Page 59 of Closing the Distance

“Lexi.”

I look up from my position on my knees bent over the toilet.

“You have a record?”

I shake my head. “It was supposed to be expunged when I turned eighteen.”

A storm cloud brews in his eyes, and the saboteur in my head that’s been whispering lies in my ears laughs at me. This moment right here is what I was afraid of. I can practically feel the pull of the carpet as it’s ripped out from under me. Ty isn’t looking at me like the woman he loves.

Maybe it’s loved now. I know better than most how little that word can mean to some men. It’s why I’ve never said it aloud until Ty.

And now I’m thinking that was a mistake. All of this was a mistake.

I push to my feet and brush past him.

“Lexi, we need to talk about this.”

I spin around to face him. “Talk about what? My entire life being splashed all over the media for the entire world to see? Some of my worst mistakes are now out in the open. You think I’m proud that I got banned from a department store at sixteen and sent to juvie for stealing? I never broke a single law after that, but ask me why I broke that one.” Anger fires through my blood because anger feels like a safer emotion than devastation and heartache. Anger is powerful instead of weak.

I need to take some of my power back and remember who I am. I’m not the girl that gets the fairy tale. I’m not the girl who’s lovable. Maybe I got to be her for a minute, but it wasn’t real.

This. This right now is real.

“Ask me,” I demand through clenched teeth, fighting back the tears begging to be set free.

“Why?” he asks, his voice hoarse and some emotion in his eyes I can’t comprehend.

I hold my head high. “Because my foster brother at the time threatened to strangle me to death if I didn’t. Considering he’d already gotten away with burning me with cigarettes several times, it wasn’t a meaningless threat. Want to know where he is now?” I don’t give him time to answer. “In jail for murder. So, while I’m painfully embarrassed that I still can’t step foot in that particular department store, I’d choose my life over that stupid store any day of the week. I did what I had to do to survive. No one was going to look out for me except me.” I point to my chest, anger nearly suffocating me as my heart feels like it’s being ripped to shreds inside me, piece by piece, while Ty just stands there staring at me.

“I survived,” I say, my voice cracking, and I know I’m close to losing it, but I refuse to lose it here. I wouldn’t be in this situation if it weren’t for the man standing in front of me. I wouldn’t be exposed like this, reliving every nightmare of my youth. I could’ve kept it in the box where it deserved to stay hidden.

“Lexi,” he starts, but I cut him off by putting my hand up. He snaps his lips shut and watches me walk to the closet where I throw on some sweats and a maternity T-shirt. I throw some clothes into a duffle bag and walk out to find him sitting on the edge of our—his—bed, staring at his hands in his lap.

He looks up when he hears me, and his eyes instantly shoot down to the bag in my hand. He’s on his feet in a heartbeat. “Where are you going?”

“Anywhere but here,” I mumble, already heading for the door.

“Lexi, wait a minute. It’s not safe out there. The press is probably swarming the place, and if they aren’t yet, they will be soon.”

The pieces of my heart that were still intact begin to crack. He’s not objecting to me leaving, just my safety. Another thought—insecurity—slams into me. Is his worry about me, or about the baby? Was I right at the beginning thinking he was only in this because I was pregnant?

I close my eyes against the pain. My emotions are a mess, and I don’t think I can blame it all on pregnancy hormones this time.

“I can’t stay here.” My voice is devoid of the emotion ripping my insides to shreds. I spent years learning how to never give anything away, and I hate how easily it comes back to me.“I can’t even bear to look at you right now.”

He sucks in a sharp breath, and I can almost hear the pain my words inflict, but I’m hurting too much to take on his hurt too.

“Lexi, I’ll fix this.”

Of what little he’s said this morning, that one sentence might hurt most of all.

I turn around to face him, and I must not be hiding my true devastation as well as I thought because pain fills his eyes. “You can’t. The damage is done, Ty. There is no fixing this.”

My tears are so close to the surface, my nose is starting to run. I need to get out of here where I can fall apart in peace, and I know he won’t let me go if he thinks the baby won’t be safe—I refuse to believe any of his feelings for me anymore. “I’ll go to Blaire’s. I’ll be safe there.”

He takes a step closer, but halts when I throw a sharp look his way. “Lexi, please,” he pleads. For a moment, I wish he could fix it. I wish we could have the happily ever after that he made me believe was possible.

I wish I was anyone else.

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