Page 48 of Love's Hot

Taking a deep breath, I try to think but it’s too late, I just blurt it out.

“I want you to come shopping now with me to an adult sex shop.” I don’t know what to do or where to look. I’m supposed to be the confident one and yet I feel like a little kid waiting for a reaction from my parent for saying something naughty.

Oh god, please say something. I’m dying here.

Finally, she goes to open her mouth then closes it.

Her cheeks redden and then she starts to giggle. Not like a little laugh but a full giggle, with tears running down her cheeks.

“Well, that’s not the reaction I was expecting but okay.” I’m still at a loss as to what her answer is. “Can you at least say yes or no?” I ask a little huffily.

“I don’t even know how to answer that. I have so many questions.” Still trying to catch her breath, I’m getting more frustrated at Alesha. My embarrassment is showing and my sister who’s supposed to be the quiet one can’t stop laughing at me.

“Answer first and then questions come later.”

Sensing my irritation, she tries to pull herself together. “I’ve never done that before, I’m not sure, Lilly. Won’t it be embarrassing?”

I knew I should have just done this on my own. “Don’t worry about it. Forget I said anything.”

Alesha reaches out and puts her hand on my arm. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t go, it’s just way out of my comfort zone. But if you need me to go with you, I will. As long as you promise not to tease me for my red face, and don’t ask me to touch anything. Got it?” She looks as nervous as hell but finally I feel like I can start to relax a little.

“Thank you, I won’t embarrass you, I promise. Just so you know, I’ve never been to one either. We’ll pop our sex-shop cherries together.”

Alesha groans as she drops her head into her hands. “I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this. Xavier is going to think this is hilarious.”

“Wait. We don’t need to tell him. Let’s just keep this between us girls.”

Her face tells me she’ll struggle with a secret. “Lilly, why are we shopping at a sex shop?”

I don’t know how much to tell her. I’m the one she’s always complaining about the oversharing of my sex life. Here I’m having the biggest crisis with my feelings, in a ‘non’ relationship with her fiancé’s best friend and I’m not supposed to say anything. It’s Alesha, though, I need to talk to someone, and she is the most trustworthy person I know. It’s not really fair to ask her to keep it from Xavier, but I need to tell her. I’m getting close to exploding.

Double-checking we’re still the only ones in here, I sit down on the seat and she follows me.

“You have to promise not to tell anyone this. Especially Xavier. He’s like the queen of gossip.” I pause for a moment. She looks worried because I’m never this serious. There’s no easy way to do this, I just need to say it quickly.

“Kane and I are sleeping together. A friends-with-benefits arrangement. No attachment or feelings. Which is why we aren’t telling anyone. Just a bit of fun. Hence the trip to the sex shop. I want to buy something for us for our fun times.” It all comes out fast and without taking a breath. For the first time ever, I can feel my cheeks blushing talking to Alesha.

“I knew it. I tried to tell Xavier and he said no way, Kane would’ve told him. I can’t believe it. Why the friends-with-benefits thing? You like him more than that. I can tell by the look on your face right now. Besides, this is the first time you’ve kept a guy from me. You’re playing this one close to your chest, aren’t you? You don’t want to lose him, so you agreed to this.”

I can’t help but giggle. “You read me so well, sis. But the only thing you got wrong is, it was my idea for the arrangement. Kane doesn’t do relationships. The sex the first night was out of this universe. You know I like a good night of hot sex, but with him the connection, it was so much more. I can’t even describe it. He makes me feel things. I wanted another night, and you know me, I’m not looking to be tied down either. What I wasn’t expecting, though, is the emotions he’s brought out in me. Oh Lesh, what have I done?” I lay my head back against the wall and close my eyes. I feel her hand on my leg for comfort.

“Why don’t we go and grab breakfast somewhere first and chat. Xavier is busy all morning with training clients, so I’m all yours.” I turn and hug her tightly. I didn’t realize how much I needed this. Just to be able to talk about Kane and everything going through my head. Thank god for my big sister.

***

We chat about general things while we order our food and wait for the coffee. I definitely haven’t had enough caffeine yet to get me up and buzzing. Just seeing Kane at the gym has me feeling tingly. The waitress places our coffee orders in front of us. Alesha takes a sip and then she turns to me.

“Right, start at the beginning, and I can’t believe I’m saying this to you, don’t leave out any details. Within reason, of course.” Not sure she really wants all the details and I, for the first time, don’t want to share everything either.

I give her the abridged version which has her gasping and gaping at different times. Imagine what she would’ve done had I told her the detailed version.

“It hit me last night when he called me, that this has already gone past everything we promised each other it wouldn’t. I tried to ask him, but he shut me down and told me to concentrate on what we agreed. It upset me, even though I get it. It’s his form of denial, I just wanted a little bit of acknowledgement from him that he’s feeling similar things. It’s just so confusing. One minute he’s pushing to keep my in the fuck-buddy zone and then this morning calls me his! What the hell am I supposed to think?”

“Well, I think that shows you exactly what you’re wanting to know. He’s feeling it too. His boundaries that he set up a while ago are now being tested and he isn’t sure how to deal with that. I get it, I was exactly the same with Xavier. I was so scared to let my guard down and I didn’t even have as many issues as Kane. Just be patient with him. Let him get there in his own time. He’s a good guy, and I know from what Xavier says, he deals with a lot of heavy stuff through his job.”

“I know, he loves his job. I have a feeling, though, that his job will always be what will comes between us. I just need to convince him that he can have both. I’m tougher than he thinks and can cope with his life no matter how he chooses to live it.

“Besides, I’m not giving up that hot fucking body and the best sex I’ve ever had without a fight.” Alesha just shakes her head at me and we both laugh at each other.

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