Page 36 of The Desire

“Don’t you dare speak to me in that tone. I’m not your punching bag when you are stressed. Now here is your first father duty. Get your keys, you are taking us shopping. To a normal store that sells clothes that will make your son comfortable to be able to play like a regular little boy.” She glares at me, hands on her hips.

I may as well be fucking her because she is annoying enough to be my girlfriend. Another reason why I choose not to be in a relationship, if this is what living with a woman is like.

“Watch it, Elouise, today is not the day to pick a battle. As I said, I don’t shop for clothes.” I’m waiting for her to back down, but she is only getting more fire in her eyes. It should piss me off, but instead, it’s only fueling the fire in me. This is not ideal.

“Oh, it’s not a battle, it’s more of an order, isn’t it. You pay me money, so it gives you the right to order me around, apparently. Well, I have news for you. Paying me doesn’t absolve you from your duties as a father. This little boy is scared. He might not be showing it, but who do you think he would rather be in a change room with to try on clothes… Yes, I can see it finally registering in that stupid male brain of yours. He looks up to you, Rem, give the kid a break and at least spend a few days with him before you go back to work.”

I want to tell her to get fucked, but part of me knows she’s right, and I hate that.

“Are you done?” I can’t turn off the hate dripping in my words.

“Are you taking us shopping?” I had no idea that Elouise had this much confidence buried deep down in her.

“Fine, give me ten minutes.” I pull my chair back from behind me and drop into it, already typing an email as she replies.

“Then to answer you, yes, I’m done.” Turning to leave my office, she speaks sternly as she is exiting. “And make sure you leave the asshole attitude in this room. Blaise doesn’t deserve a sulking father because he was guilted into spending time with him.”

My fingers tense into fists above my keyboard as I try to stop from answering her the way I want to.

I might be in a bad mood, but what is up her ass this morning? I might not have spent much time with her when we were out in a group, but still, I never would have guessed her to be so moody.

Ughh, this is going to be the shopping trip from hell.

There is a reason I don’t shop, because I hate it and it’s a waste of my time. But now it will be twice as bad with a woman in a foul mood and a little boy who will be overwhelmed with all the people, lights, sounds, and visual stimulation.

Sitting into my chair and laying my head back against it, it dawns on me why she wants me there. Why didn’t she just come out and say that when she asked me? Blaise needs me there to feel protected in a world that he doesn’t yet understand. So, while she will be looking for clothes and making sure he has what he needs, my job is to be his rock. The place he can cling on to in the stormy and turbulent waters.

Damn, women are hard to understand. Someone needs to write the road map. Mission impossible, now that I think about it, because they are all different. But it would be handy if they came with a manual.

I finish the email to Ian with the extra input that I need to contribute, and I have to trust that between him and Broderick, they will be all over this without me being there. Ian is good at his job, otherwise he wouldn’t be working with me. But the truth of the matter is this is why I didn’t ever want kids.

My job is my life.

It isn’t a typical nine-to-five, five-days-a-week deal. My role in the company is twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, three hundred and sixty-five days a year. We never know when a threat will come, and it’s my job to make sure we have mitigated as many of the risks as possible before they even occur, or when things come out of left field, I need to drop everything to make sure it’s stopped before it even gets started. Nic and the guys learned early on that I only go to them with things they need to know about. The day-to-day security issues that my team deals with are not something they need to be worrying about. The same as I don’t need to know about the finances of the company. I trust that Forrest has that under control and that when I spend the money, the bills get paid.

So instead of me being in the office, like I normally would have been right now, probably yelling at my team or being debriefed at what they were turning up, I will be shopping.

For fuck’s sake, someone help me!

Taking a deep breath, I pick up my phone and walk out, and all I can think about is how this will be worse than having my eyes scratched out by a cat, my least favorite animal.

The trip in the car is calm, and I can tell Elouise is trying as hard as I am to put on a happy front for Blaise. We are a united team when it comes to him, and regardless of what’s happening, it will always be the truth. For all the ways we irritate each other already, there is one thing we agree on, and that’s Blaise’s welfare. I might be new at this and am obviously struggling with having someone depending on me, but I’m trying.

“I still can’t believe you wouldn’t let me take you to Harrods,” I can’t help mumbling as I’m walking around the back of the Range Rover to help Blaise out of his car seat.

“You’re ridiculous, Rem.” And for the first time today she is actually laughing. It’s a nice change to the stress of the morning and her yelling at me.

“What? It’s a one-stop shop and would have had all the best labels.” A perfectly good reason to me.

“Oh, and you forgot to mention the personal shopper that you would have enlisted the help of too. There will be plenty of time when he hits teenage years where he will be happy to max out your platinum credit card with all the latest fashion, I’m sure. Take the win now that he knows no difference and that I’m a practical person. These clothes will get paint on them, holes in the knees from playing football, and rips in the sleeves from climbing trees or jumping off fences.”

I fall into step next to her, with Blaise between us and each of us holding one of his hands. “What makes you think he will be climbing trees and fences?” I smile as the words leave my lips.

“Because he’s your son, I thought that would be a given.”

Now it’s me letting the rumble of laughter escape me. “Fair point.” Looking down at Blaise, I wonder what he is going to put me through as he gets older. Damn, this could be a bumpy road.

Walking into the Marks and Spencer store, I’m taken back to my childhood, when my mother would drag me in here to get my new shoes for school every year and twice a year for clothes, the start of spring and autumn. Mainly to check on what size clothes I was. I never thought I would be back here buying clothes for my own son. I know Elouise is trying to do the right thing by me, but I’m not sure she understands how much money I have. I could buy a wardrobe full of Ralph Lauren clothes for Blaise and wouldn’t blink an eye if he put a hole in them the first day he wears them. I’m humoring her today, but once I know what size he is, I will have clothes delivered to the house and she will do it my way going forward. My son deserves the best I can give him, and this certainly isn’t it.

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