Page 67 of Matteo

Amy

Although I hate that Matteo had to work today, I’m excited by the surprise I have for him. The steaming braised beef soup noodle smells amazing. My order is for dumplings. I was worried the soup looked too similar to ramen to order my own bowl since I don’t like ramen. I’m regretting it.

I set the bags on the table while I wait for Matteo to finish with a patient.

“Beef soup noodle, my favorite. Thank you.”

Shaking my head, I laugh. “How did you know what it is? I kept messing up and calling it noodle soup. The lady was annoyed at me.”

“Because this place was in my top three of delivery.”

“I still feel bad you never told me you like this. I liked the place we tried in Denver. I’m willing to try new places.”

He shakes his head. “I keep telling you, it’s not a big deal. I’m really not a picky eater.”

Layla exclaims. “Dada. Dada up.”

We both go still, and our eyes meet. “Where the heck did she learn that?”

I’m as shocked as he is. “I have no idea.”

“Oh, my goodness. You’re getting so big. That’s my girl. You’re so smart. Up? Okay. I’ll pick you up.” Matteo is smiling almost as big as she is. She’s kicking her feet at his praise.

Her arms go around his neck, and she hugs him tight. “I’m sorry. I missed you this morning, too. You slept too late for me. I was going to be late for work.”

Sinking onto the couch beside me, he grins. “Now that the tests came back saying she’s healthy, I’m relieved. I guess she just takes after her mama and is going to be on the small side.”

I roll my eyes. It’s on the tip of my tongue to say I’m far from small because of my weight. Except as I see how happy she is in Matteo’s arms, it dies. I don’t want Layla growing up hearing me say stuff like it. And I don’t want her thinking it about herself.

I’m trying to coax her out of Matteo’s lap with bites of dumpling so he can eat, but she’s not having it. “Your dada is trying to eat his soup. Come on, I’ll give you a whole dumpling all to yourself, and you can use your two new teeth on it.”

Her eyes are wide at the offer of a dumpling, but she shakes her head and leans back against Matteo.

“It’s okay.” He assures me. “I got a bite. It’s enough for now. Hand over some of those beef rice dumplings.”

I offer him the container. “I mean, we do say we’re picking her up. But I didn’t think we said it that often.”

He chuckles. “More than enough for her to learn the word, obviously. I’ll ensure the nanny has experience working with toddler teaching.”

“What do you mean, a nanny? I can take care of her.”

His sigh annoys the fuck out of me. “Layla is a sweetheart. She’s also demanding. You need time for yourself to do your art. Then there’s my mom watching her on Wednesday for your therapy appointment?—”

“If it’s bothering Elizabeth, then I won’t go. I don’t need a nanny. I’m fine. I don’t care if I don’t have time to do my art.”

“I do. She would, too, if she knew the choice was between having another person who would be under her spell and her mom being happy and fulfilled. Ever since you’ve spent time working on your art, you are much happier. You’re smiling all the time. And you finally lost that line in your forehead I thought was permanent. It doesn’t have to be a full-time nanny. Just twenty to twenty-five hours a week.” Matteo doesn’t raise his voice, yet even Layla picks up on the steel in it.

Her eyes swing between Matteo and me. She’s concerned, and I hate it because it feels like it’s been forever since I saw it.

Unable to hold his eyes, afraid he’ll see the truth, I study Layla. While I loved spending time in my studio, and I felt inspired after our trip to Denver—it’s not why I’m so happy. Only I can’t tell him that he’s the reason I’m happy and smiling.

I’m too afraid if I do I’ll break down and tell him that I love him. It will ruin everything.

I hoped maybe I was being too sensitive about last Sunday when I talked to Hope on Monday, yet as the week has gone on it’s only gotten worse. He smiled, only it never reached his eyes unless he was looking at Layla.

I’m so pathetic I’m counting down the hours until tomorrow. Hoping for something—anything from him.

“Hey, it’s okay. If it’s going to upset you, we can shelve this for later.”

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