Page 38 of Protecting the Nerd

Sweet Jesus and all the saints, it was way too early to deal with this. As if watching York suffer all that emotional pain the night before hadn’t been bad enough. I had ached to do whatever possible to take his pain away, to kiss him and tell him everything would be better. But all I’d been able to do was hug him and be there for him, but it had hurt me to hold back.

“We’ve grown closer in other ways over the last two weeks, don’t you think?”

He forked a big piece of omelet into his mouth and chewed, the thinking lines on his forehead deepening as he considered my words. “We have,” he finally said. “But I’m not sure it amounts to the same thing. Physical intimacy is different.”

“I’m not gonna kiss you again.” It came out a little more sharply than I had intended, but I didn’t care. I would do what was necessary to get that idea out of York’s head. “Despite what you seem to think, kissing you is not my job or my duty. In fact, it’s very much the opposite.”

“I’m not following. What’s the opposite of duty?”

“Something I’m not supposed to do, not allowed to do,” I said between clenched teeth. “Which is what kissing a client is. Clients are off-limits.”

“Even when you’re pretending to be their boyfriend?”

“I’ve never had to do that. Well, I did go on a pretend date with a woman who was a client, but she only held my arm. I never kissed her.”

And never wanted to, but I left that out.

“Oh, okay.” York looked…disappointed. But surely, I had to be wrong about that.

“Why would you want more kissing?” I dared to ask. I should’ve let the whole topic go, of course, but I couldn’t. Not until I had figured out what that look meant.

“Oh, I reasoned it would help sell our cover. And I didn’t mind it.”

I swallowed, avoiding looking at him. “You didn’t mind it?”

“No. You’re a good kisser, I think. The kiss was a little brief and superficial to get an impression of your full capabilities, but it was a promising appetizer.”

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, this man was gonna be the death of me. The way he dropped truths like that, without any idea of the implications of what he was saying. “Thank you for that glowing review. I’ll make sure to share it with my next date. Maybe it’ll help seal the deal.”

“Is that a thing?” York’s frown deepened.

“No, but neither is reviewing someone’s kissing abilities, so there’s that.”

He put his fork down. “You’re irritated with me.”

“I don’t think you realize how confusing this is, York.”

“Why?”

“I’m a gay man. An openly gay man, I might add. Kissing another man is never a job for me, not even if it’s in the line of duty, as you suggested. It’s impossible to separate who I am from what I do. So when you casually talk about kissing again, that’s…” I blew out a breath. “That impacts me more because of who I am. It doesn’t leave me cold, if that makes sense.”

He took a bite again and chewed. “You mean a physical reaction. Getting aroused.”

“Yes.”

“And that makes you uncomfortable?”

“Jesus, wouldn’t you feel embarrassed if you got an erection in front of a coworker?”

“That has never happened to me.”

“Probably because you’ve never kissed a coworker.”

“I have.” He waved his hand vaguely. “I call temporary insanity. She was attractive, but I should have known better.”

“Because she was a coworker?”

“Well, that too, but mostly because she had that ‘I’m ready to settle down and have babies’ vibe, which I understand when you get to a certain age, but that’s not me. We had two dates, and then she got frustrated with me for prioritizing my work over her. We weren’t in a relationship, and she was already disappointed in me.”

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