Page 53 of Bred By the Wolfman

Her hand is lying out on the table, and I want so badly just to scoop it up in mine. Instead, I touch just the pad of my finger to her palm, dwarfing it, and her eyes dart up to mine.

“What did you want?” I ask her. “When you did DreamTogether?”

It doesn’t look like she expected this question, and I wonder if even she knows the answer to it.

“A job,” she says, her tone carefully neutral. “That’s all.”

More and more, I think this is what she’s been telling herself all along, and now she believes it. I want to ask her if she felt anything today while we looked at the ultrasound of our cub together, but I know that would be crossing a line.

“And what do you want now?” I ask, pushing just a little harder. I know her. I understand her, I believe. She longs for connection, just as I do, and that was certainly why we bonded so quickly and so easily. She’s a caretaking type, like I am, and that much is apparent just in how she loves Boomer.

And I think trying to put up a wall between us, between herself and our cub, is taxing Dee to her limit.

“I don’t know,” she finally says, lowering her eyes. “I really don’t. I just... I know that I’m sad all the time, Russ.”

The way she says my name, but in such a melancholy voice, makes me want to put my arms around her and drag her into my lap. I want to take her back to my house and tuck her in a blanket with hot cocoa and a movie, then snuggle her until she falls asleep.

“Were you sad when you were with Robbie?” I ask, trying to use my gentlest voice.

She shakes her head. “It was more like... before, I could hide the sad underneath where Robbie was. Now there’s nowhere for it to go.”

“And Boomer isn’t enough?”

“He’s wonderful,” Dee says, and the tears are coming back. “But no, he’s not enough.” She sniffles. “I thought this job would be great, Russ. I thought it would be exactly what I needed.” The tears are streaming faster now, and people are looking at us, but I couldn’t care less about them even if the world was ending. I lean closer to Dee and gently stroke her back. “Instead, I feel more alone than ever. Except for this one.” She slides her hand off the table, and onto her belly. I bite my lip because I want nothing more than to encompass her hand in mine.

“Are you worried that when it’s over, you’ll be alone again?” I ask.

She nods her head as she cries. I can’t help it anymore, and I reach around her to gather her up in my arms. She doesn’t resist at all, and starts crying harder into the fur of my chest.

“You don’t have to be alone,” I tell her quietly, so no one can overhear. I rock her gently from side to side. “It’s okay to want more. To ask for more.”

Dee hiccups. “But I don’t want the same thing you want, Russ. I would never make a good mom. And I’m really not a good choice for a ‘mate,’ either.”

I pull back and peer down my nose at her, perplexed. “What? Of course you are. You’re...” Don’t come on too strong, I try to tell myself. Though I don’t know if I have a choice but to say what I feel right now. “You’re perfect, Dee. You’re everything that I...” I trail off. I’ve spent my whole life wanting her, almost four decades of it. And it was fully worth the wait.

“That you, what?” she asks, and I can’t lie to those huge, blue eyes.

“You’re all I could have hoped for, everything I could have dreamed of,” I finally tell her. “You’re funny and sassy, and you love so deeply. I see how you care about Boomer, how he means the world to you. You treasure things closely.”

I let one of my hands settle on hers where it rests atop her belly, and splay my fingers. “You would make an amazing mom.”

She sniffs a few more times, but her tears have slowed.

“I don’t know you,” she says after a time. “I don’t know the real Russ at all. So what am I supposed to say to that?”

I can’t help but smile. She thinks this is such a bad thing.

“Then why don’t we get to know each other?” I ask, letting her go now that she’s calmer.

“Oh.” It’s like the thought never occurred to Dee. “Yeah. I guess... I guess I would like that.”

twenty-one

DEE

I think I just agreed to go on a date with Russ.

His whole face lights up, those furry eyebrows rising high on his forehead. His lips pull back from his white fangs as he smiles.

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