Page 9 of Closing the Distance

No one in their families wanted me—not that they had big families to begin with. Since there were no relatives willing to take me in, I was put in foster care and moved from one home to another pretty regularly. Some homes were better than others. Some were living nightmares.

Not a single one ever felt like home. There was no foster parent like you might see in the movies who believed in me. I came with a check, and that was more important than I was.

I wish my memories weren’t filled with those homes. I wish I could remember my adoptive parents more than all the horrible foster parents that came later. I wish I could understand why my birth parents didn’t want me. I don’t know how many times I’ve looked in the mirror, wondering if there’s something I can’t see that tells everyone else that I’m unlovable.

I place my hand back over my stomach as the tears fall silently down my cheeks, and I stare at the picture of the only two people in the world who ever loved me. This may not be how I planned for things to go, but I will love this baby so much. I never want him or her to know what it feels like to be unloved, unwanted, alone.

I lean back against my closet wall and close my eyes, trying to even my breathing as another bout of nausea sweeps through me. It’s always worse this time of day, and I’m glad I took the day off even though it’s often more work having a sub in my classroom than just pushing through and doing it myself. But that’s a problem for Monday.

Today I’m going to accept that my life is changing and it’s not a bad thing. Scary—terrifying—but not bad. I drop my head back against the wall, my hand resting on my belly protectively.

“I love you already,” I whisper, hoping my baby can feel how much I mean those words. “I’ll give you everything I can, okay? We’re a team, you and I.”

Even as the words leave my lips, I know they aren’t the whole truth. There’s one more person who deserves to know. Whether he wants to be involved or not is up to him, but he still deserves to know.

I have to tell Ty, which means going back to the apartment building I snuck out of six weeks ago and hoping he still remembers me.

The building seems more intimidating in the full light of day. The sun was barely starting to light up the sky when I snuck out a month and a half ago, but I’m sure this is the right place. I take a fortifying breath and then walk inside. The security guard/doorman is standing behind a small desk set to the right of the door and politely smiles at me.

“Can I help you, miss?”

“I’m here to speak with Ty. Is he available?”

His smile falls, and his look can only be described as a mix between disappointment and condescension. “He doesn’t have anyone on his list for today. You’ll need to come back another time when you’re on the list, if he wants to see you.”

It’s the way he enunciates the “if” that has my shoulders tightening. “Can you call up and ask him? It’s important that we talk.”

His gaze gets hard. “You need to leave. If you think you’re the first woman who’s come here trying to get something from that young man, you’re mistaken. I know your games, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Now, can you leave on your own, or do I need to forcibly remove you from the premises?”

The burning sensation of tears building behind my eyes is the first sign that his words hit their mark. My heart sinking to my stomach is the second. The third is the emotion which clogs my throat so completely I can’t even work up a reply. Before the tears have a chance to fall, I spin around on my toes and exit the way I entered. I make it half a block away before I duck into an alley just out of sight of passersby so I can get myself under control. The tears fall silently down my cheeks, and I brush them away as quickly as I can, but they’re relentless. I don’t know what to do. We never exchanged numbers. I don’t even know his last name.

I bang my head back against the wall and then close my eyes. I’m going to figure this out. I always do, and this time will be no different.

But I’m not going back there today. My emotions are too all over the place—thanks, hormones—and now that I know what I’m up against, I have a better idea of how I need to proceed next time.

I walk around the block to where I left my car, get in, and then place my hand back on my belly, centering myself and reminding myself that I’m a mom now. I have to be strong, and my baby deserves to know that I did everything in my power to tell their father about his or her existence.

Whether he wants to be involved or not.

SIX

I exit the private penthouse elevator and greet the doorman. “Hey Lewis. How’s your day going?”

He gives me a warm smile, but there’s something in his eyes that has my steps pausing. “It’s going good, Mr. Russell. Thanks for asking.”

“Everything okay?”

His smile dims a bit. “I know you value your privacy, but I thought I should warn you that a young woman tried to get in to see you today.”

Now he has my complete attention. “A woman? Did she give her name? Was it Lexi?”

His eyes widen at my rapid-fire questions. “Uh, she didn’t that I recall.”

My brows furrow. “Did she say why she was here?”

“Just that she needed to speak with you.”

I glance up at the cameras in the lobby and then back to Lewis. “Can you pull up the security footage?” I need to know. If it was Lexi, then maybe I’m not the only one who hasn’t been able to stop thinking about our night together. I can’t imagine it would be anyone else—I haven’t hooked up with anyone since her—but I have to know for sure.

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