Page 19 of The Desire

The women look at each other and then at Blaise who is just quietly eating and confused by all the talking, and then they look back at me.

“See him.” Adeline points at Blaise, and they both start laughing.

“She’s right, just look at him, Rem. If he’s not yours, I will eat my hat.” She sits herself back down at the counter while they both continue to giggle at me.

I want to argue with her, but I can’t.

The DNA test is really only for my peace of mind and the lawyers. I know he’s mine.

“Now sit down and eat, and if it’s at all humanly possible, maybe try to make friends with your son. You have a long road ahead of you, and it starts today.”

I’m too wound up to say anything else, so I find myself sitting on the stool next to Blaise and taking an apple pastry the same as his, shoving it in my mouth before I can get myself in any more trouble.

Looking straight ahead at the window that faces the back garden, I’m hoping the sight of the sun will bring some sort of calming feeling washing over me.

Not happening.

My blood is pumping loudly in my ears from the frustration.

The kitchen is filled with silence as the conversation stops, and the only sound I can hear is the chewing of breakfast and the slurping of coffee.

Then the softest voice breaks the silence with a few little French words.

“Papa, où est ma maman?” Blaise reaches out and touches my arm, and the warmth I feel shocks me.

Looking into his eyes, I can tell he already trusts me, and he doesn’t even know me.

Elouise’s voice is almost a sniffle when she repeats for me, “Papa, where is my mama?”

Oh, Blaise, I don’t know how I’ll help you get through this, but I promise to try.

And in this moment, I can feel him start to chip away at my heart to let him in.

If only it were that easy, buddy. I just don’t know if I have it in me.

Chapter Four

ELOUISE

My heart is breaking for this little boy.

Losing a mother at such a young age is tragic enough, but then to have so much upheaval in the days following must be so confusing.

I don’t know how to answer his question, so I’m sure the emotionally stunted man sitting next to him has no idea. So, when the words come from his lips, it surprises me.

“Safe up with the stars.” The tenderness of Rem’s reply has the tears that I was trying to hold back now trickling down my face. Rem set his large hand softly on the top of Blaise’s that is still resting on Rem’s arm. I wish I could capture this moment with a photo, but it is too precious to intrude on. That first connection between the two of them you can never replace.

Instead, I softly repeat Rem’s words in French so Blaise understands. “En sécurité avec les étoiles.”

Blaise nods at Rem and gives the first true smile I have seen from him since he arrived on the doorstep. And although he likely doesn’t realize he is doing it, Rem gives him a small reassuring smile in return.

Shocking us all, he does his best to repeat my French words, which brings a little giggle from Blaise, as his pronunciation is terrible, but at least he is finally trying to reach out to him.

For someone who was adamant he never wanted a child, he is doing okay with his first attempt of reassurance.

The morning slipped away quickly as we went through the process of the DNA swab and having Wallace pick it up and take it straight to the lab. I sat with Blaise and played with some of the toys the guys got last night. I didn’t give them all to him, as it would have overwhelmed him. Just a few little cars, some Lego, and two soft teddy bears. I did have to laugh at the teddy bears that are exactly the same, just one bigger and one smaller. Maybe they were thinking it would help with being like father like son, but it just made me smile that these big tough guys even thought of it.

All the playing and overstimulation from the day is catching up with Blaise. Adeline suggests she take him upstairs for a nap, and I’m betting that as soon as his little head hits the pillow he will be out like a light.

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