Page 63 of The Desire

“Third time’s the charm, they say.” My forearm comes down on the top of hers, because I don’t want to place my dirty hands on her. It causes her hand to be flattened onto my abs and pulls her toward me. As she falls against my body, I whisper in her ear, “Were you remembering what my skin feels like while you were eye-fucking me a moment ago?”

The way her breath hitches is the best noise I’ve heard all day. But I’m not stopping at that. “Because I remember every inch of yours, the seductive feel, the tantalizing smell, and the taste I can’t ever forget on my tongue.” Her breathing is loud and rapid. But I know I have to pull back and leave her in that state of breathlessness, just thinking about what she is missing out on. Because there is no way that I’m letting her even find space in that beautiful brain of hers to think about another man when she is still fantasizing about me.

I slide my lips to her cheek and kiss her softly. “Thanks for being my nurse.” Then I release her hand and step away from her.

Oh yes, she looks just how I like to see her. Flushed and in the place where she can’t think rationally. It will only last a few moments, but I’ll take every little bit I can get.

Time to give her a bit of her own medicine.

“Now, you sit and don’t move.” I manage to guide her into the nearby chair without actually touching her with my filthy hands. “I’m just going to wash my hands and grab a clean shirt.”

Her mouth opens but nothing comes out. She’s forgotten she was angry at me, so my job is done.

Knowing I don’t have long and that she will be moving from that seat within minutes, I race into my room and drag my toiletries out of my bag, finding my soap and not just washing but scrubbing my hands within an inch of their lives to remove every germ that’s on there. I don’t want to touch Elouise unless I’m clean, and the way things are going, it’ll be a miracle if I can manage to keep my hands to myself while we’re here.

Pulling another long-sleeve shirt from my bag as I’m racing back out of the room, I can hear her talking to herself downstairs.

Slowing at the top of the stairs before she can hear or see me, I can’t quite hear what she is mumbling. One thing I learned very early on when I went into security is how to walk so quietly that no one knows you’re there. Stealthily moving down a few steps, her words become clearer.

“It’s all Tori’s fault. Should’ve stayed home. Four days with that dirty-talking, muscly sex on a stick without crumbling. Stick to the stupid rules. Fuck, why do I always have to be the good girl? Why can’t I be the slutty nanny who jumps into bed with the boss at her first opportunity? It’d be easier if I wasn’t always trying to do the right thing for everyone else but me. No one knows how bad I want him. Can’t tell Tori, no one to talk to, no one to tell me I’m crazy and to stay away from him. It’s not right. Blaise needs him, he needs his friends and his job. Flynn and Nic would kill him. Tori caught in the middle, and I’d be left on the outside on my own because I made everyone choose. And deep down, I know no one would choose me.” Her voice cracks a little, and my heart breaks for the position I have put her in and how little she thinks of herself because of me.

I just want to walk in there and take her into my arms and tell her that I will choose her every damn time.

Fuck, doesn’t she understand I’ve already chosen her?

Since that first night, I haven’t slept with another woman. No one has even come close. The guys don’t know that and neither does Elouise, but I haven’t been able to shake that ache she left me with that night in Rome.

She’s right, I am an asshole! For making her feel like that. I need to fix this.

Stomping down the stairs with footsteps loud enough to wake the dead so she knows I’m coming, I walk into the room, and she’s looking out the window with her back to me. I can tell she’s wiping a few stray tears that have escaped as she was beating herself up about our insane connection that is getting stronger the longer we’re together. Not rushing her, I stay where I am and just change the subject to random conversation.

“I haven’t had time to really walk all the property, but I think the gardens look like they are more tastefully done than the décor in here.” Her hand drops back down to her side which is a good sign. “I mean, it doesn’t look like someone threw a bucket of seeds in the wind and let anything grow where it fell, like the randomness they have done with the amount of color in this castle.” I watch her shoulders bounce a little, and by the tiny laugh that comes from her, I know we are in a safe territory… for now.

“You really hate the decorating here, don’t you?” Turning and facing me, I can see she is smiling, and that is what I was aiming for.

“There is nothing good about it. Come on, you have to agree. I mean, the only bit of class and style in decoration is the room downstairs, and that’s just weird.” Shit, I had forgotten the reason I even messaged her to come back. If anything is going to take her mind off us, then it will be this.

“What room?” Her confusion is apparent as she starts to walk back across the room toward me. “Is that why you messaged me, or was that a bullshit message because you didn’t want to panic me?”

“Me, worry about you? Not a chance.” I laugh when she tilts her head to the side like I’m speaking another language.

“So, what’s with this room that is so different?”

“Yeah, different is probably a good word to use. Come with me and I’ll show you.” I hold out my hand to take hers as if I am showing her the way, but the truth is that I just want to center both of us. And it’s the only thing I can think of without overstepping the line I should never have crossed today.

It’s a funny thing I have with El, where silence is okay between us. There’s no need to fill the air around us with mindless chatter as we make our way through the castle and down into the dungeon. Her hand in mine starts to squeeze a little tighter as we descend into the darkness, so I give her a little squeeze back, letting her know that she is safe with me.

Stopping just before the open door, I shine the flashlight at the ceiling, so we have dim light to be able to see each other.

“You know that movie where he stands outside the locked door and says, ‘I want to show you my playroom’? Well, it’s not mine, but check out this playroom.” I laugh at the surprise on her face.

“Holy shit, Rem, are you serious? I know they had sex rooms back hundreds of years ago too, but I can’t believe it’s still here after all this time.” And I don’t know why but part of me loves the naivety of Elouise sometimes and the intrigue at her hidden knowledge of random things. She is a reader, and I’m sure she takes in every word she devours on the page.

“Yes, but this is not from back then. Turns out this castle was owned by a couple of old kinky lovers. Just don’t touch the door, it bites, so I learnt earlier.” I look to where the scratch on my arm is, and it registers with her what I mean.

“Can I say I’m glad it was just the door that bit you in the room?” Her little giggle has me laughing too.

“You and me both. Shall we?” Walking through the door, I pull her behind me.

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