Page 55 of Protecting the Nerd

“Then work harder at it. With your intelligence, you can do anything you set your mind to.”

I took a step forward. “But I don’t want to pretend it never happened.”

“Then force yourself to. This can’t happen, York. It can’t.”

Another step forward. “My entire life, I’ve been different from everyone else. I’ve always stood out. Never quite fit in anywhere. But you make me feel like I belong. With you. How can you ask me to pretend that’s not real? Don’t you realize what this means to me? What you mean to me?”

He stared at me for a long time, and I held his gaze, unafraid to show him the truth. How could I be afraid when what I felt was so big and wondrous, so real? Like a current inside me, a buzz in my blood, a purr in my head.

“You’re straight,” he said, but he didn’t try to make that argument convincingly.

“Obviously, I’m not.”

“Bicurious?”

I shook my head as I took another step. “As attractive as you are, and I really do find you hot, that’s not it either. I’ve fallen for you because you’re you, because of your kindness and tenderness and the fact that you seem to understand me when no one else does. You see me, Quillon. You really truly see me.”

We were now so close his breath brushed over my cheeks as he sighed. “I wish I could?—”

“Do you like me? That’s all I’m asking. Do you feel the same?”

He closed his eyes for one, two, three seconds, and then his lips were on mine. He held my face between his hands and kissed me like I had never been kissed. Our previous kiss had been firm and almost aggressive, but this one was so soft and tender I felt like I was floating.

Our tongues met, and the neediest little sound formed in the back of my throat. I flung my arms around him and plastered myself against him, kissing him back with a hunger that was new to me.

“York,” he whispered. “My sweet nerdy…”

I couldn’t respond because his tongue was in my mouth again, so I closed my eyes and poured all my feelings into that kiss, which grew faster, deeper, more heated. I couldn’t get enough of him. He’d let go of my face and was now holding me with one hand around my nape and the other almost possessively on my ass. When he gave a little squeeze, I squealed into his mouth, which was probably why he did it again.

I didn’t think about it but widened my legs to invite him in, and he froze. His whole body went stiff. Shit. He’d just realized what he was doing.

And as I’d expected, he let go of me and stepped back, his cheeks red and his lips wet and swollen. “York, I?—”

“If you tell me you regret this, I’m going to be very upset with you.”

His expression softened as he cupped my cheek. “I can’t ever regret kissing you, nerdy. I should, if only because it goes against every professional standard I’ve ever held myself to, but I can’t. It also can’t happen again. As much as I want to, I can’t. It would mean compromising your security, and that’s not a risk I’m willing to take.”

“I’ll accept that…but please answer my question. You owe me that much.”

He smiled softly, a sweet, almost sad smile that made my belly weak. “Of course I like you, nerdy. I’ve been in love with you since the moment I met you.”

18

QUILLON

How could something be the best and the stupidest thing I’d ever done? Hours later, I was still reliving that kiss, the feel of York’s mouth against mine, his beard rubbing against my skin, his tongue sliding and twisting in a sensual dance with mine, our bodies pressed together…

It had been everything I’d dreamed of, everything I’d wanted, but it couldn’t happen again. I couldn’t compromise my ethics and, even more importantly, York’s safety, and getting involved with him would do both.

No, as much as it would hurt, I had to keep my distance. Maybe it would help to focus on the case and make it crystal clear to myself what was at stake. I’d called Coulson, but he hadn’t been able to provide me with any updates other than the fact that the FBI was working hard on identifying the leak. He’d only said they hadn’t found any evidence that suggested the leak was with the FBI or the CIA and that someone from within EDS was the most likely culprit.

I needed to update Auden—as far as I could share details about the case, which was very little—but I didn’t want to call him because his phone was not secure. So I asked the two agents to guard York while I made a quick visit to the sheriff’s office.

“Good to see you, Quillon,” Auden said, his handshake firm. “Let’s go into my office.”

He closed the door behind us and perched on the edge of his desk. “Any updates?”

“I can’t give specifics, but the FBI is confident of the nature of the threat. Kidnapping seems to be the most likely scenario.”

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