Page 91 of The Desire

“You hit a woman?” Flynn is trying to process what I just said.

“And that’s the part that I struggled the most with in the beginning. It goes against every bone in my body, but Cherie made me see that it’s not done in a form of violence toward her, and that I don’t want to hurt her in any way. She uses her body as a tool to help people, and it’s her choice. She wears body padding now, but in the beginning she didn’t, and it fucked with me, but I couldn’t stop going back for how great I felt after the sessions. And I can assure you the only one with bruises at the end of the session is me. I’ve never won against her, even after all these years.”

The room is silent for a few moments until Nic finally speaks up, and I’ve never been more thankful for that man as I am right now.

“We all do what we have to in life to get through. I know you, Rem, and I trust you would never hurt a woman… ever. It’s not our place to judge you or your life choices. I don’t give a shit what you are doing, and to me, that’s a better outlet than turning to drugs or alcohol.”

“Thanks,” is all I can say, and I’m struggling to even look at the other two, but I know I need to own this. Turning back to them, I try to pull my shoulders back and appear strong, but it proves harder than I thought.

“I don’t get it, but I kind of want to meet her. Anyone who can beat the warrior man here, the one that protects us, must be some kickass woman.” I knew it. Flynn can’t help himself, and women in general fascinate him. But he has no idea what he is walking into, meeting Cherie. She’s nothing like the little London socialite women he seems to collect along the way. She would eat them for breakfast.

Deciding that I’m not going to tell him that tonight he will get his wish, I need to get the next secret out before I lose my courage.

“There is something else, and I’m not sure you will take it as easily, but this one I don’t care what you think, say, or want to do about it. It’s the only thing I would ever say is important enough to me that I will walk away from this job and all of you if it becomes a problem between us. I didn’t truly understand that until just now, but to be the best man to protect you, I need to put myself first which will make me a stronger person to be there for all of you.”

“Fuck, what is going on!” Forrest is now getting concerned. “We have each other’s backs no matter what, and you know that, so what the hell have you done?”

I take a deep breath and slowly breathe it out. “Elouise and I have been together ever since Scotland, and although there has been some drama between us the last few days, I intend to marry this woman one day soon if she’ll have me. Flynn, I didn’t ask for this to happen, and I’m sorry. I know you like her, but I couldn’t stop it. She’s mine, and I knew it the moment she asked me to kiss her in Rome. I would never step in front of you, but she has been clear from the beginning she isn’t interested in you.”

“Bastard!” Flynn jumps out of his seat and moves toward me.

“Hit me. I deserve it,” I demand, standing and not moving away. I keep my arms lowered and wait for a fist to connect. Flynn’s arm is up and moving, but from the corner of my eye, I see Forrest is moving from his seat and grabs Flynn’s arm.

Wrapping him up, he holds him back. “You hit him, so help me God, I will end you, little brother.” Forrest’s deep voice fills the room with the force he intends Flynn to understand. A voice I have never heard from Forrest. “She doesn’t want you, she never did. Back off, dickhead.”

“Me, why the fuck do I have to back off? He’s been fucking Lou behind my back this whole time and didn’t say a word. That’s a dog act. And she’s not the innocent woman I thought she was either. You don’t treat a friend like that. What, I suppose you both laughed at me every time I openly flirted with her? Wow, way to make me look like an idiot!” Flynn struggles out of Forrest’s hold and shakes himself, trying to tame his temper. Running his hands through his hair, he walks away toward the window, which is probably safer for both of us.

“Watch your mouth. You can say what you like about me, but don’t you dare disrespect El. She doesn’t deserve it.” He knows full well I will take him if he ever says a bad word about her.

“El, oh how fucking cute!” he huffs, and this time I’m moving toward him. This time it’s me that Forrest steps in front of, placing his hand on my chest.

“Enough!” Nic’s loud stern voice bellows through the room. “Sit the fuck down and listen.” He glares at both of us like he won’t take no for an answer.

Knocking Forrest’s hand off my chest, I step backward and sit in my chair but don’t get comfortable. I’m on the edge of it, ready for the next time Flynn wants to take me on. There is no holding back now. I meant what I said.

For the first time in my life, I will fight for a relationship and the woman I love. There are no ifs, and, or buts.

We are like two bulldogs on the opposite side of a fence, knowing we can’t move but growling and snarling at each other.

“This is exactly why Rem didn’t tell you, because he knew it would hurt you.” Nic looks at Flynn, making sure he has his full attention. “One day, Flynn, you will understand he had no choice on being with Lou. When she’s the one, nothing can stand between you, nothing! Not even a best friend. Now suck it up because it’s not changing, and I’m not losing any of you.” Before Flynn could open his mouth to reply, Nic has already turned to face me and starts again. When Nic speaks like this, you all shut up and listen.

“And you,” he says, pointing his finger at me. “Like I told you, fucking messy. Don’t keep fucking secrets from us. We might not like what you have to say, but the sooner we know, the sooner we get past it and move forward. That goes for you two as well,” he adds, glaring at Flynn and Forrest. “I didn’t choose my friends at random. I trust the three of you with my life, hell, with Victoria’s life, and I don’t do that easily. We are one unit, and nothing like this is going to change that. So, work it out now and bury it. If that means you two need some gloves and a boxing ring, then find it now. Beat the shit out of each other, get up, kiss and make up, and then get the fuck over it. We don’t have time for stupid shit right now. And if nothing tells you more how much Rem thinks of you, Flynn, the morning after we were all graced with your ass all over our news feed, Rem and Lou had a pretty big argument. He should have been home sorting that out with his woman, but instead, he has been here working, trying to fix this for you. His friend. The one whose back he always said he would have, and he has every single time. If their relationship doesn’t survive now, just know that is because he put you before himself.”

“Didn’t have to,” Flynn mumbles under his breath.

“No, he didn’t, but he did it anyway.” No one is speaking now, and Nic’s words are sinking in with all of us.

“If I fuck this up, that’s on me. Just like this, I let secrets come between us. I should have trusted her with my fears, but instead, it has led her to lose her trust in me. And that feels like a knife slicing open my heart, so damn painful. Take it from me, there will be no more secrets with anyone. This is who I am, laying it all out, even when it’s hard to do.” The aggression that was raging through my body is subsiding slightly, and I just hope they can forgive and accept the real me.

Again, the silence is deafening, and I just want to run from the room, but that’s not what I’ve chosen to do. I’m standing up and owning every part of my life.

Flynn huffs. “The last thing I will say on this matter is that if she wasn’t going to be with me, then at least she’s with someone I trust to take care of her. So, whatever the hell you’ve done, fix it, asshole. Seriously! Because if you let her go, then I will knock you out like you will deserve.” He almost growls his words at me.

“Understood… and I just want you to know we both tried so hard to resist this. But that’s a story for another day.” I’m almost pleading with him to forgive me. I know when the dust settles on all this, and it will, that Flynn will find El’s list of demands funny. It just might take a while.

A few more words from Nic and he tells both Forrest and me to leave, and I don’t hesitate to get out as quickly as I can. Forrest is right behind me. And all I can think of is that El is going to kill me for telling the boys without her knowing. Another battle to fight when we speak.

Walking down the corridor, I can tell Forrest wants to say something, but he just doesn’t know if he should. Not hesitating, I walk into his office in front of him, waiting for him to pass me and then closing the door.

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