After the boys had all their jokes at my expense, they quickly moved on to work for the day and it wasn’t mentioned again. Alesha offered to cook me dinner and keep me company, but I told her she did such a good job of looking after me last night, I think tonight I’d better just have a quiet one. I know down the road, as time makes this not as raw, it’ll be the big joke in the family that quiet Alesha got the wild child Lilly drunk.
Definitely one for the record books.
It’s nights like tonight, I wish I had a dog or a cat. A pet of some sort to cuddle up with on my bed. They would be loyal and just be happy to be with me. No questions asked. As long as I fed them, walked them and gave them cuddles, life for them would be complete. So much less hassle than a man or a relationship. That’s why I wasn’t ready for one. They’re too much hard work. I mean, there are certainly some benefits.
Oh god, those benefits were huge too.
I need to lick my wounds.
Heels and lipstick on. Head held high and ready to take on the world.
I’ve got this.
I don’t need a man to keep living. I’m strong.
I create my own life.
24
Kane
ONE OF THE THINGS about working an undercover case is that you start living in a bubble. Your sole focus is on the case. You live, eat and breathe it. Nothing in your day is a normal life. You’re living in temporary accommodation, using a different name and lying low when you aren’t on the job. You’ve got to completely immerse into the life, otherwise you’re putting yourself and the others around you in danger. The suspects you’re trying to gain trust from can’t suspect for one moment you aren’t who you’re pretending to be. Cut off from your normal life. No phone contact, no social-media posting, no activity in any way, except in your new identity’s world.
Only a few people know where I am. Mom and Dad know I’m undercover, but they don’t know where. It’s hard on Mom, she struggles with it. I feel bad but know that she understands it’s who I am. Dad keeps her busy to stop her from worrying. They have my sergeant’s contact details, so if they are worried or there’s an emergency then they can still get a message to me.
Xavier knows, even though I shouldn’t have told him. I trust him with my life, more than I trust some of my work colleagues at times. He’s the only one who I’ve told exactly where I’m staying. He has my burner phone number. He knows not to use it unless it’s an emergency. I made sure he was going to be looking after Lilly. I don’t have a right to be asking that of him, but I am anyway. No matter where I am or what I’m doing, I want to know she’s safe and happy. Not sure she’s made it to the second part yet, but she will be working on it. I know her. She’s a strong woman. Nothing will hold her down. Not even her hate for me.
Jessie and I have spent the last two weeks visiting different clubs in the area. Her undercover name is AJ which is short for Alison Jane. That way if I use the name Alison Jane instead of AJ, it’s one of our signals to let her know there’s danger around or that I’m feeling we have a problem. Her identity is that we’re boyfriend and girlfriend. We don’t live together so we have separate apartments. That way her husband Adam can still see her in private without having to worry about me. Because he’s a fire fighter, he uses all sorts of reasons to be accessing the building where she is. He also has the maintenance elevator key to gain access through the service entrance. He doesn’t visit too often but enough to reassure himself that Jessie is okay and safe.
Our role at the moment has been simple because we’re going into the clubs as a couple who are voyeurs. That way we don’t have to participate and can take in faces and clues in each of the different places. We take turns as being the one who drinks so one of us is always completely sober. The other one never gets drunk, but we need to be seen drinking. No one goes into these clubs and drinks water. So, we rotate our glasses. Sober one takes the glass to their lips but never takes a sip. Places it back down next to the other glass. The drinker for the night takes a drink from each glass, alternating until they’re both finished.
So far, the clubs we’ve visited aren’t too hardcore. We’ve seen some interesting scenes. The first night was challenging. Especially for Jessie. She’s visited strip clubs before, but not these sorts of clubs. I’ll be honest it’s not somewhere I frequent either, although I have been inside one before when I was younger, though not for many years. Tried it out and found it wasn’t my cup of tea. I’m all for the domination but I’m more about the domination of controlling pleasure in the privacy of our own place. Plus, the pain thing doesn’t really do it for me. A spanking and restraints for a bit of fun but nothing more than that. To each their own for those that enjoy more.
We’ve been warned the club we’re visiting tonight is extreme, hardcore. Jessie and I have agreed that she’s not to leave my side and we’re going to put a tracking device on the inside of her clothes so I can make sure that nothing happens to her. Just in case. Although I won’t let her out of my sight, you need to expect the unexpected in these places. Unfortunately, it also means we’re going to have to up our relationship for this place. Tonight, we’ll need to be kissing and touching in places I wouldn’t dream of touching a work colleague. She’s coming here early so we can get comfortable with each other before we go out. I don’t know how her husband is coping with all this. If it were me, I would have said no way to my wife being put in this position. No matter how good a cop she is, first and foremost she is my wife, and I wouldn’t want any other guy touching her.
I still feel rage when I think of Lilly and anyone else touching her. I know that is so hypocritical. I tell her I don’t want her, but I don’t want her seeing anyone else. I lie in my bed at night thinking about her. I try not to wonder where she is and who she’s with. Has she gotten over me? Did she do as I told her and start seeing other people already? Or is she still feeling as shitty as I am and isn’t ready to let go of us. To her, there is no longer an us, especially since I have completely disappeared from her life. For me, though, there will always be an us. No matter what.
The afternoon always drags as I wait to start working again for the night. There’s a knock at the door, which always puts me on edge. Putting my gun in the back of my pants under my shirt, I look through the peep hole.
My body relaxes at the sight of Jessie on the other side of the door. Wearing a trench coat, which is a dead giveaway she’s dressed like a prostitute underneath. Must be her outfit for later tonight. Wonder if she’s trying these out on Adam before they get put on for work. Half his luck, I say, but I don’t want to know.
“Hey there, beautiful lady.” She just rolls her eyes at me and walks past into the apartment. There’s not much in here. Just the basics that’ll make it pass as a bachelor pad. Closing the door, I walk over to the coffee machine.
“Want one?” I motion to the coffee cups to which she nods yes.
“I need something to keep me alert tonight. I didn’t sleep much last night.” She yawns as she drops onto the chair at the table.
“Told you before I don’t want to know what you and Adam get up to after I drop you off.”
She laughs and gives me the middle finger. “Not that I need to explain, but I didn’t see him last night. To be honest, I just feel apprehensive about tonight.” She looks down and starts playing with the belt on her jacket. I can see her knuckles going a little white from how hard she’s holding them. I finish making her coffee and take a seat next to her.
“Want to talk about it, Jess?” I put my hand on top of hers to let her know I’m here and I’ve got her back. I won’t let anything happen to her.
“I should be able to handle this. It’s part of the job. I’m just struggling with having to kiss you tonight and let you touch me. I know Adam has said he’s okay with it, but I know it’s hurting him. To be honest, I never imagined ever kissing anyone else after we married. He is my life and the only one I want to be kissing until we’re old and grey.” She finally looks up and I see the turmoil in her eyes.
“I get it. If you were mine, I’m not sure I would cope with it either. Can I tell you something I haven’t shared with many people?” She nods, waiting for my story.
“Several weeks ago, I met a woman, who for the first time in my life I felt more for than I ever knew possible. We both started out saying we didn’t want anything serious. Right from the first night, I fell and fell hard. So did she. We both tried not to acknowledge it. Saying we were fine with being fuck buddies. Then this assignment came up. I knew I couldn’t put her through it. I did the only thing I thought was right. I ended it and broke her heart, and to be honest, mine too. So, I know how hard this is for you and Adam to do. Please don’t feel you have to go through with this. I can call another agent in.”