Page 71 of Matteo

“Yes, because I figured out you wanted me. But I only thought you wanted me. I didn’t dare think you were in love with me. A part of me was wondering if you did everything because of that or… Everything got confusing in my mind. Did you expect something in return?” Her sigh is heavy.

“Unfortunately, the call to Denise made things worse. Aside from bringing me and Layla home with you, you did all the things for her that you were doing for me. It felt like confirmation you just wanted me physically. Like it was only due to us being in the same space. As badly as I wanted you—loved you. I was too afraid it would end badly if you didn’t love me. Then Rafe…”

I shake my head, astonished she couldn’t tell. And not sure I won’t kick Rafe’s ass later because he probably only told her as a way of trying to scare her away or something. “I wondered what happened for you to know. Did he do something stupid like try to pay you off or something?”

Her shrug says it all.

“I’m going to kick his ass.”

A small hand goes to my chest, pressing softly. “No, don’t. If he hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t have figured it out. He only did it because he loves you. I’m not mad at him. I’m very grateful.”

Laying my hand on top of hers, I nod. “I guess I should be glad he outed me. It would have taken a lot more time for me to feel free to admit it to you. When we were in Denver, I came so close to saying something. Until you said something about being relieved we were friends. It felt like you were hinting that you weren’t ready for more.”

Her mouth drops. “Are you serious? That’s what made you pull away? I was babbling because I thought you caught me staring at your ass when you bent over the stroller to pick up Layla.”

Now, my mouth is the one that drops.

The blush goes right up to her ears. “You have an amazing ass. I’ve been kind of unable to stop staring at it every time you bend over.”

I can’t stop laughing.

She shakes her head. “I can’t believe my stupid mouth had us wasting more time. When we came back from Denver, I missed you. It felt like you were beside me…yet not.”

“I was battling hard, baby. You were finally growing stronger, and I thought we could try. I hoped like hell I could do everything right and make you fall for me. There’s that spark, that crazy connection every time we touch. Only there was no guarantee. I was willing to wait for as long as it took for you to be ready. I thought you needed time to heal from your ex.”

Opening her mouth to argue, she sighs and nods. “I think I did need some time to get used to what I felt for you. When Rafe spilled, I was angry at you for not telling me. All I could think was, we’ve wasted so much time. Then I realized it’s only been a month.”

Hearing her say it, I’m as surprised as she is. How could it have only been such a short time when it felt like I was waiting forever to admit my love for her?

“It’s weird how it feels like I’ve always loved you. At the same time, I think if you told me that first week, I would have been too scared by… I don’t know—everything. Thank you for giving me time to let my heart become ready to let you in.”

Her admission pulls my own out of me. “I left oncology because I lost all feeling. Every single one: anger, frustration, sadness, happiness. All of it. I couldn’t do what I did without feeling anything. I was sure it would come back, only it never did. Weeks, then months, went by. In the back of my mind, I knew something was wrong. But I was too worried about what it might mean to search for answers. It was all this gray nothing. Until I looked into your eyes—I swear I felt every emotion I should have felt and didn’t for months in one moment. I knew you were special. I couldn’t let you go.”

“I’m glad. I don’t want you to let us go.”

“No chance,” I promise her.

A small, soft hand runs over my cheek. “I want you, this. I’m just—I don’t know how to do this…with you.”

“Hey, it’s okay. There’s no rush. We have all the time in the world?—”

She presses her lips to mine. I’m stunned and open my mouth to her tongue darting inside. I attempt to deepen the kiss. Except I can’t, all I taste is fear.

I cup her beneath her chin to hold her still. I’m inches from her, our breath mingling. “Talk to me, Amy. We can take this as slow as you need. But if there’s something else, did he rape you?”

Eyes wide. “No, he didn’t rape me…” Realization hits her. “Not like that. I get now he did in the way he would harass me until I gave in. Or several times when I woke up to him trying to—” Her eyes squeeze closed. “I thought because it didn’t really hurt, or he didn’t hold me down.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t want to think of him now. He doesn’t get to take this away from us. I’ll talk to Hillary about it later. I don’t want to take this slow. I’m also not so delicate I’m going to break. The only thing I’m afraid of is being enough for you. I’m bad at this. So bad I had to read books to try to be better and was still bad.”

I stop her words with a press of my lips to hers, then pull back. “He was your first.”

Shyly, she nods.

Working to contain my rage at the bastard, the shimmering concern in her eyes pulls me out of it. She’s right. He doesn’t get to take this moment away from us.

Focusing on her, I shake my head. “It’s all his fault. It was another way of keeping you under his thumb. Of making you afraid to try with another man. Another way to trap you with him and keep you from searching out pleasure. When you deserve all the pleasure in the world.”

Her smile is cock-achingly sexy. “Right now, the only pleasure I want is you.”

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