the way as the dildo went flying past my head and out into the living room.
“I’m not sure what is more disturbing, the fact that you’re still getting off on your ex’s cock clone or the fact you’d be satisfied with such a pencil dick.”
“His dick size isn’t the reason why we’re not together. The sex regardless of how good or bad is nothing compared to having a strong bond with your partner.” Turning, I went to living room and retrieved it. “You should know this.”
“Fair enough.” He asked, making himself at home stretched out on my bed, his fingers laced behind his head. “So tell me everything about this dickhead you used to date.”
Damn this was so embarrassing. Tossing the penis back in the drawer, even though it should have gone in the garbage where it really belonged, I pushed the drawer closed with my hip then leaned against the table. “He left me to be with a hooker.”
A wide grin spread across his lips. “A hooker? Like literally or are you calling her that because you think she’s a whore?”
“If you must know… I’m calling her that because she was a hooker. Sort of. They are both cops as well. She used to work with us at the precinct and was undercover for some time pretending to be a prostitute. They’ve since transferred her to keep the controversy to a minimum.”
A loud clap of laughter exploded from him. “Oh damn, that’s hilarious! I really didn’t expect that.”
It wasn’t nearly as funny for me as it was for him. “Neither did I.”
“How did you find out?”
“I had my suspicions. I can’t explain why exactly. He just started getting more distant. He started criticizing everything about me. The way I ate, the way I worked out, he felt I was getting too muscular for a woman. You name it, he’d find something that pissed off or annoyed him about it. I went from being this amazing catch to being shit on at every turn.”
“I would have dumped his ass the moment he started acting like that, you don’t deserve it. You deserve a man who will treat you like a queen. That’s the very least you deserve.”
