Page 39 of Matteo

I’m once again overwhelmed by all the new pretty dresses, rompers, and the two-piece sets of long tops with pants and some with shorts. There’s no way she could wear all these clothes before she grows out of them. She reaches for a bright red dress.

As I dress her, she’s all smiles clutching at it across her tummy. It hits me, as young as she is—she loved the pretty dress. I blink back tears. She was aware of the differences between her old clothes and her new ones. New clothes I would never have bought. Even if I had the money, because I thought she wasn’t aware.

I’m forever grateful to Matteo for these new, prettier things. It’s because of Matteo and Bitsy that she’s wearing a smile and loving her red dress.

Her eyes are wide, her breath catches, and she loses her smile. Oh crap, I wipe my tears and force a smile to reassure her. I worked hard to never cry in front of her—when I had control over it. The last thing I want is for her to see me crying. Especially when I left the reason for tears in Waco.

“Wanna go help me eat breakfast with Matteo?” I ask her with a wide smile. Does she laugh and nod because it’s a baby response, or is it because I said Matteo? I’m almost positive her eyes lit up when I said Matteo.

Matteo is at the table where a plate of eggs Benedict and a glass of orange juice are waiting.

“It looks good.” I let go of Layla as she reaches for him. He laughs at how excited she gets when she sees him.

“It is. This is the only place I order it from.”

He cuts a strip of his waffle off and gives it to Layla. While she’s munching on it, he gets her back into her highchair and strapped in again. She likes it—a lot. His pour of syrup over a fried chicken breast atop a large waffle is light.

Crap. “You’re eating lunch, and this is my breakfast.”

Shaking his head. “We just did this. It’s not a big deal. I wanted you to sleep. How are you feeling, by the way?”

I give up on arguing with him. “Better, actually. I don’t feel tired, the way I have the last few days. Oh my god, this is good.”

He chuckles. “I told you.”

We eat in silence, broken only by Layla’s babbling requests for more waffle. I think she eats almost half of it.

“How do you feel about Nancy coming Thursday to help you with Layla? She’s an excellent nanny. My sister-in-law loves her.” He sees my hesitation. “If you would prefer, I can stay home again. She doesn’t have to come. That’s why I’m asking now. To let her know or have the clinic schedule me off.”

Guilt hits me. “I don’t need anyone. I’ll be fine. I can take care of Layla by myself.”

“No, I’m not comfortable leaving you home alone all day with Layla. I don’t trust you will rest with her. You’ll try cleaning and doing too much and set your recovery back.” He’s shaking his head. “I’ll call in?—”

“Okay, okay.” I hate how well he knows me. “She can come. I’ll behave.” I sigh.

His sigh is slow. “It’s not about getting you to behave.”

I nod. “I get it. I do.”

“If you get it, do you also get I want you to speak to my therapist for you and not for any other reason?”

Matteo

Chocolate eyes go wide with hurt. “I don’t need?—”

“Really? Because I do. I have in the past when I first started in pediatric oncology due to it seriously fucking with my head. And I continued for more than four years until my therapist moved to another city. I’m going again, and I haven’t gone through half of what you have.” Her beautiful face softens. “Do you think less of me for seeing a therapist?”

She’s quick to shake her head.

“You can be honest.” I invite her. “I want you to be honest.”

Layla, sensitive to her mother’s upset, is swinging her eyes between me and her mom. I put another small bite of waffle on her tray, and she gobbles it up.

Amy’s head goes down, unable to hold my eyes.

“It’s no different from a physical ailment. Take, for instance, a broken leg. Could you get by without a doctor? Maybe. However, nine times out of ten, it won’t heal correctly without a doctor resetting it. You’ll likely walk with a limp for the rest of your life. It can be painful to go through, but there’s going to be pain you’re carrying that will hurt new relationships and yourself. I’m not saying you have to have therapy to heal from what happened to you. I do think it would help you be the best version of yourself.”

She fidgets with her fork. “What, no using Layla against me?”

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