Page 83 of The Desire

But with all that, I still didn’t deserve the cold shoulder I got this morning. Then for him to leave me standing there, obviously upset, to go to another woman for whatever reason, and have the hide to tell me that’s what he was doing, has me feeling like I want to vomit.

I rest my head against the window, feeling so lost.

This is the time where you run to a friend to vent about the man in your life, and she either tells you that you are being dramatic, or you both devise a plan to make him pay for being a dick. But that’s my problem. I have done this to myself by keeping the whole relationship a secret from my best friend.

Walking into the house feels cold and different. Like all of a sudden, I don’t belong here. That I have been living a life that wasn’t really mine to live. If Rem and I were truly meant to be together then this wouldn’t be so hard. We would have been able to date and spend time with friends, feeling their support of us becoming something. Maybe it’s a sign from the universe that this isn’t meant to be. That I don’t belong in this world of wealth and high-powered people. The simple life of a teacher in a suburban school, living in my tiny home, is sounding more appealing every minute.

I really should be doing some housework, which always annoys Rem because he pays people to clean for him, but it makes me feel useful when I am home on my own. But instead, I’m just sitting in the chair out in the sunroom. This is one of my favorite rooms in the house, well, besides the bedroom, but that’s not for the décor, I can assure you. There are big comfortable couches that are a dark rust color. The cushions are ones that your body sinks into, and every couch has a throw over the back of it. The glass along the back wall of the house lets the light in, and you almost feel like you are sitting outside in the garden but with the comfort and warmth of inside. The room is full of potted plants and even a couple I have planted with Blaise whose eyes lit up at getting his hands dirty. He has left a life on the land and been placed in the middle of a city, full of big buildings, traffic, and millions of people. I know it’s important to keep him connected to the land whenever we can. Nic and Tori’s farm is great for that, and I could see in the look that Rem had last time we were there that he is thinking about a farm of his own down the track.

But knowing him and his adrenaline-junkie world, it would probably be full of dirt bike racetracks, obstacle courses, and other dangerous things he could find. A place that both he and Blaise would love and I would be freaking out like crazy that one of them would get hurt as soon as they step out the back door of the house.

I stop the dream from going any further in my head because I don’t know if I would even be there. I desperately want to be, but it’s still such an unknown.

For all my fears, and the things I don’t know about Rem yet, there is one thing that has become abundantly clear to me last night. I love this man, and I don’t want to lose him. I’ve felt such a connection from that first night but was dismissing it because I knew nothing could come of it. Yet life has a funny way of playing the game, and now I’m snuggled down into a couch in his home, wrapped in his blanket that smells like him, fearing that even though I managed to have him as mine, it’s about to be ripped away from me.

I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here feeling sorry for myself when my phone starts buzzing next to me. Snatching it so quick from on the couch beside me, I almost drop it on the floor but catch it last minute and swipe the screen before it stops ringing, even though I can’t see who it is with my fumbling. I’m desperately hoping it’s Rem, but the voice that comes through the speaker isn’t him, and although I wouldn’t have called her, hearing Tori on the other end of this call is a comforting relief from going insane inside my head.

“Lou, just checking in. How you are today?” She sounds less chirpy than usual, but that’s to be expected.

“Hi, hun, yeah, fine.” I’m not, but I can’t say that.

“Great, then you are one less person I need to be worrying about. I’m trying to hold down the fort in here today, and three out of four of the guys are missing in action from the office. I mean, I get it. Nic is trying to focus and is working from home. Flynn, well, nobody expects to see him for a few days, and Rem is probably out doing some ninja shit tracking down the scum who has put us all in this position.” I can hear the worry in her voice for the men who have all become her family. “At least Forrest is here, and between the two of us we are handling the media shit storm as best as we can with the PR team. One thing my fiancée does well is hire staff who are awesome at their jobs. Rohan, our head of PR, has been amazing and worth every bit of whatever he is being paid. Hell, he deserves a bonus after this one. The way he is spinning this has Flynn sounding like a saint in the public eye, and you and I both know he is more like the devil in disguise when it comes to women.”

“Speaking of Flynn, how is he? Have you spoken to him?” My heart really feels for him. Nobody wants their naked body or private business shared with anyone, let alone the whole world.

“No, Nic told me to leave him alone, because apparently, I can be annoying and never know when to shut up. Can you believe that? How fucking rude, even if he has a point.”

Even as shitty as I feel, I can’t help giggling at that comment. It’s so spot-on, but it’s why we all love her.

“Yeah, yeah, you are both so funny… not!” Tori stops to let me get my laughing under control. “Anyway, I haven’t, but Nic has seen him and is keeping an eye on him. He’s tough, he’ll bounce back and probably come out of this lapping up his newfound popularity, you know what he’s like.”

“He might be strong, but this a pretty big thing, and it’s not going away anytime soon.” Thinking of how I would feel if it was me, I doubt I would ever leave my home again.

“True, but you don’t get this far in such a high-profile role without growing tough skin. He’ll shake it off, I guarantee it.”

And that’s the part of this life I don’t think I would ever manage to accept. Once you become so successful, then you become public property whether you like it or not. Tori has taken to it like a fish to water, but she already had the strong character before she met Nic. He just helped her to gain the confidence to use it.

Me, on the other hand, I’m nothing like Tori. Where she springs out of the box throwing her hands in the air and cheering to anyone who will listen, I’d be the opposite and slowly peeking my head over the top of the box, making sure no one is looking, then I’d stand up, climb straight over the edge of the box, and get to the side of the room and just blend in with all the other people, hoping like hell nobody noticed me.

“You’re probably right. Is there anything I can do to help?” I know the answer will be no, but it’s what you do, you offer anyway.

“The guys have this under control as much as they can, so no, but what you can do for me is give me a distraction. We need to sort out what you are wearing to the event on Friday. We only have three days, and you need to be looking super sexy so we can lure this guy in.”

Without restraint, I groan loudly into the phone. “Tori. This is a really, really bad idea.”

“Oh, shut up, this is the best idea I’ve had in ages. Plus, it’s a safe space, you know, with all of us there. If you think he’s a dickhead or boring as hell, you can just give me the sign and I’ll have a fake girl moment, and we can leave him with the guys to deal with.”

“The last thing the guys need right now is dealing with my stupid fake date.” I squeeze my eyes shut, knowing I just said the wrong thing. I haven’t had enough sleep to be talking to Tori with a filter on.

“Bitch, there’s nothing fake about this date. He’s smoldering hot, and you are perfectly single and ready to mingle. It’s a perfect scenario. Now stop pretending you aren’t ready to find love. I can tell you it’s the best place to be, and I won’t give up until you are as happy as I am. That’s what best friends do, we have each other’s backs.”

How the hell do I get out of this? I’m just going to have to play along and then pull the sick card on the night of and stay locked in my bedroom at home because I’m stuck pretending to be running to the toilet.

“I know I’ve said this millions of times over the years, but why do I let you talk me into these stupid things?”

“Yay! I knew you would see it my way. And I believe the answer is that I bully you into doing things that then turn out to be spectacular. So tomorrow, when Blaise goes back to preschool, I’ll meet you in town and we will get a dress and shoes. Oh, and some racy lingerie. Yes!” I can hear her clapping her hand down on the table with excitement.

“No. Stop right there. A dress and that’s it. I won’t be needing anything like that. It’s a dinner and that’s it.”

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