Page 44 of Love's Hot

Kane: I’m joking. Yes, I’m awake. What’s up?

Lilly: Really? Do you want to answer that?

Kane: Was an innocent question but if you want to go there already, then he’s getting there.

Lilly: Haha. Since you asked, I can’t sleep.

Kane: Obviously, so you need me to help with that?

Lilly: No, I’m just bored and need company.

Kane: Note to self. Lilly has no humor when she’s tired. Good to know.

Lilly: Yes, and it will pay to remember that. Why is your bed so comfy?

Kane: Ummm, didn’t realize it was. It’s just a regular bed.

Lilly: No, it has something extra.

Kane: Yes, one hot studly cop

Lilly: The ego! But yes, I’ll admit you’re right.

Kane: I miss you being here too, Red.

I don’t know how to reply to that. It seems too intimate for what we’re supposed to be doing.

Kane: Where’d you go?

Kane: Red?

Kane: Lilly, are you there?

Why do I feel stuck on talking to him? I’m frozen looking at my screen as the messages pop up in front of me. I startle when it starts ringing in my hand. I know if I don’t answer this he’ll start freaking out. Swiping to answer, I just sit silent.

“Lilly, are you okay? What’s wrong?”

How do I say to him that I’m freaking out because I know I’m falling in love with him and it will never be returned?

“Goddammit, Lilly, if you don’t answer me, I’m on my way over there right now!” His voice is starting to sound panicked.

“Kane,” I whisper

“Lil, what’s wrong?” His voice has changed to the gentle one that always calms me.

“Where is this going?” I wait through the moment of silence.

“Don’t do this, Lil, we both know that’s not what we wanted.”

But what if ‘wants’ change? What if wants also become needs. The type of needs you feel lost without.

“I know. I’m sorry. I must need sleep,” I start to try to back out of the conversation. “Or stupid hormones. Don’t worry about it. I should go and let you sleep.”

“It’s hard, I know. You aren’t the only one, but we need to stick to what we agreed. It’s the only way it can work. Let’s just have fun.” The conversation pauses again as we’re both battling with our thoughts. I need to get on top of this, otherwise I’ll lose him. I’d rather hide my feelings than lose what we have.

“Yeah, let’s have fun,” I mumble

“Wow. Don’t sound so keen. Don’t you think I’m a funny guy?” I know he’s trying to make me laugh and lighten up, it’s just I’m struggling.

---