Page 56 of Kneeling to Candy

“I did a great job working the last assignment,” I claim with enthusiasm, trying to plead my case. “My role was minor, but the team was happy with my performance. And I felt good about the little I contributed. This is the same thing, only bigger.”

“You may have done a fabulous job on the previous investigation. However, your last case was busting a pilfering operation, not uncovering a sex trafficking ring.”

“I know you’re worried—” I try to soothe him, but he cuts me off.

“And my worry is not without cause.” Brandon sighs, setting down his pen and paper.

Great. I’m about to get scolded by my counselor.

“Candy,” he looks at me, folding his hands in front of him, “I don’t doubt your ability to do this job. I worry this case might trigger you.”

“Trigger me how?”

“You will hear other victims’ stories, and you could witness the aftermath of what these women have been through. It’s difficult for others on the crew who haven’t been through what you have. Don’t you see? You’re too close to this case. Can you tell me this won’t take you back to the time you were in their shoes?”

I look away from Brandon, taking several deep breaths to get my heart rate under control.

His concern is fair.

Of course, this assignment will trigger me—I’m a trafficking survivor. Memories and feelings are sure to surface, perhaps multiple times throughout the case.

What Brandon doesn’t understand is that I don’t need this case to be triggered by these women’s abductions. My memories are front and center, and I deal with my trauma daily. I need him to understand this case will help me heal, as well as help others.

Straightening my shoulders, I turn my attention back to my therapist. “You’re concerned about my emotional well-being if I work on this case. Yet have you considered what it’ll do to my emotional well-being if I don’t work this case?”

Brandon’s lips purse.

“I’m in a position to do some real good. Maybe what I know or what I do in this case is what will help bring these people back home to their families. But if I don’t help because I fear suppressed feelings resurfacing or whatever, knowing I could’ve helped, that’ll be the thing that hurts me. If I do nothing, I’ll feel complicit. All my life, I’ve been on the wrong end of things, regardless of whether by my own choice. And now, when faced with an opportunity to do something good for another, I can’t turn my back on this.”

My therapist rubs at his chin, deep in thought. After a moment, he raises his eyes to meet mine. His gaze is resigned.

“It’s not my job to tell you what to do, Candy. I’m here to help guide you through your healing. You know yourself more than anyone else. You know how much to push yourself, and how much you’re willing to subject yourself to. If you pursue this, set boundaries and don’t take on more than you can handle—you won’t be doing any of those victims or the team a favor if you’re emotionally flooded. Do you understand?”

“Hear you loud and clear.”

“This isn’t me approving of your choice to be involved in this case. I know you can handle anything thrown at you, but I’d rather you not do it. Yet I understand why you feel you must. I’ll be on standby if you need any emergency sessions.”

My eyes well up and lips quirk in the corners of my mouth. “Thanks, Brandon. Do you think Atlas will let me help?”

Brandon shrugs. “Atlas is hard to convince. However, you plead your case like you did with me, and he may give you a shot.”

With those words of encouragement, I go to leave. Brandon stops me before I open the door.

“Candy?”

I look over my shoulder at him. “Yeah?”

“Care to fill me in on your relationship status?”

Brag about me and my biker boy? Of course.

I turn back to him, smiling. “Sooo, Butch and I are together. It’s new. I guess you’d say we’re in the dating stage.”

Brandon raises an eyebrow. “Dating? Candy, I’m not stupid. I’ve been around enough of these bikers to notice the change they go through when they claim a partner. Don’t think I didn’t notice how close you two have gotten since our last session. The man is practically your shadow.”

“He hasn’t claimed me.” The fact that he hasn’t claimed me in front of the crew is a sore spot. I shrug it off as best I can, focusing on the positive direction in which our relationship is moving. “But it’s moving that way.”

“And you feel safe with him?”

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