Page 39 of Protecting the Nerd

“Was she right?”

“That I valued my work over her? I was on the verge of a major breakthrough and was eager to keep working at it, so yes, probably.”

I couldn’t blame him for that, knowing what he had ended up developing. Apparently, she hadn’t understood. “Was she a scientist too?”

“No, she was in HR. That was lesson number two. I shouldn’t try to be with someone who likes chatting.”

I pointed my finger between us. “We talk.”

“Yes, actual conversations that have a topic. Not shallow, aimless, endless prattling.”

I snorted. “That bad?”

“That depends on your definition. She once held a ten-minute monologue on whether she should choose zinnias or coneflowers for her garden. Do I look like I care?”

That poor woman. Something must’ve shown on my face because York sighed. “I wasn’t mean about it, I promise. And I wasn’t the one to break off our relationship, if you can even call it that after two dates. She did, ranting about me not knowing what I was throwing away.”

“Clearly, you weren’t a good fit.”

“Yeah, and after that, I concluded I’d be single for the rest of my life. I’m not built for relationships.”

“Is that what you think?”

He shrugged, looking away. “It’s hard to come to another conclusion, no? I’m in my forties now, so if I had been, I would’ve been married or whatever by now.”

“Or you haven’t met the right person yet.”

“Sure, but as someone who understands statistics, I have to say the odds are not in my favor. But it’s okay. I’ve made my peace with it. I don’t miss it. Maybe because I never had it, so I don’t know the difference.”

This man was breaking my heart in so many pieces, and the worst thing was that he had no clue he was doing it. He was so unflinchingly, so casually, and so brutally honest about himself, and every time, it hit me full in the feels. “You don’t miss sex either?”

Why had I asked that? Shit, how incredibly inappropriate was it to ask a client that. York, however, didn’t blink an eye. “Not really, which is probably indicative of some kind of problem, but I don’t care.” He let out a deep sigh. “I find sex very confusing.”

“Why?”

“Other men seem to be all about sex all the time. That’s generalizing, of course, but from what I see and hear from coworkers or online, sex is on their minds a lot. That’s not the case for me at all. I like sex, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not something that occupies my mind all the time.”

I could hardly complain because I’d been the one to bring this up, but Jesus fuck, why was I talking about sex with York? Still, I didn’t change the topic. “Maybe you have a lower sex drive? Could have a biological reason.”

“Maybe, but there’s a definite psychological component as well. Men are expected to like sex and to focus on sex.”

“Society puts that pressure on men, yes.”

“But I don’t feel like that at all.”

“You’re not a conformist, York. And no offense, but you’re wired differently from most men as well.”

“Intelligence and sex drive aren’t mutually exclusive, are they?”

I loved the way he approached the discussion with the same rational curiosity and intensity he did everything else. “No, but I think you may be much more aware of your own thinking about this than most others are.”

“You’re talking about self-awareness.”

“Self-awareness, self-reflection, yes.”

York cleared the last bit of food from his plate. “Do you have a type?”

“Come again?” I hadn’t seen that one coming.

---