Page 43 of Protecting the Nerd

“They’re not lies,” Fir said. “He bullied me too, as the others can confirm.”

His words held a clear challenge. “Essex had a dark side, Mrs. Coombe,” Tiago said, his tone pleading with her to believe him. “We didn’t know the extent of it, but we all witnessed things that made us uncomfortable. In hindsight, we should’ve spoken up, but sadly, we never did.”

“B-but I thought you were Essex’s friends…”

“We were because he rarely showed us that dark side. With us, he was funny, even if he could take things too far,” Tomás said.

“Auden?” My mother’s voice held desperation now as if he was her last hope.

Auden shook his head. “I can’t deny it, Mrs. Coombe. While I never witnessed Essex bully York, I saw him take it way too far with Fir, and it fits with his personality.”

“H-he was a hero! He died for his country…”

“He was both, Mrs. Coombe,” Auden said. “He was a hero who fought to defend our freedom, but he was also a bully of those weaker than him.”

Fir nodded. “York is telling the truth. None of us are here for Essex. We’re here to support York. That’s why I didn’t bring flowers, because hell if I give the man who bullied me a gift, even in death.”

“Do you remember when I was in fifth grade and I came home with a broken arm?” I asked my dad. “I told you I’d fallen off my bike.”

“You did fall off your bike,” my father said.

“Because Essex disabled my brakes, which I didn’t discover until I went down the mountain and couldn’t brake.”

My mom fervently shook her head. “He wouldn’t?—”

“How many examples do you need before you believe me, Mother? Because I have them. Essex putting itching powder in my dress shirt right before elementary school graduation. Him holding magnets near my hard disks and floppy disks so they’d be erased. Him ‘accidentally’ stumbling into the airplane model I’d spent a whole week on, destroying it.” I was swaying on my feet, burning so hot with anger that I could barely control myself. “I celebrated the day he went to boot camp because I was finally free. And even when he got older and stopped bullying me, he never apologized, never said sorry, never acknowledged it had happened.”

The tears had spilled over, and I wiped them from my cheeks with shaking fingers. I’d wasted enough tears on my brother. He didn’t deserve any more. “Do you know how I felt when he died? Relieved. Sad because he was still my brother, but deeply relieved that my nightmare was finally over. But it never stopped. Even after his death, he continued to torment me. I’ll never be free of him. His shadow will forever hang over my life. Because even twenty years after his death, he’s still the center of your universe…and I’m still invisible.”

A blinding headache was announcing its arrival with shoots of sharp pain through my skull, but I ignored them. “All my life, I tried to be good enough so you would love me the way you loved him. I had better grades than him, did well academically, managed to get into MIT and earn all these degrees. But it wasn’t enough. I work for one of the most renowned defense companies in the world and have designed cutting-edge technology that’s the first of its kind. But you don’t care. You have a gazillion pictures of him but only two of me. You kept his room unchanged for more than twenty years but didn’t bother to show up for me when I was defending my dissertation. No matter what I do, I can never measure up to him…and what’s worst is that’s not even the real him you compare me to. It’s your fictional, idealized version of him. That golden boy you pictured? He never existed. He might’ve been a good Marine, and I’ll never belittle what he did for his country, but he was a shitty human being, and I’m done playing along with your game of worshipping him. He was an asshole, and that’s the truth. And if you can’t see or accept that…that’s your problem. I refuse to make it mine anymore. I’m done.”

My chest expanded as if a heavy weight had been lifted from it, and the tears came fast now, but I didn’t care. I’d said my piece, had told the truth, and I was done. Quillon had been so right. It was long past time to let go. I blindly grabbed Quillon’s hand, and his steady hold strengthened me. “Please, I wanna go home.”

“Let’s go home,” he said.

As I walked away with Quillon by my side, I never looked back.

I was free.

14

QUILLON

Iwas worried about York. Ever since we’d come back from the cemetery, he’d retreated into himself, locking me out. For hours, he’d been sitting in what I’d come to think of as his chair, headphones on and a vacant expression. He’d swallowed some pain meds, which I’d never seen him take, but when I’d asked what was wrong, he’d brushed me off.

He was hurting, inside and out, and until he let me in, there was so little I could do. I’d called Fir, who had promised to stop by first thing in the morning. Josiah had a recital, so he couldn’t make it this evening. I understood, but I’d wanted York to have a friend. I’d made pasta for him, but he hadn’t touched it. What else could I do? My heart ached for him, but I had no idea how to help him.

I’d known his brother had bullied him, but it had been so much worse than I had feared. York had used the word torment, and from the few examples he’d mentioned, he hadn’t exaggerated. How had their parents never noticed? The guilt on the faces of Auden and the others hadn’t escaped me. When had they found out?

I’d thought they’d come to pay their respects to Essex or maybe out of consideration for York’s parents. It wasn’t until we were back home that I realized they’d come for York. Fir, of course, but maybe he’d expected things to come to a head and had wanted to be there for his best friend. But the others had shown up for him as well. None of them had brought flowers, and their focus had been on York. Whatever mistakes they had made in the past, they were trying to make it right, and I was glad for York to see that they had his back now.

And even after all those cold facts and harsh words, his parents still hadn’t believed him. Maybe in the end, when York had made his feelings clear and the others had agreed. After all, it was hard to argue with that, though it wouldn’t be the first time I’d experienced people believing an obvious lie over the truth. Sometimes, the truth was too hard to accept. Could York’s parents change their view of Essex after all this time? I had my doubts.

Regardless, York wouldn’t go to his brother’s grave anymore. When he left, I’d wanted to cheer, but I’d settled for holding his hand as tightly as possible. I’d been so proud of him for standing up for himself and telling the truth, but even prouder of him for walking away and choosing his own path. That had taken so much courage, yet he’d done it. No wonder he was hurting.

Darkness had long since fallen by the time York moved again, taking off his headphones. “What time is it?” he mumbled.

I checked my watch. “Just after eight. Would you like something to eat?”

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