Page 49 of The Desire

His deep sigh tells me that he realizes it too. “I know, but we have to work out how to ignore it.” The slight laugh tells me that he isn’t sure it’s possible, and neither am I, but we have to try.

The laugh is enough to break the seriousness of my emotions, and I sit up so I’m still close but not nuzzled into him like a girlfriend would be, and I’m far from that.

“I know it isn’t fair, but I think we both agree there are too many reasons why we can’t be together.” Starting the conversation is what I do, it seems to be a pattern with us both.

“Agreed, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want you…” He runs his hand through his curls that are now damp from exertion. “Ughhh, this is so fucked.”

“Really, you use that word to describe this thing between us.” I can’t help but start to giggle, even when we are trying to be serious.

“You’re the one with the dirty mind, young lady. If I was describing what we just did, I would have used a lot more adjectives, I can assure you.” The hand that was in his hair drops and rests on my thigh.

“Like what?” I can’t help but wonder.

“Amazing, spine-tingling, breathtaking, hot as fuck, I know the perfect one… orgasmic!” To which we both start laughing, but deep in my bones, I feel a sense of peace that it’s not just me feeling that this could be much more that a quick fuck to relieve some of the sexual tension between us. There is something real beneath the surface.

“Okay, moving on and back to the real world.” Looking at him, I can see determination in him.

“Don’t you ever doubt how real that was, El… I mean it.”

My hand moves involuntarily to his cheek, and my thumb traces across his lips that are a part of his body I wish I could get more of. “I know, I truly do.” I finally drop my hand to take away the temptation to start something again.

“There are just too many roadblocks.” We both nod in agreement with his words.

“Flynn.” The word comes from both of us simultaneously.

“He would kill me,” Rem says with a smirk on his face, knowing too well that he could beat him in a fight any day of the week. Something I would never want to happen, especially because of me.

“Tori would kill me for breaking up the wolf pack, and I couldn’t bear losing Tori either.” I exhale with exasperation.

“Wolf pack, hey?” He’s looking at me with his head tilted.

“Yeah, can’t you see it? Nic is the alpha wolf, the leader or boss of the pack. Flynn and Forrest are the middle pack, the advisor’s beta/deltas depending on the situation, and you are the omega of the pack.”

“What the hell is the omega wolf?” Rem asks, intrigued by all the names.

“The one in the group who is always on the lookout for danger, the protector of the pack.” Which is Rem all over. Without the others knowing sometimes how much he is circling them and putting his own life aside to make sure they are safe in theirs.

“Makes sense, but in this house, know that I’m the alpha, beta, delta, and omega wolf, and no other man will ever step into any of those roles where Blaise and you are concerned, El.” There is almost a growl in his voice when he is referring to me.

I want to believe it, but I know I don’t have the right to hold that place with him. I can’t say that right now though, so instead I throw up a left-field question that I know will make him laugh. “Where do you think Tori fits into the pack?” I smile at the thought of it.

“Is there an alpha woman who has the alpha male’s balls in her hands and who runs the whole pack, with the rest of them all bowing down to her and just saying yes ma’am? Because I feel like that is the truth of this group, not that I would ever say that out loud, and never to Tori or Nic.”

“I think you might be right there. And it would be safer if you kept those comments to yourself, for sure.”

Even though we are breaking the tension, he still leans down and kisses me on the top of the head.

“There is so much knowledge in that beautiful head of yours, isn’t there.” Rem watches my reaction.

“Pfft, yes, but it’s all useless.” The reality is that the knowledge comes from liking to read about social behavior, and that reading feeds my yearning to study psychology. So many of the traits in children fascinate me, where they came from, is it environmental or hereditary. I just wish I could read Rem a little better and know what makes him the way he is.

“Don’t do that, put yourself down. I’ve heard you do it before, and I don’t like it. You are an amazingly talented and beautiful woman. It’s about time you start believing it. Is there a man I need to teach a lesson to, that makes you be so down on yourself?” This man’s loyalty knows no bounds.

“Steady on, Rambo, unless you want to go back in time and find a group of twelve-year-old girls who made me feel worthless then I wouldn’t be too worried.” I shock myself with the memories that are flooding into me that I must have buried a long time ago. I haven’t thought about that stage in my life for a very long time, and obviously how harming it was on my self-confidence. God, that’s not something I want to talk about now.

“Let me fire up the time machine I keep through that secret door over there.” He points to the closet door that I’m sure has nothing behind it except files and random crap like most office cupboards do.

“Let’s go.” I pretend to stand up, only to have his strong arms pulling me back to exactly where he wants me and a place I’m loving being right now.

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