Page 49 of Bred By the Wolfman

This is important to our cub’s growth.

It’s Friday at one at the DreamTogether office.

She sounds very curt, but I don’t mind. I’ll take anything.

“Is that her?” Caleb asks as I assure her that I’ll be there and put away my phone.

I nod. “It’s something, at least. She’s going to let me come to the checkup appointment.”

Caleb slaps me on the back. “Here’s your opportunity, then,” he says. “Show her you can be better than what brought you here.”

I don’t know if that’ll be enough, but I’ll sure as fuck try.

When I get home, I run to my calendar, write down the appointment in huge, red letters, and then circle it a few times for good measure.

I get to see her again.

But I also have to remember that I can’t expect more from her than this. She’s allowing me in, and I shouldn’t push for any more or I risk damaging it. I promise myself that on Friday, I’ll be the most polite, completely platonic father I can be.

DEE

My insomnia is even worse these days. I stay up late watching re-runs of old shows, but I don’t go for any late night walks anymore. Now I’m afraid of what might happen if Russ isn’t there. At least my plants are doing well—flourishing, actually, growing bigger leaves and blooms than ever since I started fertilizing them.

But nothing chases away the aching underneath my skin, deep inside me. Now that I know Bill isn’t just some stranger who fucked me better than I’ve ever been fucked in my life, but also a warm, kind doctor who works in a maternity ward and thinks about my emotional needs... it’s even harder not to picture myself with him.

I can’t offer what he wants. I can’t be what he needs me to be, what his instincts are waiting for. I signed up to carry this baby and then give it away. I’m not cut out to care for one, to be someone’s partner, to make a family with him.

This is all just a big mistake.

Still, I decide not to tell DreamTogether about what Russ has done. And when they send the reminder that it’s time for the twenty-week appointment, my thoughts go straight to him.

He would want to know about this. And now that the seal of anonymity is broken, there’s no reason not to include him in the proceedings regarding his child.

His child, I remind myself. That’s why he should know. Especially if something of concern comes up, it would be better to have his say in how we manage it.

I want to send another message and tell him not to get any ideas, that this invitation is not about the two of us, only the well-being of his baby. I’m just not sure that’s true.

The fluorescent lights in the doctor’s office are really hurting my eyes. I’ve become much more sensitive to light lately, and it feels like yet another of those annoying little changes I’ve been experiencing as time goes on. Like right now, I have to pee again already.

I head off to the bathroom. The door’s locked, so I wait and wait until it opens and a huge pregnant woman walks out. I see my future in her as she waddles over to a chair in the waiting room and sits down.

I’m not looking forward to it, but this is what I signed up for.

When I leave the bathroom a few minutes later, I find one very tall wolfman in a nice button-up and khaki pants peering around the room.

Russ. He’s cleaned up impeccably, all of his brown fur shiny and smooth. When his yellow eyes catch mine, they widen, and his long mouth curls into a smile.

“Dee.” He takes two long, quick strides towards me, then abruptly stops a few steps away. I thought surely he was going to walk right up to me and wrap his arms around me.

If he did, would I have objected?

He scratches the back of his head. “It’s good to see you,” he says, staying where he is, and his gaze travels down from my face to my belly. His eyebrows tilt and he gets a shy look on his face, like he already adores a baby he hasn’t even met yet.

“You, too,” I say amiably. He’s clearly trying to exercise respect and restraint, and I appreciate that. I head toward one of the chairs and sit, then pat the one next to me. Russ navigates himself into the chair meant to accommodate human women like me, and holds up his shoulders so he doesn’t spill too far into my seat.

“How is, um, the cub?” he asks, tilting his head. Though his coat is well cared for, looking at him up close, there are bags under his eyes. He seems exhausted.

“Fine, I think. I guess we’ll find out today.” I absently stroke the slight swell of my belly. “It’s going to be a while still, though.”

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