Page 56 of Protecting the Nerd

“Fuck.” Auden sighed. “Can you tell me if we’re looking for Americans or foreigners?”

“Foreigners.”

That much I could share.

“How’s York doing with all this?”

“He’s going a little stir-crazy, but other than that, he’s been cooperative.”

“Has he heard from his parents since the scene at the cemetery?”

I shook my head. “Not a word.”

Auden slowly shook his head. “I gotta be honest. I have a hard time finding any sympathy for them. Look, I have two daughters and two stepsons, and I love them all dearly, so if anything happened to one of them… Well, heartbroken wouldn’t even cover it. But I can’t imagine I’d ever sink so deep into my grief I’d lose sight of my other kids, the ones who are still alive and need me.”

“I don’t have kids, but I lost my sister when I was a teenager. My parents were devastated, and it took a long time for my mom to smile again, but after a while, she did. Life went on. Not the same as before, but it continued. My parents raised my siblings and me, still rejoicing in our existence, so to speak. Maybe even more after losing Charlotte.”

“That’s how it should be. There’s no time limit on grief, but you can’t disappear in it, not when you’re still a parent.”

“How was York as a kid?”

Auden smiled as he pushed himself off his desk and settled in a chair opposite me. “A skinny boy, awkward and nerdy, but also adorable. He was always so super smart. It was a little scary. When he was in sixth grade, he could do the same math we were struggling with in twelfth grade. It still blows my mind.”

“Did he have friends?”

“You know, I honestly don’t know. He’s much younger, so to us, he was Essex’s little brother. We never paid that much attention to him. Which, of course, I now regret deeply.”

“Were there signals? In hindsight, I mean?”

Auden pressed his lips together as he took his time to answer. “I asked myself that question so many times. What did we miss? Why didn’t we see what was happening right under our noses? I don’t know. Yes, some signals were there, and we ignored them. We knew Essex could be an asshole, especially to Fir. But we didn’t realize it had gone beyond calling him ‘carrot’ and ‘geek.’ Still, we should’ve said something. I should have said something.”

“Essex was a charmer,” I said. “He definitely had two sides to him.”

“Did you know him well?”

“We were in boot camp together, then ran into each other in the sandbox.” I’d done a quick background check on Auden and knew he’d served in the Army as an MP. “He was arrogant but also charming. Overconfident and yet the best sniper I knew. A total dick at times, but also someone you could laugh and have a beer with. He had a dark side, but when he kept that hidden, we all liked him. And I’m not gonna lie. He was a great Marine.”

“That was always the problem, that he was both. We’d been friends with him since kindergarten. We grew up together, and we knew that dark side, but of course, with us, he showed his good one. When I found out what Essex had done to York, the extent of it, I was sick to my stomach. It makes it very hard to look back and think of memories as good. How can I say I have good memories when he made York’s life hell? I struggle a lot with that.”

“Imagine being York and hearing your parents praise and all but anoint him as some saint…”

Auden shook his head. “What those people are doing is so wrong, so unfair. York deserves so much better. I hope he’ll be able to find some peace now that he’s spoken up. That he can move past this and live without his brother’s shadow always hanging over him.”

“I hope so too.”

“Your presence has helped a lot. He wouldn’t have been able to stand up to his parents before meeting you.”

I wiped my hands on my thighs. “I’m not… That’s not my doing.”

“It is. You’re bringing the best out in him, and your care for him shows him how it should be. What he’s been missing all these years. He needed someone like you.”

“Erm, you do remember I’m not actually his boyfriend, right? That it’s just a ruse?”

Auden chuckled. “Do you think I’m blind? That I can’t see how you look at him? You’re in love with him.”

Oh Jesus, was he serious? Had I been that transparent? “I don’t know what—” Auden gave me a look that said, “Are you kidding me.” Okay, then. “I wasn’t aware I was broadcasting my feelings so loudly.”

“I don’t know what others saw, but the difference between when we first met you for dinner and the birthday party was staggering…and there were only a few weeks in between. You’re together for real now.”

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