Page 71 of Love's Hot

Lilly

LYING IN KANE’S BED, I just keep seeing the visions playing over in my head like a movie.

Kane wrapped around Jessie like he owned her. Her in a red dress.

I marched into that building thinking it was some little secret bar, where he’d been sneaking around with her. I watched him disappear the first time through the door while I had that big guy taking my bag and phone. Body searching me that was way too touchy-feely. He’s lucky I didn’t knee him in the balls. He got the message with my verbal spray I was giving him, so he saved himself the pain.

Then when I entered that room, I knew straight away it was somewhere I didn’t belong. The vibe was all wrong, it smelled like sex and the noises and screams I was hearing made me shiver with nerves. There wasn’t euphoria in the screams, it was sheer pain.

That guy touching me, me trying to act brave when deep down I was petrified. Kane appearing, and then everything just turned crazy. A blur of mixed emotions, finally seeing him yet so frightened about what was happening.

I can’t stop my head from playing it on repeat. I’m so confused, what has happened?

Closing my eyes to try to sleep isn’t helping. I just see things I don’t want to see. The only thing keeping me calm enough to be lying here is the smell of Kane on this shirt I’m all wrapped in. It’s like he’s all around me keeping me safe. When Alesha put me into bed, I instantly shuffled across to his side. He may not have been here for a few weeks, but it still smells like him. It still has smudges of the chocolate on the sheets from our last night together. These are the visions I need to hang on to. Kane painting his hard cock with chocolate and then ordering me to suck it off. Him eating the panties right off my body. The sweet lovemaking of the next morning. Because that’s what it was, making love. Kane couldn’t tell me, but he was showing me the only way he knew how.

That’s why I had so much trouble letting go. My body knew everything he was trying to tell me. I felt it right to my core.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been lying here like a lifeless doll, when I hear a murmur of voices in the hall outside the bedroom. Barely able to hear anything clearly, I start to sit up as the door slowly opens. The bright light from the hall is glowing behind him but I know it’s Kane. The silhouette stands staring at me. I can’t see much of his face in the shadows. My body wants to rush to him, but my head is telling me to stay where I am. He slowly places something on the ground inside the door and then turns off the hall light. The apartment’s quiet, so I’m guessing Alesha and Xavier have left us alone.

“I was convinced I’d never see you lying in my bed again after what I did. I know I don’t deserve you, yet here you are. My angel, waiting with your light of goodness radiating from you.” His voice is so soft and tender. Gone is the deep growl. This is coming from that place deep in his heart. “There’s so much I want to say but I need to shower and scrub away the filth before I touch you. Can you wait just a little longer, baby, please?” His voice is pleading like he’s worried I’ll say no.

I’m so tongue-tied, I can’t even speak. Nodding my head, I lower myself back down on to the pillow and just watch as he disappears into the bathroom. It’s not like him, but this time he closes the door and leaves me in the glow of the bedside lamp. I couldn’t lie in the dark, I just feel too unsure to be completely isolated. The light is just enough to remind me where I am and that I’m safe.

Hearing the water running, I understand the feeling of washing away the night. I stood in there for what felt like forever. Washing my skin over and over again with Kane’s soap. The smell made me feel close to him while he wasn’t here. The shower stops and I can hear him moving around in the bathroom. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It’s not like I haven’t seen him naked before. Then it dawns on me.

I’ve seen him naked before but never fully exposed. When he walks through that door, I know for the first time I’m going to get every part of Kane, including the parts that he has hidden for so long. I need to be able to show him I’m strong enough to cope with this. That I will always be strong enough to be his shoulder, even though right this moment I feel so weak. For him I will find the strength. That’s who I am.

The door opens and I take a deep breath. He walks towards the bed, shoulders drooping, and all the fight gone from his body. Whatever he’s been through has taken its toll on him emotionally and physically. Stopping at the side of the bed, he stands with a towel wrapped around his waist. His naked chest looks as good as I remember. He’s hesitating and I’m not sure why.

“Should I get clothes? It’s okay if you say yes. I understand.” He looks like a little boy looking down at me with those sunken eyes. I don’t even bother answering with words. I just push up from the bed onto my knees and pull the towel off him, dropping it to the ground and running my hands up his chest. He lets out a sigh of relief and my body instantly reacts to the sight of him fully naked and hard.

“I know that we’ve got to talk, but can I just hold you for a while? I just need to hold you.” Dropping back onto the bed, I flick back the blankets for us both to lie down and get comfortable before pulling them back up. He lies flat on his back and I immediately curl into my favorite position. Head on his chest listening to his heart, legs curled in with his, and hands wrapped around his body. He brings his arms around me and hugs me tighter than he ever has before. Almost like he’s hanging on and scared to let go. I take my hand and start to draw slow circles over his chest like I used to. I know it helped to center him last time.

We lie like this for a while just letting our bodies reconnect. It’s not a sexual connection, it’s a spiritual one. So different from the intense sexual chemistry we have. Tonight is more about connecting on that deeper level that we both need and crave.

“I’m so sorry.” His voice is soft and emotional. “Sorry for what I did to you. Sorry for the hurt you felt and so incredibly sorry for what you went through tonight. That should’ve never happened. If I had told you the truth, then you might’ve trusted me.” He lets out a big sigh, like he’s been trying to work out how to deal with this in his head.

“Kane, you can’t blame yourself for tonight. It was my choice to go storming in there. You weren’t the one doing those atrocious things. You were doing your job and trying to protect those women. I almost blew the whole thing for you. I’m sorry for putting you in that position.” Pausing, I crawl up so I can see his face. We need to get to the bottom of it all. “But yes, you’re right about the trust. It’s something that goes both ways. You need to trust me enough to cope with your life as a policeman and that I’m strong enough to catch you when you fall. Then I need to trust you to protect me and let you do your job without question. Accepting that I can’t know it all and just trusting you anyway. I think I can do my part, can you do yours? Can you put your life in my hands to protect you too and keep you safe?” He runs his hands through his hair. “I won’t always be good at it, we will argue and hurt each other but I will always be there for you no matter what. But you have to want to let me in. Otherwise we’re wasting our time.”

“Fuck, Lilly, you have no idea how much you tear me open. Like no one has ever been able to open me up. You see deeper into my soul than I’ve ever seen. I was so busy worrying about not hurting you and not being the man for you and being able to keep you safe because of my job. But by pushing you away and keeping you in the dark, I did everything I was trying not to do. I hurt you and I put you in such danger that my heart nearly stopped when I realized you were in the club. You have no idea what could’ve happened to you if I didn’t get there in time.”

I put my finger on his lips to stop him from talking. “Shhh, you did get there in time. You did what you thought you couldn’t do; you protected me and kept me safe. I don’t want to know what could’ve happened because it didn’t and that’s all that matters. I just keep remembering you saving me. You need to be thinking about that part too.” I can’t wait any longer. Leaning up, I take his lips in mine, so softly, letting him know I’m still here.

Our lips just slowly take the kiss that little bit further until there is no holding Kane back. I know he needs this. He needs to be in control and show me what he can’t say. I break the kiss for a moment, looking deep into his eyes.

“I love you, Kane. Show me you love me too.” Little tears start to run down my face.

“Lilly, I love you more than I know how to handle in words, but you’re about to be shown.”

The kiss is now raw, passionate and hard. Unleashing all the pent-up emotions we’ve both been dealing with.

“You sure, Red? Because when I let loose there’s no going back. I’m never letting you go again.” By now I’m already panting, and he hasn’t even touched me. “Don’t think about what we saw tonight. That wasn’t sex and there was no love it that place. Let’s erase those visions with all the love we feel.”

“Oh Wolf, please take me,” I beg. I need to feel him just as much as he needs me.

“Get ready to be calling my name. There is no way I can be gentle tonight. I need to own you, so you never forget that your man loves you more than words!”

Time for talking is pushed aside. This is how we’ve always communicated. Our unspoken feelings. It’s when we are at our best. Fully immersed in each other.

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